The Locker - Chapter 6
Chapter 6
Saturday
Dinner had been strange; different in a way he just couldn’t put his finger on. Every time he’d look over at Dakota he got this feeling that everyone else at the table was noticing and then like the perfect dufus he had to have a choking spell, that sure was a hit with Dakota’s mom who seemed so distant, so strange really. He couldn’t quite say why, but he was sure she kept looking at him as if to see if he was good enough for her son and yet at other times it was like she was feeling angry with him, upset that he was even sitting at their table.
It certainly wasn’t a dinner like he was used to. At his place his folks would talk, laugh, tell and ask things of him and each other, sort of like they were catching up or something, but Dakota’s folks seemed different. It was more like they were only there to fuel up, not to check up or anything. It was kind of weird for him and even Arizona was quiet which he didn’t think was possible and yet, he couldn’t quite put his finger on it but it didn’t just seem because he was there, that somehow this was normal for them.
Noah had tried to offer to help with the dishes but both
Everything seemed so sad really and he couldn’t help but notice at times how Rosalie would look at both
That really was freaking him out because he couldn’t even begin to imagine what his own parents would feel if they knew how much he ached for another boy, and he doubted if either of them would accept it the way it appeared Dakota’s had or were. Maybe he was just being silly but he couldn’t get it out of his head as he waited for Dakota out on the front porch that somehow his mother at least had a suspicion that he was queer, but if she did, why hadn’t she said anything?
He wished at times he could just sit down with them and tell them, that maybe if he could just share how he was feeling that maybe it would be easier, that maybe he could get through another day just a bit easier, but he doubted if his parents would understand. He had heard his father talk about it, about how gays were sick or perverted, and his mother had agreed too and for a bit he had wondered if that was it, that maybe it was some disease or something that he could get help for, that he could take a pill for but inside, deep down he knew it wasn’t that way at all. Hell, he had proven that by the way he wanted Dakota so much, how he couldn’t even begin to control the strange emotions that ran thru him each time he thought about Dakota inside of him.
Sitting there he squirmed a bit, as he could really still feel that first press against his butt, that first jab of pain that went up his whole body as Dakota tried to enter him and he felt the searing pain even now but it was just a memory, not real and he tried to hold it back, tears near threatening to break free and roll down his face as he realized that he had held back, that he had whimped out. How could he have been so stupid, so dumb as to not know it would hurt and instead of taking it for a moment he had ran, and now he was feeling like this whole weekend was going to wind up with him once more being alone, despite all that Dakota had said.
How could he still want him after Noah failed him like that? Could they have sensed that and that was why dinner was so quiet? Had they somehow seen his failure to please written on Dakota’s face or his own? He shook a little sitting there, wondering why it was that he just couldn’t do things right, that every time he tried to be who he was he failed? Even his attempt at being a part of the school had failed when he joined the drama club, and that whole mess in wearing the dress had only embarrassed his father, and sitting there he could still hear his father’s voice, telling him that he shouldn’t be surprised at the writing on his locker, after all he did dress up in a dress, and that was what happened to kids who did that kind of stuff. He could still hear his father telling him he should have tried out for some sports instead, at least then when he failed it wouldn’t be so bad.
It irked him too, as he replayed that conversation in his mind that his father already had chalked him up to being unable to play sports that he would fail but that at least he wouldn’t have been branded queer like he had been for doing the drama play. Shit, what did he really expect from him? It wasn’t like he was gifted with a great body like Dakota or Rusty, yet his father kept at him to try, to be something he wasn’t. He shook his head, knowing that his father would never understand if he did tell him, but how could he keep it hidden? How could he keep his feelings hidden for so long, especially the way they seemed to be only getting more intense, more controlling?
If anything he was feeling more alone now than before Dakota had shown up at his place that first night, and yet something inside kept telling him that things would change, that he couldn’t just sit back and stew about stuff. He wondered if he’d ever have the courage to speak up, to say how he really felt when he felt a hand on his shoulder. He turned quickly to stare up to find Dakota’s mother looking down at him. He felt an icy fear inside, thinking that she was going to send him home or worse, tell him he couldn’t see Dakota anymore.
He felt the tears welling up even before she spoke but the way her eyes looked at him kept the tears from falling, kept his heart from stopping as he waited, just looking up into her face. Noah could see the pain inside and once more the thought that she was going to stop him and Dakota came to mind, but there was something about her, something that held his fear at bay, kept it from overwhelming him as she smiled a thin weak smile, her hands looking rough as it rested on his trembling body.
Rosalie “Mind if I sit with you? Dakota won’t be much longer”
Noah “Uh, sure, uh, thanks again for dinner, it was really good”
Rosalie “
Noah “Uh, I like her too”
Rosalie “Yes, but not as much as you like my son, huh?”
He felt the panic inside and he didn’t know what to do or say. He looked down at his hands, resting in his lap and he wondered if all mothers knew this stuff, or was he sending off some signal, some sign that he was in love with Dakota? Christ if he was, did that mean his own mother knew? He could feel the eyes staring at him, waiting for him to answer and he had a small lump in his throat as he croaked out his answer.
Noah “Yes, I really do like Dakota… uh, he’s been nice to me…”
Rosalie “He’s a good boy, I think he likes you too, you are the first boy he’s ever brought home, did he tell you that?”
Noah “The first? Uh, no, no he didn’t”
Rosalie “Yes, he doesn’t usually talk much, but all week he kept telling us about you, I have never really seen him so happy in a long time”
Noah wasn’t sure how to answer that nor if he could even. It was all so strange to listen to her soft voice, almost as if she was tired and yet it was different too, like she was saying one thing but was thinking about something else. He stared at her, seeing the eyes glisten a little and he realized that she had tears in her eyes. He couldn’t understand it as he saw the pain once more showing through but he didn’t feel the fear this time. It was as if she was talking to him but not really, like her mind was elsewhere and she was just stalling, like maybe she wanted to say more but didn’t know how or maybe even what.
The idea that Dakota had been talking about him all week made him feel warm inside too, and it was a glimpse into something he wished he knew more about. Suddenly he felt at ease, almost as if the fear had vanished but he knew it was still there, just that the whole idea of Dakota thinking about him all week was just too much for it. He felt kind of pleased too, and his mind was off on a dream even though it was still wondering what Rosalie wanted from him. Was she maybe trying to see if he cared for Dakota the same way he cared for him? Could it be that or was there something else and he saw her hesitation too, the way she would quickly glance at him and then turn away to stare out from the house. He too turned to stare out, seeing the nights sky grow darker, seeing the first sign of stars glittering and he felt strangely quiet as he sat there with her.
Noah “I really like him, I have never felt this way about someone, it is scary”
He didn’t know why he said it or even if she heard him because she didn’t say anything right away, she just kept staring out at the field and the sky. For a minute or two he wondered if he should say it again but he kept silent, staring out at the sky himself, wondering if she would understand how he felt, if she would object or support how he felt?
Rosalie “I suppose it can be, you do use condoms, don’t you Noah?”
His whole body suddenly grew taut and he felt his heart skip a beat as she asked him, and he felt the sweat start on his forehead as he could feel her eyes on him now. He knew she was staring at him but even though they did use condoms, it still was strange to discuss it with an adult, worse to discus it with Dakota’s mother.
Noah “Yes… he insisted, uh… I mean…”
Rosalie “Good, this, all this is still strange to us Noah, but, you both are so young, it is hard for me or Dakota’s father to quite believe it is how he says, but, he is our only son left, so I want your solemn promise Noah, never, I mean this, never let yourself get too carried away that you or he forget to use condoms, please… will you do that for me? For Dakota?”
There was something in her voice that finally made him summon up the strength to turn and look at her. He saw the pain but he saw something else too, and he wasn’t sure but he thought he saw fear, real fear in her face and it frightened him a little as he felt her take his hand into hers. He could feel her searching his eyes, staring deeply into them and he knew that she meant what she was saying, that somehow they maybe weren’t thrilled about Dakota bringing him home but they cared so much for him that that didn’t matter, as long as he and Dakota were safe.
Noah “Of course, I mean, yes…”
They held each other’s gaze for a few seconds and to Noah it seemed like hours had to have passed, the look was so intense and he could almost believe that she was searching his heart and soul to make sure he was telling her the truth. He had never felt so naked as he did in that second and yet his mind seemed to think he should be frightened but his heart kept telling him there was nothing to fear because he had spoken the truth. He stared back, letting her see his own feelings, feelings that even he hadn’t quite yet focused on or understood but somehow it was like she could read them, could understand them. He waited, his heart pounding or so it seemed but the fear was held back.
She patted his hand, feeling his nervousness and knowing inside that he was frightened of her and of the conversation but she had to do it, she had to know just what kind of boy her son had brought home. The whole day had been unreal to her not to mention the conversation she had with this boy’s mother. How would he react if he knew that his mother had come to her, had sought her out to find out if her son was who she thought he was? Would he bolt or would he face it? Looking into his eyes she knew that he might want to run, but that he wasn’t a coward, that he had more courage inside than maybe he realized but run he wouldn’t do. It gave her some hope too because she knew that ever since Montana had passed away that Dakota had been slipping away, that he had become withdrawn from them all and only this last week had he come close to being the boy she had always thought of. Noah had done that, she could see it now and she silently prayed that it would last, wondering what it was that had made God test them so much?
Her heart was heavy as she thought back to the first news, to that first explosive announcement that had so taken them aback and changed their lives forever. Inside she felt the loss growing and yet as she sat there, as she heard Dakota in the house, she knew that as much as she missed her eldest boy, she would never be without him. He lived on in her other children, in Arizona and in Dakota and maybe in some ways, all that she had gone through had a purpose, what she wasn’t certain but after talking to Noah’s mother, she knew that somehow there was a reason.
Rosalie “Good, I knew you would, and Noah?”
Noah “Yes?”
Rosalie “Don’t be afraid to talk, either to Dakota or me if you need to, okay?”
Noah “Okay”
Rosalie “Good, now I understand you boys are going star gazing, don’t forget your jacket, it gets chilly out there, and Noah… remember your promise”
Looking into her eyes he could see that she meant what she had said. He saw the love in there, behind the wall of pain that seemed ever so present around the whole family and he wondered for a moment about it, not sure what to do or say but he knew that at least she wasn’t against him, and that counted for something. He felt a bit easier about it too, remembering how she had told him that Dakota had been talking about him. In a way he didn’t feel so bad now and he felt a sense of hope, that maybe they could get past his fear and his stupidity from earlier, least he was hoping so when he saw Dakota standing at the door, Noah’s jacket and backpack in his hands.
Dakota “Promise what?”
Rosalie “To go easy on you of course”
Dakota “MOM!”
Rosalie “Yes dear?”
Dakota glanced at Noah and saw a small smile curling around his lips. For a brief moment he wished he could just reach out and kiss him but he couldn’t, well at least he didn’t think he could. He saw the sparkle in his mother’s eyes too and wondered what she had made Noah promise and somehow, he knew that Noah would tell him once they left the house. He kind of had an idea anyhow, his father had already stopped him inside and asked him if he was using protection, and he could see the worry in the man’s tired face. His heart had cried out, as he knew that his father wasn’t comfortable with this whole gay stuff but he also knew that he loved him. He wished things had been different, and he knew too that it was weighing on both of his parents just as it was on him too. Damn he missed
Dakota “Noah isn’t that type”
Noah “Oh I don’t know, I might surprise you”
Dakota and Rosalie both looked at Noah, a sort of amazement on both their faces as they realized that he was saying one thing, but meaning another. Rosalie had a small smile on her face and for the first time since Dakota had mentioned Noah, she felt a bit easier in her heart about it. She was so worried that he would make a mistake like
She sighed a little, feeling the pressure a bit, knowing that her life had one more complication in it, and that being the mother of a gay teenager was even harder than even she had thought. Her heart was heavy as she glanced heaven wards, wondering if
She reached down and patted
11:02 p.m.
Noah stared up at the sky, seeing the small brilliant blue white sparkles of the stars as he lay on the wooden floor. They had walked for almost a half hour through the field until a large tree had loomed up in the horizon. Slowly Dakota had guided them to it and once there Noah could see that it was not only a tall solid old tree but that there were wooden rungs running up its thick trunk. He stared at it a bit frightened because he wasn’t good with heights, but with some gentle urging from Dakota he made the climb up the tree.
He had taken each rung carefully, feeling Dakota right below him with each step, Dakota’s upper body resting lightly against his own shaking lower body. In some ways it was rather exciting too, which helped to contain his fear enough so that he could make the climb. Noah came up onto a rather firm wooden platform and as he crawled onto it, waiting for Dakota to join him he looked around, seeing a well laid out hide away.
Near the trunk was a large box, a small Styrofoam cooler and three rolled up old army sleeping bags. There also was a large metal plate with the stub of a candle dead centre and as he looked out, he could see the house they had come from, the warm lights showing the way back and as he turned around, he saw the endless sky open up before him. At the edge of the platform was a small telescope and it was aimed high up into the heavens.
They really hadn’t spoken much, Dakota lost in his own thoughts or so it seemed to Noah, and he was grateful in a way too, after all how did you tell the guy you loved that his mother wanted to make sure you used condoms? He didn’t quite understand why the whole family seemed so concerned about condoms, first Dakota when he came over that night, now his mother but he shrugged it off, after all it did make sense, still, the idea of feeling Dakota inside him, his bare pole running in and out against his insides did have a certain appeal to him, if he could just get past its size.
Noah could still feel a sort of dull ache in his butt and sometimes, as he walked or especially when he was climbing those rungs, he felt a strange tenderness inside, a sort of dull throb and part of it was from Dakota, but he also thought that part of it was that he still wanted it, still wanted to feel Dakota deep inside of him. He couldn’t quite explain it, because he could remember that tearing pain still and it was like his body was fighting, part wanting Dakota inside the other part not wanting the pain that came with it. Maybe there was another way? Maybe there was a different position or something, least Dakota made it seem like there was, which at least gave him some hope. Only trouble was, what if he couldn’t take it? No matter how or which way Dakota tried, what if he just couldn’t handle the pain would that end it for them? Would Dakota stop wanting to be with him or would it not make any difference?
Sitting there staring up at the sky, he knew that this wasn’t exactly how it went when he had dreamed about this time, about being with someone like Dakota. Reality was a lot different and he sat there, confused by what he had thought it would be like and what it had been like. He knew he cared for Dakota, that there was something about the way he felt each time his eyes would lock onto Dakota’s that made his heart skip a few beats as well, and yet it wasn’t quite how he had dreamed it. He never had thought about that pain for instance, and he hadn’t thought either of the need for protection and how it seemed so difficult to keep in mind, to have to take the time to use it, and he wondered if he could keep it hard enough, would he suddenly go limp because of it? What about Dakota, how did he manage to keep that weapon of his so hard and still take the time to slip that plastic cover on? Was it something you got by doing it often or what? So much to think about and yet despite all those thoughts, the primary thought still seemed to be his fear of failing Dakota.
In some ways he thought that maybe Dakota felt that way too, that maybe Dakota was just as scared, just as uncertain and yet he seemed so confident, so casual in how he had done it all, planning to have the condom in reach, planning even the time when to go for it, which wasn’t how Noah thought love making was. He always believed it was a sudden burst of desire and not something you just planned, or was it like the boy scouts, just a matter of being ready, being prepared? He shook his head a little, staring back around at the simple little tree house and he wondered if Dakota had ever done it up here with others, or was that why they were even here? Could Dakota have brought him up here so he could tell him that they could just be friends, or worse?
Dakota “My brother died of aids, did you know that?”
Noah hadn’t even noticed that Dakota had moved up to sit beside him. Both of them had their feet dangling off the edge of the platform. He turned to stare at the boy that had stolen his heart and he felt frightened as he saw the sadness written all over Dakota’s face. Noah wasn’t sure what to say, as he stared at the trembling lower lip of his friend, wondering why Dakota was saying this to him, and for a brief moment he thought about AIDS and what it meant, and his mind recoiled, wanting him to shift his body away, to move away so he wouldn’t be close to Dakota, frightened that perhaps Dakota also had it, that it might rub off on him too. His heart ached as it battled the unreasonable fear that welled up inside of him, his eyes growing wide as they sought out signs, wondering if there was something he had missed that would tell him if Dakota was also infected, also doomed.
Noah “I am sorry, I uh, I mean… it must have been hard”
He didn’t look at Noah, afraid to really as he could feel the fear reaching out, could feel the revulsion coming from Noah and he sighed, knowing that maybe he had been wrong in thinking that Noah would be different, in thinking that maybe he did have a chance at something other than a fleeting memory of what love, of what caring for someone else could mean. Maybe he should just take him home, letting his own dreams pass because he could feel the fear growing, hearing it in each word that Noah hesitantly spoke.
Dakota “You know, you don’t really die from AIDS, it’s from the other stuff, still… I think you would have liked him, I know he would have liked you, but… anyhow, that’s why you got the condom quiz from mom”
Noah “The condom, I mean, how did you…”
Dakota “They mean well, I guess its their way of trying to show, I mean… they don’t want to go through it again… least, well… you know.”
Part of him wanted to reach out, to put his arms around Dakota as he stared at him, saw the way his head was bend down, the way his eyes were misted over with threatening tears and yet all he could do was sit there, his hands in his lap, his fingers twitching a little as his own fear took hold keeping him from doing what his heart ached for him to do. Noah didn’t know what to say but at least he understood now why Dakota’s mom had made him promise, and why Dakota had freaked so much that first time. Still, why hadn’t he told him this before, why now? Was there more to tell? His heart grew still as he thought about it, wondering if the worse was yet to come, knowing that he was frightened now, scared that maybe even what they had done so far had given it to him too, and so he sat there, scared and confused, unsure of what to do or say.
Noah “I suppose, uh, why, uh, why didn’t you…”
Dakota “Tell you sooner?”
Noah “Yeah”
Dakota “I don’t know, guess I was scared you’d freak, that you’d maybe not want to get close to me, I am negative if you are wondering”
Noah “Negative?”
Dakota “Yeah, HIV negative”
Noah “How do you, I mean…”
Dakota “Took the test, hell every six months I take the test, ever since… ever since Montana told me, took my last one Tuesday… the results came back yesterday… so no I don’t have it, least not yet”
The relief he felt vanished as quickly as it had come. Noah stared out at Dakota, saw the tear near one corner of Dakota’s face slowly trickling down from the eye, slowly rolling down the pale face and he felt the pain inside, wondering where all this was leading to? His body shook a little as he realized that Dakota was afraid of him, that he was scared to look at him and as much as he felt confused and frightened himself, he realized that Dakota did care for him, that he was telling him this because he did care, that this wasn’t some way to push him away. His body shook a little as he reached out slowly, letting his one hand lightly touch Dakota’s knee, his eyes staring at his fingers resting on the faded jeans.
Dakota felt the soft touch, the hesitant brush against his knee and his face turned slowly, to stare down at the small hand resting just above the kneecap. He saw the fingers shaking a little as they rested barely on his leg, almost as if they were ready to fly off the second danger approached, and he could feel Noah’s fear but more than that he could smell it too. It was the same fear he had had when
Noah “What do you mean, not yet? If you don’t, I mean, I…”
He saw the confusion in Noah’s face, saw the fear and dread too in his eyes and as he heard the words he knew that he would have to tell him, that for some reason it had become important to him to let Noah know everything, to tell him the truth about who he was, what he was, and what he had done. Maybe, just maybe Noah would understand though he doubted it. He had never told anyone and yet the instant he had seen Noah, the very second he had seen him walking down the hallway towards the locker he thought maybe, that just maybe Noah was indeed the one person he could trust, he could love.
Dakota “I made love to
Noah’s eyes widened as he heard the words, a strange fear reaching for his heart as the ‘and’ hung in the air, as if to tell him more and he felt angry for a moment then frightened, wondering just how could Dakota have done it.
Noah “And? And what… you had sex with your brother after? I mean… You?”
Dakota “No, we didn’t have sex, I made love to him, here, on this platform, just before… just before he… “
Noah ‘He died? How… I mean… fuck how could you…”
There was no mistaking the anger or the disbelief in Noah’s face. He didn’t know why he had blurted it out, why he had to try and make Noah understand, but he had to, at least his heart seemed to tell him. There was so much he wanted to say, to explain and yet in some ways he didn’t think he should have to. It wasn’t that he was ashamed either,
How do you explain something that you yourself don’t quite understand? What he and
Dakota “I had to Noah, he was so, he needed to know I loved him, I knew you wouldn’t understand, but I had to do it, you can’t imagine how it felt… he was so afraid, so… I just had to is all”
Noah “But how could you? He had aids…. you could get it now, didn’t you, how could you?”
Dakota “He was my brother, I loved him, he needed me, I couldn’t let him die without knowing… I am sorry, I guess you just don’t, I guess you… I am sorry”
First he couldn’t take Dakota inside, now he was finding out that Dakota had done it not only with his brother, but that his brother had AIDS too, and he just didn’t know what to do. Part of him wanted to run, to just scamper down the tree and run as far away as his legs could take him. His mind kept telling him to leave, to run to escape but something held him, kept him from giving in to the panic that was raging inside of him.
He couldn’t even look at him, afraid that if he did he would grow to hate looking at Dakota’s face, at the vision he had of him inside and yet he felt himself being drawn to him, as if some strange force was taking hold, orchestrating it all and he hated it, wishing he could have just stayed safe in his nice little empty world. That was what he really wanted, because all this was so hard, so tough to understand. His heart ached though as he listened to Dakota’s voice, hearing the pain in it as well as the defiance and something inside wanted him to listen, wanted him to try to understand what could have possessed Dakota that way, or his brother for that matter. How could he have let Dakota do that if he really loved him?
Noah “No I don’t understand, how could you?”
Dakota “Don’t you think I knew that? Fuck… It happened because… because I loved him, I still do, maybe not the same way I care or love you, but it was just as powerful, just as important…”
Noah “You love me?”
Dakota “Yes I do, I don’t know why, but that first moment I saw you… it was like Montana had said it would be, I am sorry Noah, I didn’t want to hurt you, I am so sorry”
Strange how hearing that word, that simple little word could stop his anger, his disbelief so quickly. His heart seemed to suddenly pound faster as it took that word and felt it, felt the truth behind it too and his eyes misted as he tried to make sense of it all. Just for a brief moment he felt the warmth inside of him, that same warmth he always began to feel when thinking of Dakota and he didn’t know how to react now, what to say even as his face grew flushed and his eyes looked downwards at his hands.
Noah “He told you? I don’t… you really love me?”
Dakota “Yes, why do you think I am telling you all this?”
Noah “I don’t know, I guess…”
Dakota “It has to be love, I have never told anyone this, but for all those months that he was sick, fighting one illness after another, no one touching him, holding him or even just hugging him because they were all scared of catching it, the way his eyes looked each time I or anyone would walk in, the hope inside slowly getting less as we stood by, our hands always at our sides. Don’t you see? He thought we didn’t love him anymore, and all the words, they were just words, I had to show him, to prove to him that I at least still loved him, and it was the only way I could, the only way Noah, I only wish I hadn’t waited so long, I only wish I had always come in, hugged him each time, kissed him even, because now I can’t, I can’t touch him, hold him, don’t you see? At least I showed him before it was too late, can’t you understand that?”
Noah “But to have sex with him? He was your brother for Christ’s sake”
Why couldn’t Noah see it? It wasn’t sex, sex was just a way to get off, to shoot your load, what he and Montana had was more than that, it was being together in a way that maybe, even for those brief seconds when they were one person, one heart beating together, that they shared something more, they shared their thoughts, their dreams. It wasn’t about getting off, hell he couldn’t even remember if he did cum or not, all he could remember was how scared Montana had been and then how calm he became after, how he managed that smile a few more times, how his eyes didn’t look so frightened, so empty. That was what he remembered, not how his dick felt or even how
Dakota “It wasn’t sex, it was love”
Noah “Yeah right”
Noah had heard the angry lilt in Dakota’s voice but had ignored it, failing to recognize it before he spoke and yet now, after his sarcasms had been voiced he felt a chill inside, a sort of signal really and once more his eyes were drawn to Dakota’s face. He could see the flash of anger there, feel it even as he saw the way Dakota suddenly seemed to gain strength, to tower up in fact even though his body didn’t move. It was how he held himself, the way his shoulders became squared off, his eyes sparkling with defiance and his lips pressed tighter together as he answered him. He saw it all and felt a strange sense of awe creeping into him, and he also felt shame too, because as much as the whole idea of Dakota doing it with his older brother troubled him, it also made him feel a strange sense of pride too.
His mind was still reeling from the idea and yet deep inside the small voice kept hammering at him, forcing him to think, forcing him to listen and to look deep into Dakota’s face. The defiance in Dakota’s face wasn’t just that, it was also in a way a sort of pride, a sort of sign that Dakota was saying this is who I am, this is what I am about and it confused Noah, because in many ways it was also telling him that this is what he expected from Noah too and he didn’t know if he could meet that expectation, if he could rise to that standard that Dakota seemed to have.
Dakota “Yeah right it was, just like what you and me did, that wasn’t sex, least not to me, if it was just sex I was into I sure as fuck wouldn’t have stopped when you said it hurt…”
Noah “That is different”
Dakota “Why? Just cause you aren’t my brother or cousin? I showed him that he was special to me, just like he showed me a few years earlier, when I needed to know that someone out there cared… you have no idea how it can feel to be, to be this way”
Noah “I don’t know? Fucking hell I don’t! If I don’t know, how come I have never, well, you know…”
Dakota “It’s different for you, no one is pushing you to be something you aren’t, everyone in school isn’t after your ass cause you are some hot shot jock”
There was anger in his voice as he spoke up. How could Dakota be this way, think that he had it so bad? Christ the guy had it all, had the looks, the charm, the abilities and he though that he, Noah, had it easier? Shit, what did he know about going thru life having few friends, seeing everyone else have fun and go to parties while he sat at home watching television? The fire inside was hot, as he spoke up, unsure why Dakota couldn’t see what everyone else saw about him.
Noah “True, I am not drop dead gorgeous like you, but uh, you did notice my locker didn’t you? Doubt if you ever had that”
Dakota “I am not drop dead gorgeous… fuck I wish I was”
Noah “Shit go look in a mirror man, you are hot, that’s why the girls chase you, its why guys like me pinch themselves when you talk to us”
Dakota “Pinch yourself?”
Noah “Yeah, to make sure it isn’t just a part of the dream man”
Dakota “Dream? Is that what I am?”
Noah “No, well, yes in a way, shit Dakota you have it all, you are good in sports which is one thing, but you have the looks too, shit, you walk into a room and people know you are there, they sense you, you are what everyone wishes they could be”
Dakota “I doubt that”
Noah “It’s true, shit you have the looks, the eyes, the hair, everything, even the way you walk, talk, don’t you think you do? I mean… you have to know”
The words sounded good but he didn’t believe them and yet a part of him wanted to and maybe even a small part did. After all it was what
Dakota “No, no I don’t, but, that is why you want me? Because I have the ‘look’ or something?”
Noah “I guess, in a way yeah, but I don’t know, there is more too, I mean I have seen hot guys before, hell Rusty is one, but you, you are different, least for me you are”
Dakota “Yeah, different how?”
Noah “I don’t know, all I know is that when I think of you I want to cum, I get hard, I get scared too, I want to make you like me so much I don’t know what I mean anymore”
Dakota “So its sex for you? Is that what it is?”
They had been together naked, touched each other in places where no other guy had touched him, had kissed and hugged and as he heard the accusation, he realized that here he was, still a virgin really and here was this super hot stud, and even though he had failed to give Dakota the sex, the guy still was fighting for him, still wanted him. Noah knew he had disappointed Dakota by not being able to take it, by whimping out and yet, did he really know that?
Staring at Dakota, seeing the pain in his face as he had said the words, as he had thought that all Noah had wanted from him was sex showed him that maybe his own fears were wrong, that maybe all of his concern over trying to please Dakota was just his imagination of what Dakota had wanted? Could it really be that Dakota did want more than just a fuck boy? Did he want to be more than that to Dakota?
Noah “No, I mean, in one way it is, to think of losing my virginity to a guy like you, fuck that’s a dream come true, but I want more than that too, so no it isn’t about the sex, it’s like, I don’t know, when I look at you, touch you, it is like I am real and not some stupid fag, some geek that everyone picks on, it is like, well, like I matter…”
Dakota “Now you know why what Montana and I did wasn’t sex, it was love, least what I think love is, he made me feel special Noah, he made me feel like I wasn’t just some fag, some slime, he made me realize that who I was was special to him, at least I had that, can’t you see? I couldn’t let him die without showing him the same love, letting him know that he had made a difference, that he too wasn’t just a dumb fag, that he was special”
Noah “But you risked your life, you could… I mean…”
Dakota “I’d have done it bareback if he would have asked, he was the only one who ever really loved me Noah, least he was until… I mean, well…”
Noah “Until what?”
Dakota “Until I saw you, I never… I mean, until I met you, I didn’t think I could ever love anyone, that when Montana died, my life had died too, even if I could still walk and stuff, it was like there wasn’t any purpose, any reason… but seeing you, I don’t know, guess its why I showed up at your place, it was like suddenly life didn’t seem so bad, so empty”
Noah “really?”
Dakota “Really”
Noah “But what if, I mean I don’t know if I can do what you want, it hurt so much…”
If only he could say the words, if only he could find the way to tell Noah how he felt, to make him understand what it was that he wanted. In some ways he felt like he was fighting a losing battle, that maybe Noah wasn’t the one, that maybe it was all in his head and that he had built up this image of Noah that was just a fantasy and yet when he looked at him, when he saw how his face stared into his own, he felt hope, felt that there was something there, that it was just that Noah didn’t know how to respond, or that maybe he was just too scared, just as he had been when Montana had shown him how it was, how Montana had held him close, his hand caressing his hair, wiping his tears away, maybe that was it, maybe he just need to be patient, like Montana had been with him?
Yet too, it felt like maybe Noah didn’t want to know, that maybe Noah didn’t want the same things he did and that maybe, he was wrong, maybe Noah wasn’t the one, that perhaps he just wanted someone to pop him? He just didn’t know and yet, somehow inside he felt that he was wrong, that Noah did want what he wanted but that he, Dakota, wasn’t able to make it clear enough, wasn’t smart enough to break past all that so called book stuff. He felt helpless as he realized that he was failing, that all his dreams about what he and Noah could be together were just that, dreams.
Dakota “You don’t get it”
Noah “I want to, I do”
Dakota “Do You? ‘Cause I don’t care if I never fuck you, or you me for that matter, that isn’t what I want, it isn’t what makes me think of you all the time, I mean, yeah I like doing it, I mean the idea of being deep inside of you or having you in me, it makes me shake, but smelling you, listening to your voice, just watching the way your lips pout, or the way your nostrils flare, the touch of your breath on my face, all that makes me just as warm inside, makes me shake just as much if not more so, yeah that physical stuff is nice, but you do more for me without it, I don’t need that, I just want to, I just want to mean something to you, to have you feel just a little like I feel about you.”
Noah “Then why, I mean why tell me about you and
Dakota “I guess, I don’t know, I guess in some ways it was to see if you were real, if you wanted me for me or for my dick, I don’t know Noah, all I know is that to me, you make me feel like, well, feel like I count, that there is someone I can talk to, share things with.”
Noah “Share things? Like what?”
Dakota “I don’t know, I guess to have someone near when I wait for the next test result?”
Noah’s head lifted up as Dakota spoke and he could hear the fear and loneliness in each word that Dakota spoke. His heart ached for him and he didn’t know what he could do as he stared at him, saw the desperation in Dakota’s eyes and yet he felt his own fear too, wondering if he could be what he thought Dakota wanted. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to try and be that, he just didn’t know if he could, if he had what it would take but as he stared into Dakota’s brown eyes, saw the flickering hope growing weaker, he felt a tremble in his body, and without even realizing it he knew he was now standing up.
Dakota saw Noah shake, saw his arm quiver as Noah pushed himself up onto his feet and Dakota could feel his heart trembling, afraid of what was to happen. His mind screamed at him, telling him he should have kept quiet, should have kept his big mouth shut and yet deep down inside, the small tiny frightened voice still spoke up, still haunted his heart with its desire to be heard and he closed his eyes for a second, willing his body to stay still, willing his heart to keep on beating as he felt Noah walk past him towards the tree trunk and the way down.
Tears filled his eyes as he blinked and he was afraid to turn and watch Noah disappear down the tree, afraid to feel the waves of emptiness come back to haunt him as they had ever since Montana had finally ended his suffering. His body shook as he imagined the worse, his eyes finally peering upwards, asking if there would ever be that right person, if there would ever be a chance to stop being so alone when he heard Noah’s small frightened voice calling his name. Dakota turned around to see that Noah hadn’t left; instead he was standing by the rolled up sleeping bags and the wooden box.
Dakota “What?”
Noah “I said can I put these out on the floor, the sleeping bags”
Dakota “yeah, uh sure but I thought…”
Noah “That I was leaving?”
Dakota “Uh huh”
Noah “Do you want me to?”
Dakota “no”
Noah “Good, I don’t want to leave, I want to stay”
Dakota “Are you sure?”
Noah “Uh huh”
He watched with his mouth slightly open as Noah pulled the three bags away from the tree and brought them over to where Dakota was sitting. He looked down at Dakota, a thin smile around his lips as he unrolled two of them, laying them side-by-side and open out on the deck. Slowly he unzipped the third bag, putting it down at the foot of other two, making it look like a covering sheet and then he slowly walked over to the edge, staring down and then upwards, watching the stars blinking in the growing darkness of the night.
Noah stared up, not sure if he was doing the right thing as he could feel the fear tearing at him as his mind continued to torture him with what Dakota had revealed. How could he have done it still echoed in his head but his heart seemed to understand, seemed to make sense out of it and the small voice within seemed no longer to be pleading, no longer afraid either and as he looked upwards, he felt his doubts subsiding a little, afraid still but willing to try, willing to take that blind leap of faith towards fulfilling his dreams.
Noah “Are we boyfriends?”
Dakota stared at Noah, saw the way he was staring upwards and he wondered what he was thinking, wondering if he was doing this because he wanted to or was it out of some sort of pity, some form of feeling sorry for him? The words startled him as he saw the way Noah held himself upright.
Dakota “If you want, I’d like that”
Noah “Even if it meant that we never had sex?”
Dakota “Yes”
There hadn’t even been a second’s hesitation in Dakota’s answer, which surprised Noah a little. His mind told him that they couldn’t have a relationship like that, and yet Dakota seemed to think they could which was weird. He had to admit though, he still wanted Dakota, he still wanted to touch him, to feel him and yet he was holding back, still afraid of the unknown or maybe it wasn’t that, maybe he was simply afraid that all he had to offer was sex and he knew he wasn’t good at it. Could that be why he was feeling so torn, so uncertain?
Noah “Are you sure?”
Dakota “Yes”
Noah “I mean, nothing, no physical stuff, not even maybe being naked together, wouldn’t that make you want someone else?”
Dakota “No, I don’t think so, shit Noah, all I know is I want to be with you, naked, dressed, it doesn’t matter to me, I just want you, whatever you are comfortable in sharing with me”
Noah “Even if all that might be is a kiss or a hug, or just sitting holding hands? You are okay with that?”
Dakota saw Noah turn to look down at him and he saw the fear in his face as well as the doubts. It was strange but he could sense what was troubling him, what was really bothering him and he sighed, seeing also how Montana had looked when he had reached out and touched him, letting his finger run along Montana’s quivering lips, the way his heart had shuddered at the first real human touch and he knew that sex wasn’t what Montana had wanted or needed, that what Montana had needed was just that simple touch, that simple gesture was all that mattered.
Looking at Noah he knew that as much as he desired to be a part of Noah, to experience all of his body, to taste it to feel it, he wanted that other touch more. He wanted to feel Noah’s heart beat next to his every second that he took a breath, and he knew that he could have that just by a touch, just by a closeness.
Dakota “Sometimes, when it really counts, just a look is enough Noah, if two people really care about each other, I know that is how I feel about you”
He could see that it was true too, the way Dakota’s eyes looked right into his, past his eyes to reach deep down into his soul. He felt the touch of Dakota’s desire reaching for him, knowing that all he had to do was stand there, that it was all Dakota needed but he wanted more, he needed more.
Noah “I want to make love to you but I am afraid”
Dakota “I know”
Noah “No, it isn’t that, not the AIDS stuff…”
Dakota “I know Noah, but you don’t have to be afraid, just, just saying what you have said is enough for me, honest”
Noah “Maybe, but not for me, I need more, but I am afraid I’ll fail you again”
Dakota “But you haven’t failed me”
Noah “I couldn’t take you inside, what if I can’t please you if I…”
Dakota “You tried, that’s what counts, and you don’t have to worry about being in me, just being next to me is enough, honest”
Noah “No, no it isn’t, will you help me?”
Dakota “I don’t, how?”
Noah “Tell me, tell me what to do, how to do it, please… I want to make love to you, to feel you, to have you feel for me what, what you felt for your brother, please… Please Dakota… help me”
Tears were running down his face as he slowly stood up and walked over to where Noah was standing. He looked into his eyes and gently he raised his hand up, wiping the few tears that were rolling down Noah’s face. His heart skipped a beat or two as his fingers touched the warm flushed cheeks, feeling the trembling body shake to his touch and he could hear a distant roar in his ears, a roar that he knew was coming from Noah.
He leaned inwards, gently moving his head to one side, seeing Noah’s head tilt the opposite way and gently his lips brushed up against Noah’s mouth. He felt the flash of fire deep inside and in a millisecond he felt the answering flicker coming from deep within Noah’s own soul as well. He sighed as he pulled his head back and stared into Noah’s warm eyes, seeing the love growing inside, seeing it slowly push aside the fear that held them both captive.
Dakota “Are you sure?”
Noah “Yes”
Dakota smiled and then he reached into his pocket, taking a few small packages out and he bent down and placed them off to one side of the sleeping bag. He could feel Noah’s eyes watching him as he bent down and then he stood back up and turned to face Noah once more. His face was aglow with a new warmth that came from deep within his soul as he reached out and once more let the back of his hand run down Noah’s face. There was no mistaking the tremor that his touch brought to Noah and he felt his own body shake as well as he pulled back, letting his hand reach to his shirt, slowly unbuttoning each button, his eyes glued to Noah’s face, watching Noah watch him.
He let his shirt fall to the floor and then he kicked his shoes off, and then bent forward to remove his socks. As he leaned forward he brushed past Noah’s body and he breathed in deeply, smelling that special aroma and scent and he felt his legs shudder as the scent filled his body with its tantalizing fragrance. His bare feet rested on the open sleeping bag, as he stood upright once more, staring fully into Noah’s face. Dakota could see the eyes peering at him, taking it all in as he unbuttoned his pants and let them fall down his long lanky body. He stepped out of them by reaching out with one hand, to rest it on Noah’s shoulder, steadying himself.
The shock of touching Noah was almost too much as Dakota felt his body grew tense, felt the hardness of his own penis as he now stood up to his full height, letting the warm night air blow gently across his naked body as he looked into Noah’s face, making sure that it was as he had first seen, that Noah truly did want this and he wasn’t disappointed. There was no mistaking the love that now shone out from Noah’s face and Dakota felt his heart beating a bit faster now as he smiled at Noah, gesturing for him to follow his lead and to undress.
Noah’s eyes were filled with tears as he saw the way Dakota smiled at him, his heart beat faster as his hands slowly began to reach up. His fingers shook as they moved across his body to gingerly unbutton his shirt. He lowered his head to stare at his trembling fingers watching each button pop open slowly exposing his milky white flesh to Dakota’s eyes. With his shirt open he took a quick glance upwards, staring into the soft warm face of Dakota. His heart skipped a beat as he saw the desire welling up in the rich dark eyes of the boy in front. His hands pulled his shirt open wider until it slowly fell off his shoulders to rest at his feet. Dakota could see the quick beat of Noah’s heart his own body trembling with the mounting excitement that filled him.
Noah could feel Dakota’s warm breath blowing across his chest as his fingers struggled with the buttons, slowly unpopping each one. He held his own breath as his nervousness still held sway, as his mind still reeled from all it had heard, but his heart continued to rise in tempo, continue to shout down the doubts and fears that seemed to plague him as his trembling fingers finally undid the last button to his shirt. He felt the warm night air gently caress his flesh, and with still trembling fingers, he slowly opened his shirt, pulling it back to let it gently slide off his shoulders and fall to the floor around his feet. He couldn’t look up but his heart continued to thunder, the voices from deep down within began to grow in strength and his eyes flashed upwards for a second, and as they did they were suddenly held in a warm embrace that seemed to flow across from Dakota.
His eyes began to water as he stared into
Dakota “Are you sure Noah? I mean…”
Noah heard the soft words, heard the fear in them too and he knew in that instant that Dakota was the person he wanted to share his body with but more than that, who he wanted to share his life with. It was weird really, to think at his age that he’d want no one else but the way Dakota looked, the way his touch made him feel was exactly how he had dreamed it would be. The doubts, the fears, they still rested inside but they no longer controlled him and he felt the warmth inside, the desire and the love as they now took charge.
Noah “Yes”
As he spoke he pushed down on his pants forcing them down his thin legs, the growing desire making them tremble with excitement as his body brushed next to Dakota’s, and he felt the strong hands holding him steady, keeping him from falling as he slowly stepped out of the pants and then lifted his torso upright, to once more gaze into Dakota’s face. He smiled a thin smile as he still saw some doubt, some worry but as he smiled, he let his face moved forward and he lightly brushed his lips up against Dakota’s mouth, tasting the saltiness and also tasting the desire.
He could feel the desire growing as he reached out and moved Dakota’s hands up onto his chest, his own hands then moving back down to push his shorts off his body, to let free his own throbbing pole of desire. His eyes blinked as they stared down, seeing the long throbbing penis of Dakota, the white blinking flow of pre cum slowly coating the fiery purple cock head and he breathed in deeply, smelling the scent of desire, smelling his and Dakota’s youthful desire mingling together and his heart started to pound louder, echoing loudly inside his head. His mind was denied its power now, no more did it hound him with its doubts and fears and hesitations, instead it was pushed aside by the roar of his heart and the singing voices coming from deep within his soul.
Noah’s shorts lay at his feet and he reached up to hold onto Dakota’s shaking shoulders as he slowly stepped out of them. His body moved in closer to brush closer into the warm flesh of Dakota’s own throbbing body. The touch of Dakota’s hard pole against his belly made his body shudder as he felt Dakota reaching for his face, his hands gently holding his cheeks and lifting his face up to stare into his eyes. He saw the desire but something else too as his head came closer and they touched lips, the shock making his body tremble with a strange warmth that filled every part of his body.
Every inch of his body suddenly felt so alive, so full of life that he couldn’t believe it and all from a simply touch, a simple brush of the lips and yet it was like a whole new world being suddenly opened before his very eyes. Noah felt the tears rolling down his face as he shook and stared into Dakota’s very soul. He saw the love now, recognizing it for what it really was and his heart leaped forward, gunning into fast gear and he thought it would burst out from his chest as his body heaved and he felt the strong arms holding him tight, feeling the love surrounding his young body and he just knew that this was how it was supposed to be, that this was exactly what he had prayed for, dreamed of but never quite understanding what it was. Now he knew and he felt relieved as he leaned inwards, pressing his lips hard into Dakota’s mouth, his tongue flicking out in a furious flash that surprised Dakota.
He tasted the salt of Dakota’s own tears and their flavour only drove him into an even greater frenzy as his hands now reached out, holding onto Dakota’s own trembling body, the palms moving along the well defined sides, feeling the taut muscles coiled beneath the simmering flesh. He could feel each nerve tingle to his touch that only made his own body ache more and yet it was an ache that seemed to give him immense pleasure. His body groaned as it pushed inwards, wanting to melt into Dakota’s own hot fiery flesh.
He felt the hard push of Dakota’s massive thick penis running up the side of his belly, making his whole skin burn with the desire that raged from within, and he sighed as he felt his own pole digging hard into the soft warm flesh of Dakota’s thigh muscle. His whole body groaned with desire as his mouth continued to drink from Dakota. Everything was a massive explosion of new feelings as his lips now pressed up against the firm jaw of the young boy, then his teeth suddenly nibbled lightly on the underside of the chin, the force pushing Dakota’s face upwards. Noah could feel the rising heartbeat next to his own heaving chest as his mouth licked and kissed at the soft hollow of the neck, his back feeling Dakota’s strong fingers digging ever so slightly into his muscles. His body pressed inwards, meeting Dakota’s own feverish thrust and he felt the rise in his groin, felt the press of his balls up into the very root of his cock and he knew he would soon release his cream, but he didn’t mind because he knew they had all night, that it would be awhile before he would be anywhere near ready to explore the inner sanctum of Dakota’s body.
The realization that this was just a first step towards a whole new life for him dawned in brilliant techno colour. His body shook as his penis pressed harder into Dakota’s thigh, his mouth sucking on the warm salty flesh of Dakota’s neck, his teeth gently biting at the skin, and he could hear the increasing shallowness of Dakota’s breathing. His body grew tense and he could feel the fiery heat welling up in his groin as his body continued to press harder, continued to try and become a part of Dakota’s own mortal flesh.
Dakota’s hands reached down and firmly gripped the two shaking orbs of Noah’s buttocks, the fingers began to dig into the soft hot flesh and he could hear Noah’s soft moan of pleasure mingle with his own strident groan of desire. His body grew hotter as he pulled the young body closer, forcing the thick throbbing penis to push beyond his thigh and go past his own sweating groin. The touch of the hot cock head past his balls made his own penis jerk and sway as it was pressed between their two bodies. He felt the coiled muscles in Noah’s belly tighten and he pulled harder, forcing Noah in even more, forcing the hot throbbing pole to squeeze past even as his own legs clamped themselves tighter, trying to deny the throbbing pole any space.
Noah suddenly cried out and his body bucked and swayed in Dakota’s arms as his penis hurled itself forward, the hot press of Dakota’s flesh only adding to the pleasure that now raced from deep inside of Noah’s soul to pour itself out along the wide open tunnel that led out from the hot blood gorged pole. His body shook to the violent explosion and unlike all the other times, he didn’t feel ashamed, he didn’t feel like he had let Dakota down or ruined anything. This time he felt good as his body was held tightly in Dakota’s arms, his exploding body held close as the hot stream of his cream came cascading out and splattered all along the inside of Dakota’s inner thigh. He felt the sudden inhale of breath as the first stream struck the sizzling flesh of Dakota’s inside leg and it was like a whole new experience for him as he could feel the sudden press of Dakota’s own massive pole. He felt it jerk and grow hotter as his body shook and he felt a small tremor starting around the back where his own hands rested on Dakota’s body, and he could feel the boy’s muscles tightening even more as his body continued to empty itself of its first stream of milk.
His breath grew ragged as his body surrendered to the sudden explosion of love that began to roll down the inside of Dakota’s legs. He could feel the hot breath of Dakota on his shoulder and it only grew hotter as his body continued its wild gyration of motions. His groin was pressed hard into the body, his softening penis still dripping hot love from its gorged head and he could feel his own muscles slowly uncoiling, slowly relaxing as the force of his explosion started to end its wild torrent but the hot press of Dakota’s own hard member against his stomach seemed to be growing, becoming hotter and more pressing. Noah could feel the hard press as Dakota’s own body began to shake more, began to tremble with a pending sense of urgency that was confirmed by the rapid intake of breath and shallow breathes that now blew hotly across his neck and shoulders. The arms held him even tighter, squeezing him tighter, removing all space between their two sweating bodies. It was almost as if he was being sucked into the very flesh of Dakota’s body and he cried out as he felt the hard thick pole digging into his very stomach.
He heard a loud gurgling cry of pain and then a searing heat began to crawl up his body from where Dakota’s hard penis rested. He felt the hot liquid defying gravity as it was shot out from the huge cannon that was Dakota’s penis and he found his own hands clasped around the shaking and trembling back of his lover, holding him even tighter, squeezing him as if his very life depended on it. His body shook and tears rolled down from his eyes as he felt the hot thick cream rolling up his heaving stomach and onto his chest, their two bodies crushing each other, smearing the hot thick milk between them, making it like a hot glue that was binding them together. His head ached and the tears misted his eyes as he heard Dakota’s cries next to his ears.
The pain was so intense and yet so sweet that he wasn’t sure if it was pain or pure joy that was causing his chest to ache so hard. Every part of his body felt like it was being twisted and turned into shapes that were impossible for a human body to conform to, but his was and all the time he could feel the slow roll of Noah’s cooling cum travelling down his inner leg just as his own hard cock was rearing back, just as his own body was suddenly no longer his to command but was overtaken by its own secret desires. He felt the sharp pain of his balls slinging upwards, felt the heat inside his body boiling up as he grasped tightly to the shaking body in his arms.
Dakota couldn’t believe that this was happening, that his own body was about to explode without even the touch of a hand or the press of a lip. One part of him was suddenly shocked by the wild emotions that were suddenly released inside of his soul while the mind was off in shock, his heart being the only part that seemed to know and understand what was happening to him. He cried out as his hard thick cock suddenly seemed to explode, all feeling gone as all he could feel was a sudden exhilaration, a sudden release of all of his fears and doubts and he cried out, hearing his own voice garbled by the power of his emotions.
He knew his penis was only resting along the taut stomach of Noah and yet it felt almost as if he was indeed inside of the boy’s body. He could almost hear the heart pounding next to his own thundering heart and yet not quite, not fully but as his body continued to spew its milky love all over the shaking flesh, he knew inside that this was just a prelude to what was to come and he suddenly saw the image of his brother flash before his eyes. He cried silently as he saw that smile, that knowing look and that tell tale wink as if the image was really there, as if it was watching and giving its approval and his whole body continued to twist and turn and press inwards, devouring the flesh that stood before it and now he could hear it clearly, now he could feel Noah’s heart beating as well as hear it.
Tears rolled down his face that was now nestled deeply into the crook of Noah’s neck. He could feel them mingling with sweat and yet he didn’t feel embarrassed anymore as he held on, knowing that this was a beginning for him, a chance that he had never dreamed would come again to him but it was and he felt the joy coursing thru his whole body. He felt the tingle down in his toes and in each strand of his long hair. He felt so alive, so full of love that his hands grew even tighter, his clasp growing like a steel chain that nothing could severe and as he felt the strength of his own desire, he also could feel it coursing thru Noah’s own smaller body. He felt the power there and suddenly he was no longer afraid, but more than that he didn’t feel so alone anymore, so empty.
They stood there in the darkening night, the warm soft wind gently blowing across their shaking bodies and yet they saw nothing but each other. They stood there, feeling their love begin to form an unbreakable bond that no one could ever break and as they stood there, their cum mingled with their sweat to unite their souls for a brief second in time. Time seemed to stand still in awe of the force of their love as they held tightly to each other, slowly letting the force of their desire cool, slowly letting the shock of their wild show of desire for each other ease.
As the physical passion seemed to cool between them, Dakota could feel the passion within only growing warmer, only becoming more intense as finally they were able to stop their shaking, to hold less tightly onto each other because somehow, in some weird strange way they both knew that the other was never going to be far away, that the other would always be there to hold, to hug, to kiss and to love. Dakota’s body relaxed and he pushed his head up to stare finally into the liquid pools of Noah’s eyes. He saw the truth of their desire, of their love resting there and he felt the growing love reaching for him, reaching for his own love and he lifted his hand up, a finger gently wiping a tear from the corner of Noah’s face.
Dakota “God I love you Noah”
Noah “I… I know, I can feel it…”
Dakota smiled as he bent his head forward and lightly pressed his lips against Noah’s warm moist lips. He tasted the salty sweat and tears that had flowed around them and he reached out, holding onto Noah’s hand and slowly helped him to slink down to his knees. He too let his body sink down, and finally the two of them were stretched out on the open sleeping bags. He propped his head onto his hand as he turned to look down at Noah all stretched out, his face peering up at him with nothing but a shiny glow, a beaming ray of love that shown out from deep within Noah and he felt at peace as he let his one hand gently caress the sweaty chest, his eyes never leaving Noah’s adoring face.
Dakota “Me too…”
