Rent Boy - Chapter 7

September 11, 2007 · Filed Under Rent Boy

Table of contents for Ren Boy

Chapter 7

Josh and Billy looked at each other. The words seemed to hang in the air as they looked into each other’s heart. The quiet manner in which Gordon had spoken those few words had touched them deeper than even Gordon had thought. He just stood there, looking into his glass of liquid courage. His whole body seemed to sag, not the usual Gordon pose. Billy could feel his heart being tugged by the almost pathetic figure that he had once feared.

Josh looked up first, his blue eyes squinting in the sunshine as he took in the man before him. There was something different, not just the physical change, but something far more complete. He had spent the night hating Gordon, in between his worry over Billy. He didn’t feel any

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kinder towards Gordon as the morning had gone on; but now, well now things seemed different. Maybe he was wrong, maybe Billy was really right when he said Gordon was one of the few decent john’s in his life.

His blue eyes found the dark orbs that seemed clouded over, no sparkle left in them. Josh could feel the deep sense of pain inside the man, as if he himself was inside feeling the heart twisting inside the rib cage. His body twitched as he stared further into the regions that was Gordon, searching for the angle.

“Come on Gordon, what are you talking about?”

“Just what I said Billy, no more being just a trick. I want more than that. I want to be your friend.”

“Yeah, right Gordon. Look, why would you want that? You say some of the strangest things… right now…”

“Right now is for real William; and what is it you are afraid of ? Am I that undesirable to you as a friend instead of a trick?”

“No… look you are taking this all wrong…”

“Maybe… but I know that sitting there with your lover… I never felt so fucking alone. So isolated…”

“You have friends Gordon… lots of them. Okay, so maybe I won’t cry if you were to suddenly die, that doesn’t mean I don’t care.”

Gordon sat down in a chair, facing the two young men. Billy no longer lay back, he was sitting up, the worry clearly etched in his young face. Josh sat there, his head swiveling back and forth taking it all in. His eyes still trying to figure the whole scene out.

“What I have Billy are a large number of people who call me a friend, only because of what they get out of it. They don’t call me a friend because they mean it, no more than you do, at this moment. Now do you?”

“Okay. Yeah, I suppose maybe you are right to a point. But come on Gordon, just what do you expect from someone like me?”

“Someone like you? Is that supposed to mean you aren’t capable of having me as a friend? That a young person such as yourself can’t have older friends?”

“Fuck… no, that isn’t what I mean… shit… you want to really get into this Gordon… fine… let’s get into it. For starters you know damn well that all I am is a slut, a piece of meat for hire, and yeah, maybe I do want more than that, but that isn’t gonna happen. Fuck, I don’t even know how Josh here can stand being with me never mind someone with your culture or class…”

“Hold on Billy, you can’t mean all that. Sure, I know what you do, so does Josh and he is in love with you… why can’t…”

“He thinks he’s in love with me, but he’ll smarten up soon enough…”

“I don’t think so Billy. I am in love you and always will be. How can you say that I won’t?”

“Josh… look… I know what I am, okay? You don’t know the half of this type of life. You think you can handle it. But look at how freaked you are today? Come on admit it…”

“Okay… yeah, it scares me, but…”

“No buts, Josh… this is my life… this shit isn’t anything to what I’ve been through. Fuck, you only know the half of it… you think because we spent time together and nothing serious happened… that all I did was let a couple of jerks suck my dick that this really isn’t that bad of a life… well…”

“No Billy… I don’t think that… I am not totally stupid you know…”

“Come on William. Okay, so life being a male prostitute isn’t fun. Surely there are other things a talented person like you could do. You don’t need to be someone’s sex toy…”

“No? You don’t think so Gordon? Okay. Tell me this then. If you knew me, would you have let me and Josh stay here if it wasn’t for the chance and opportunity of you getting to wet your dick in our bodies? Come on… you want honesty… well…”

“Yes. Yesterday, and even up till last night, that would be true; but

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I have come to realize that even money isn’t all that it’s cracked up to be. I saw how Josh looked at you when you came back last night. I saw how he stood over you today… the way he cares. That is what it is all about Billy, and whether or not you sell your body, that type of love isn’t going to change how he feels about you.”

“Christ. You really think that love can conquer all Gordon? Man I had you pegged all wrong. I thought you had savvy…”

“I do Billy. Love by itself can move a great deal… with some faith and some hard work… yes, miracles can happen… so why not let them happen for you? I am not asking for much, am I?”

“Shit, you still don’t get it, do you Gordon?”

“Enlighten me then, William.”

“No. I don’t think you want me to… you… shit Gordon, why can’t it just be like it was? So I got roughed up a bit. Do you or Josh think I am so weak I can’t handle a bit of pain?”

“Handling pain that other’s inflict is one thing… when you have to… when you don’t have to is just plain stupid William, and you aren’t a stupid person.”

“Stupid? No maybe not stupid, but get real, both of you. I am a whore. Do you understand that? I sell my dick to some fat bastard with a buck or two… not because I like his greasy hands on my body, but because it is all I can do…”

“Now that is shit Billy. Maybe at times you have to… hell I did to

get out of my home, but there are other things we can do…”

“You think so Josh? Well then you aren’t too bright. Do either of you figure I like being a whore? I really don’t you know, not that what I want counts… but I do what I have to simply live…”

“That is a cop out William. Maybe there have been times when you haven’t had a choice, but now you do have one…”

“Do I? Neither of you get it… this is who I am… I am a slut, a whore, hoe, whatever you wanna call it. I have been doing this since I was 13 years old… yeah, that’s right… 13 because no one would hire me to wash dishes. The first time I tried that, I had the cops on my back, sending me back. I tried… this is what I do… this is what I survive on, my dick not my brains…”

“But that was then…”

“And what… now that I am older things are different? Fuck man, you live in a dream world Gordon. I have been on my own since I was 6 or so. I have been on the streets in some city since I was 14. I can show you hundreds of ways to get a condom on in less than a couple of seconds, but don’t ask me to conjugate some friggin verb cause I don’t even know what you talking about. I can read, a bit. And yeah, I can even write some. But to sit down and read one of them fancy books in your library? Not a fucking hope in hell Gordon. So what else am I

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gonna do?”

“Learn how… maybe?”

“Sure. And how am I supposed to live? You gonna let me stay here without giving you some of my dick?”

“Yes…”

“Come on… no way… you know that.”

“I am serious William. What is it you really want to do, what is it that you dream of doing?”

“And what does that matter? Shit man, it doesn’t matter what I want… it is what I am that counts… and for me that is being some piece of meat for guys like you to drool over and paw all the time. That’s what I am good for… and that’s what I do. So all this other shit… it’s only talk man. No way I can be more than this.”

“Says who?”

“Says everyone. Come on Gordon. I can show you dozens of ways to put a condom on that’ll make you moan like crazy but no way can I tell you how to set up your stereo, why your car has a weird sound or anything else. Fuck, I know I am no brain. So why beat a dead horse? Get real Gordon…”

“Billy, you aren’t a piece of meat to me… I love you… doesn’t that count for something?”

“Sure it does Josh. But that isn’t gonna put food on the table. It isn’t gonna get us a roof over our head is it? Man, you are living in a dream world of love beats the odds… it would be nice, lots of regular guys find it but they have something going for them other than how to suck a guy off without taking his juice…”

“William, enough of that shit… you have so much to offer… you aren’t stupid. You have a brain as well as the looks, so stop this feeling sorry for yourself… shit… listen to what we are saying. I know love won’t put food on the table but at least it’ll help make the hunger more bearable. It may not put a roof over your head either but at least it gives you something that’ll help keep you warm. That has to count for something… even in your eyes… doesn’t it?”

“God, you make it all sound so easy. But for me… I am not one of those who gets those kind of breaks Gordon. Yeah, I know you are gonna say I have Josh now, but how long is that going to last?”

“Forever, if you let it Billy… forever.”

“No Gordon… not forever… sorry Josh… I know you love me… why I still don’t know. And there is nothing I’d want more than to be with you for the rest of our lives. But I am also realistic… this type of life. It is only gonna make you crazy… it’ll make you hate me… and damn it… there is nothing I can do to prevent it. I am not good for anything else, don’t you two get it? I am nothing. All I have is a nice body, a decent cock, and the knowledge of how to use it… that is me,

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just a cock for hire. I want more… god, you don’t know how often I used to pray for more… but…”

“But what? You figure cause you didn’t get more then that now you are doomed to this type of life?”

“Yeah. Something like that. Hell, I am just not worth the effort for him. Even God has some standards you know… He… fuck… I can’t explain this… all I know is, Gordon, that I can’t live the way you think I should… I am a whore… it’s all I am good for…”

Gordon stared at his two young friends. Josh was in tears, you could see them rolling down his face, even his body was trembling in fear as he stared at Billy. You could see the pain written all over his face as he struggled to try and reach the one person whom he loved. Billy sat there, unwilling to meet anyone’s eyes. His face was also tear stained, but his body told it all. He really did feel that he had no other purpose in life, that for some reason he was alone in the world, doing what he could to just exist, his dreams buried so deep that he didn’t even remember them anymore. His spirit appeared broken, but Gordon could feel it still there, all it needed was a chance.

Gordon rose from the chair and slowly walked over to Billy. He sat down next to the quaking body. With a flick of his wrist, he threw his glass away into the pond, the noise and motion startling Billy and Josh. Then he simply opened his arms up, willing with all his might to have Billy fall into them. Patiently he waited as Billy slowly looked into his eyes, the tears now rolling freely down his cheeks.

It didn’t seem like much, merely a slight shudder at first, then it started to deepen. Billy felt his chest heave, his lungs desperate for air, his heart desperate for the warmth of those massive flabby arms. His brain recalled how he felt as Gordon carried him into the bedroom after he had dressed his wounds. He could feel the strong pressure of Josh’s hand as he walked by his side to the bedroom.

Then it was all over. Billy fell forward into Gordon’s waiting arms, tears falling like a cloudburst. His sobs came from deep within his guts and his whole body shook as he felt the massive arms close around his shivering body. He couldn’t control himself as he cried.

He thought back to his home, how his stepfather used to beat him, how his school mates thought he was weird because he never had anything new, not clothes, not shoes, not even books or pencils. Whatever he had, was always seconds, and the constant yelling voice of that drunk who pretended to be his father still echoed in his ears.

‘Loser. Dopey.’ Those were his words of encouragement. And here was someone who he respected telling him that those words weren’t true. He cried deeply, barely able to catch his breath and he could feel a strange warmth holding onto him. His back felt like he was being crushed and he realized that Josh was holding onto him as well, adding

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his own love and strength to Gordon’ s arms.

The tears flowed for what seemed like hours, but in fact was only a few minutes. His entire life passed in front of him as he let the two sets of arms hold onto his trembling body.

He saw his stepfather kicking him out to eat with the dogs simply because he got a poor grade on a spelling test. He saw the police office run his club into his gut because he didn’t like fags. He saw the leering face of the man from last night as he slowly placed the lit cigarette against his dick. He saw it all, but he saw something else as well. His eyes focused on a strange glow, it seemed to just be there, and then he saw the blue eyes of Josh.

His tears stopped as his brain focused on the soft glow of Josh’s eyes. The dark images of his life seemed to slowly disappear. The sharp jagged face of his stepfather now seemed to be rather wobbly and misshapened. The glow from the cigarette seemed to be lessening as the blue from Josh’s eyes grew deeper and seemed to just overwhelm his brain.

Billy pulled himself upright, letting the arms holding him slip away but he didn’t see the images return. All he could see was Josh. The soft skin wrinkled in concern, the eyes probing his being as he struggled to regain his own composure. The touch of Gordon’s hand on his knee felt like a security blanket.

“Well… uh… guess you hit a nerve Gordon… sorry bout this…

I generally am not such a sap…”

“No I suppose you haven’t wanted to be… until now… Billy, don’t you see. You don’t have to go on doing what you don’t want to be. Won’t you trust me?”

“Trust you? That’s a good one. No, I am not trying to be a jerk. Shit… this doesn’t make sense… why are you doing this? What is in it for you?”

“Angle? Yes, I guess that is how you must see this all. No, Billy, there isn’t really an angle. I just want to have a real friend… someone I can share all this with… someone who will be honest with me and who will let me be honest with them…”

“Okay. But why a broken down slut like me and a rookie like Josh? Tell me that…”

“Why. I don’t know exactly. I guess a lot of it is because of the way I have seen you two act together. I mean the way you seem to talk to each other that I have always read about, but never thought could exist. I suppose because, maybe, I can bask in some of that glow that just seems to envelop the two of you when you are together, being in love…”

“How do you… I don’t get it Gordon… you never acted like this. Why the change? It can’t be because of watching us make out or how

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we look at each other?”

“Yes Billy… that is why… because watching you two and seeing the way Josh acted last night, how you tried to make your pain less in front of him. It all brought it home to me… how I have missed out on what I really want.”

“What’s that?”

“Love. To be around because I am actually wanted, not because I am just the old guy paying the bills. I think with you two, I can get some of that. I think you two will help me be what I always wanted to be… a good friend. Is that too much to ask?”

“No… no… I guess not Gordon… but how? I mean anyway you slice it… I am who I am… and how…”

“Look Billy, I am not the answer man. What I am is someone who is learning as he goes along. But if you really don’t want to do what you do anymore, if you really want to have that life everyone else seems to have. And to have it with Josh here, then maybe together we can find our way to getting that.”

“I am not sure. I don’t know what else there is for me? I mean, how can I support Josh and myself if I don’t turn tricks? If our deal is dead, I have to find a place to live, and all of that isn’t cheap, least not in this place.”

“Who said anything about leaving?”

“Well, okay no one did, but how the fuck am I supposed to stay here and earn our keep, if the deal is dead… I don’t get it.”

“Yes. I can see your consternation, but William, a friend doesn’t charge his friends for his hospitality, nor does he toss them out the door when they need his help.”

“Sure, so I have been told, but get real, just how long are you going to put up with us staying here and you footing the bills.”

“Well, for starter’s Billy, you will be helping in that field… no, not with any special trips to the bedroom; and before you start, not for Josh either. But Manuel is getting rather old… and you two seem to handle the party pretty good, why not more of that? Why can’t you help out around the place, be sort of assistants to Manuel, least to start with. Then maybe we can find you a regular job… I don’t know Billy, shit I am winging this too.”

“Are you serious Gordon? I mean you really want us to stay here? No bedroom?”

“Yes William… if you want to that is… and if maybe Josh will forgive me?”

“Forgive you? Fuck, I’ll kiss you… are you really going to do this for Billy and me?”

“Hehe, yes Josh… I really am… if you’ll both let me that is… don’t get me wrong, we will have to work out some rules and stuff. But I do

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want to do this. What do you say William? Think you can learn a new trade and stay off your knees except for Josh here?”

“Oh, now he’s a funny man… fuck yes I can, but Gordon… do you really realize what you are asking?”

“Yes, I think I do, hell Billy, this is all strange to me too, all I do know for sure is I don’t want to have to see that pain in your eyes ever again or that anger in Josh’s eyes. I don’t know… but last night after I had made up my mind about this… well, I had the best sleep in over 40 years. That in itself makes it all worthwhile.”

“Who’d you have hidden in the bedroom? Mike or Justin?”

“Haha… now who’s the funny man. So. Is it a deal fellows?”

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Tags: Rent Boy