Rent Boy - Chapter 12

Chapter 12

What the mind of man can conceive and believe,

The mind of man can achieve.

Napoleon Hill

Gordon was tossing and turning. His mind was refusing to let him sleep; he kept hearing his name and his heart was starting to ache. He could feel himself sweating as he tried to remain lost in sleep. Suddenly an image all draped in red appeared in his sleep-shrouded brain and he woke up screaming.

He couldn’t believe it, his heart had to be going a thousand beats per second, and his pulse was racing as he tried to calm himself. He looked around and found that Josh had left.

He was a bit saddened by that; for a moment he had thought that maybe, just maybe, Josh was finally turning the corner on his grief. He felt unsettled though, as he thought of the pale young man, the one who had crawled into his bed, what, only a few hours ago, judging by the clock radio.

Gordon felt chilled, yet there was a warm breeze blowing in off the bay. He could see the drapes flowing gently in the summer breeze, yet he felt cold, as if something was wrong.

He lay there, going over everything of this past week, of how Josh had barely eaten, had barely even spoke despite his best attempts. He even ignored Manuel’s chatter, which was unusual for Josh. Yet today had been different, he had almost seemed happy, well, no that wasn’t the word, maybe more at peace would best describe it.

He had eaten well, too, almost like his old young self and that was certainly a step in the right direction, wasn’t it? So why was he feeling like something was terribly wrong? Why did he have this icy cold fear gripping at his heart now?

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Gordon got up from his bed and walked over to the window, to glance out. He saw the stars but something seemed wrong, they didn’t glitter for him, instead they seemed shrouded in a grey mist, yet the bay was clear, no fog was coming in.

He glanced back up to see the moon, and even that was misted over. As he stared towards the heavens, his heart felt heavier, like an impending doom was about to happen. Damn, he couldn’t handle any more bad news, not now, not when he had so much to do, so much to take care of.

The chill was penetrating his bones. He could feel it deep inside of them; even his penis was shrivelled up deep within his body, something that rarely happened to him. He stood there and shivered and reached out to his night chair, to grab his robe and wrap himself up in it. He huddled within the warm fibres, yet he still could feel his body trembling with cold.

Gordon looked around the room, feeling out of place, as if he wasn’t supposed to be here. The unease grew in the pit of his stomach as he walked around his room, trying to warm up and also trying to find the source of his discomfort.

Finally he found himself out in the hallway of the upper level. He had on his slippers and socks plus a pair of jeans, in an effort to warm him. The hallway was dark, only small shadows danced along the walls from the tiny night lights that dotted the lower portion of the walls. Yet, as he stared down the long empty passage, he felt the chill grow inside of him.

Clutching the robe tightly around him, he walked softly down the hall, towards the guest rooms. He wondered why the house was so cold, so empty feeling. The small lights looked dim in the dark of night, yet he never remembered them that way before. As he passed by the stairway he felt an urge to merely run down the stairs and leave.

He had never felt so alone before; nothing had ever made him feel this lonely, this desirous of hearing another’s voice. Stopping at the head of the stairs, he battled the sudden urge to leave his home. Now he knew something was wrong, nothing could ever make him want to leave and yet here was this insane desire to run.

Somehow he summoned up his strength and proceeded down the hallway towards their room. He could barely see down the passageway but he knew he had to continue. It was like a magnet pulling at him, he just had to go there now that he had discarded the idea of running.

Coming from the other end he saw a candlelight flickering and he knew that Manuel was making his nightly sojourn. He glanced at his Rolex and saw that tonight Manuel was earlier than usual. Maybe the sudden chill in the house spooked him, too. Gordon waited by the doorway to their room, waiting for Manuel to reach him.

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“The house, it is in pain Master Gordon, do you feel it?”

“In pain, the house? What are you talking about Manuel, it is cold but… maybe the heating system is on the fritz.”

“No Sir, it is the house, it cries, please Sir, is Master Josh okay? I have never felt the house like this before.”

Gordon stared into the weathered old face of his faithful servant. For many years they had been together, and always Manuel had been like a rock. He could see the fear in his eyes; hell he could taste it himself.

The mention of Josh’s name made him cringe suddenly, even as he stared deep into Manuel’s eyes, he knew that he spoke the truth. The house was indeed crying out to them. He glanced to the door, a pale golden glow seemed to be coming right through the two solid wooden doors and turned to face Manuel, to see if he too saw the golden glow. Instead all he saw was Manuel waiting his orders. There was no sign that he had seen the sudden burst of gold come through the doors. Gordon turned back to the doorway, feeling a sense of warmth enter his body. He could hear voices, and he could feel pain and terror too.

Whateverlay behind that door was not something he wished to see, yet he reached out with his one hand to grab the door handle. As it touched the metal, he felt a burning heat scorch his hand, causing him to yelp in pain and rear back in astonishment.

“What is it Master Gordon?” Manuel asked.

Gordon turned to his faithful servant, and in a shaking voice he issued his instructions.

“Call 911 Manuel, get an ambulance here immediately then bring me some towels… hurry.”

With those words barely from his lips Gordon pushed open the door to enter the room. Inside he saw the body of Josh lying prone on the bed, a dark patch spreading around the waist and an eerie glow filled his eyes. There were shadowy shapes floating across the room, asif they were waiting for him.

With his heart in his throat, he approached the bed, fearful of what he knew he was going to see. He carefully approached the bed to see the darkening pool turn red before his eyes. Even in the darkness of the night he knew it was Josh’s blood.

His heart stopped, his hand clutched at his chest willing it to beat once more, not to fail him now. Suddenly all of his years of fear and loneliness seemed to well up inside of him, immobilizing him when action was most needed. But then, that was the story of his life; he always failed when it was time to be counted.

He started to shake from his fear, the vision of Josh laying there, his life blood slowly draining from his young body stunned him, made him cower within his own frame. Gordon was powerless to help, the

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fear of his entire life, that controlling fear had gripped him once again.

“Oh God, help me,” he cried out into the darkness, sobbing now as he struggled to regain his composure; but instead, he staggered backwards, hitting his backside against the bureau. He felt the solid wood against his spine, causing him some pain but nothing like what was tearing at his soul this very second.

Tears clouded his eyes and his hands covered them, trying to hide the sight before him. His whole body quivered from his fear and once more he felt himself sliding down. He could feel the brass knobs of the bureau rub against his back as his legs started to give out from under him and his massive bulk started to succumb to nature’s gravity.

Just as he was about to fall beyond the point of no return a soft golden light filled the room. He stopped his motion, finding alast ounce of strength to support his weight. His hands dropped to his side and he watched in awe as the room gradually filled with a strange golden cloud or mist.

He could see it waft around the bed covering it in its pale yellow and then start to move outwards, to fill the entire bedroom with its willowy golden pallor. Frightened, he backed up, his legs finding more strength to raise his girth to stand up hard against the dresser bureau.

The golden mist grew, coming closer to him like a spider’s web, it floated across the room, sweeping aside the darkness and the gloom that had filled the chamber. It reached out, and gradually he could feel it wrap its tendrils around his own shivering body.

The chill in his bones seemed to be suddenly cleansed from him. He no longer felt like he was in the Arctic circle, and his body seemed to gain strength. He looked outwards; letting the pale yellow mist cover him and suddenly he heard a soft voice echo in his ears.

“Cast aside your fear and have trust in me my son.”

The words were ever so soft, ever so quiet in his ears. He could barely distinguish them. They didn’t stop though, the words seemed to gain life and spread through his entire body. He could feel them, as if they were made of a solid material. He could feel them gain strength as they travelled within his body, reaching his legs, his toes, his arms, his hands, even his fingers.

Every hair on his amble body seemed to come alive as the words passed by them, making them stand tall and straight. His whole body suddenly felt alive again, a strange sound came from his lips as he found himself moving from the bureau towards the bed.

As he walked forward, the light grew brighter and his resolve grew stronger. He could feel his blood boiling inside of him, feel it course through his body like it had never done before. Each step brought him new power, new strength as the words grew in volume now, they filled his lungs with fresh sweet air, making him grow even more purposeful.

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His heart seemed to gather itself and beat strong and steady now as if it was the heart of a child.

The muscles in his body coiled anew, fresh and invigorated, ready for a marathon race that only 20 year olds could run. The words boomed now in his head, filled it with its love, its faith and he knew now that he could do this.

He was at the bed, at Josh’s side and he saw the blood still dripping out of his hands. With a surprising strength he reached across and took the pillow case off the pillow, shredding it into two. He placed one of these pieces on each upper arm of the limp body, knowing that it was in time.

Gordon then sat on the bed and gently lifted up the two young blood drenched arms, to keep them higher up and to lessen their demand on the young heart that was still beating.

“It is going to be okay Josh, I promise you, I won’t let you go, you are going to survive this, we are here with you now.”

He had no idea why he spoke, but as his words left his mouth he felt a great sense of relief in his own heart. The panic was gone; the fear of his failures no longer clouded him, his body felt fresh and alive, ready to fight the days battles.

Gordon waited as heard the far off shrill of the ambulance siren, knowing that help was seconds away now. He looked down and saw a strange smile cross the pale face. Still holding his hands high, Gordon bent down and lightly kissed the lips of the young man. He could feel the life still flowing inside and he knew that it would be okay.

Tears rolled down his face as he heard the urgent rush of feet coming up the stairs. He glanced upwards, watching the golden light slowly disappear upwards, and he mouthed a silent thank you.

As the word left his lips, a soft hand reached down from out of the golden light and brushed away his tears, and rested briefly on the side of his face. Gordon felt a strange peace enter his body, a strange calm seemed to take charge over him and for the first time in his entire life, he knew he would never be alone again. He had been found.

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The last few hours had been a mass of discussions, pleas, and down right bribes but Gordon had been a man possessed. Nothing stood before him that he couldn’t conquer and he had finally won the day.

The police would not pursue any action; they had agreed to leave it to him and his family physician. The local hospital doctors had been calmed and the restraints they had placed on Josh’s body had been removed.

His own family doctor had been quelled by his resolve and had acquiesced in Gordon’s demands. He had moved mountains in a few short hours and now here he sat, next to his ward, in a private room.

A private nurse sat further away, in her own corner, reading a book. Every now and then she would get up to adjust the tubes and check the vital signs, and each time she did she saw the old man glance at her, smile and return to stare at the young face. She didn’t know why she was even here, but for $100 an hour she didn’t question the request.

Gordon sat there, every now and then he would glance around the room, wondering if all that had happened was real, but the tubes sticking out of Josh showed him just how real it had been. He still felt like he could climb Mt. Everest, the adrenalin still pumping through his aged body as daylight broke and the day began anew.

It really was something to watch the golden orb of the sun rise up out of the deep darkness of the night, to cast its brilliance over the land as it rose majestically up from out of the night.

Doctors came and went throughout the morning, and he briefly took a nap before waking once again to regain his vigil. He knew he needed to be awake for when Josh woke up out of his sleep. The doctors had told him how lucky he had been, that he was minutes from having bled out and that only the strange action of his had saved the young boy’s life.

The nurse had changed, a new one sat in her corner, reading just like the other one. She was merely a fixture in the room and he was oblivious to her until it was her time to check. Then he was attentive, making sure that nothing untoward had occurred.

“Are you Gordon?” a voice asked from the doorway.

Gordon glanced over to see a tall young man standing in the doorway, dressed in black shirt with a starched white collar.

“Yes, you are?”

“I am Father Leery, the hospital chaplain.”

“Oh, what can I do for you Father?”

“I understand our young friend there tried to commit suicide, I am here to offer him some counselling, to help you cope with this tragedy.”

“Tragedy? You don’t understand Father, he is alive, there is no tragedy in that.”

“Well, yes, but he did try to take his own life, didn’t he?”

“True, but we are quite capable of handling that, I am sure he won’t be doing that again.”

“I see you are RC, but there is nothing listed for our friend there… is he?”

“Father, no disrespect, but his name is Josh, as I am sure you know, and what difference does it make what religious order he follows? He is still a child of God.”

“Uh, well… yes I am sure he is, one who is in need of guidance

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none the less.”

“Guidance? What is it you are trying to say Father?”

“His soul is in danger Mr. Uh? Your last name is?”

“Grayson Father, Gordon Wentworth Grayson, the second, if you want the full name.”

“Oh, of the Grayson’s from Texas? Those Grayson’s?”

“Yes, but that was a long time ago, now what is it you wish to say Father?”

“Well, yes, uh, your friend is in need of spiritual help Mr. Grayson, he has committed a mortalsin against God and only luck prevented him from joining an eternity of pain and sorrow.”

“Says you Father, personally it is by God’s hand that he is still with us, and had it not been God’s will, then he would be with him now. Sorry Father, but I do not accept your interpretation of how God works.”

“Well, that is why I am a priest Mr. Grayson, it is my duty, no my calling to show you the ways of God.”

“Father, uh Leery is it? Yes, well I am a member of the church, have been for a long time and my pastor will tend to our spiritual needs, thank you for your concern, but really we are fine.”

“Well, as you wish, it is just we have so many who come through these doors that never survive, and those who do manage to survive, do so by sheer luck and fate. I would hate to see him throw away this opportunity.”

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“Yes, well as I said Father, he was not brought back to us by luck, you may call it that; I prefer to call it by God’s will, and again, thank you for your concern, but really you can’t help us.”

“Well, I am required by law to meet with all patients who have attempted suicide, it is part of my job I am afraid.”

“Yes? Well Father you won’t be meeting with Josh.”

“I am afraid Mr. Grayson you don’t really have a say in that, it is hospital policy and as I said, I am required to by law.”

“Well the District Attorney says you won’t, Father, and the Hospital Administrator will confirm that for you later in the day… now good day Father.”

The priest left the room, obviously distraught but none the less, Gordon had once again protected his charge. No one was going to try and foist some out dated concept on his ward. Not even the blasted Pope if it came down to that.

The day dragged on for Gordon, and he could see colour returning to Josh’s face as his body was slowly replenished of its blood supply. The red plastic bag continued to dangle from the above the bed, and he could see Josh starting to move more as the afternoon wore on.

“Well Gordon… Here you are.”

“Huh? Well, about time old friend, what took you so long?”

“Just as ornery as ever aren’t you?”

“No, no my old friend, not at all, thank you for coming, I am sorry, it has been a long night and day.”

“Yes, so I hear, you have been a holy terror around here, throwing your weight around like it was confetti. So, how is he?”

“Good, he is still sleeping. The doctors figure he’ll sleep most of the night through given the amount of blood he lost.”

“Yes, it is a shame, but thank God you were able to slow down the process until help arrived.”

“I only did what I was told Mike… uh, maybe we should step outside to talk.”

“Well… it is more private here, maybe the nurse could excuse us?”

“Yes, yes, Ms, would you mind, the Father and I wish to talk alone.”

“Certainly Sir.”

The nurse left quickly, not sure what the hell was going on. She had heard how this fat man who hovered over the young boy had dealt with the hospital pastor, and now here was another of them in the room, but this one seemed to be a friend. Well, not for her to question anyway, and she wasn’t due to check anything for another hour, so she left and headed off to get a coffee.

“You know how I have always been no good in a crisis Mike?”

“Well now I wouldn’t say that exactly…”

“Don’t flatter me Mike, you know I fall apart each time that there is a major crisis…”

“Well, okay, yes to a point, but you handled yourself fine when that young man got shot, and now with this young man…”

“No, I didn’t handle myself well, I fell apart as usual, ever since I found my Mother dead in her room, I have never been able to cope, you know that Mike.”

“Yes, okay fine, but what does that have to do with anything now? You performed beyond measure with this young man.”

“Do you believe in divine intervention Mike?”

“What kind of priest would I be if I didn’t Gordon, but surely… now come on Gordon.”

“I swear Mike… it is the truth I merely did what I was told.”

“Told? Who told you? Who else was in the room with you Gordon? Manuel?”

“God… least that is who I think it was.”

“Well now Gordon, I am sure God was with you, he always is with us, but come on now…”

“No Mike, not like that… Mike I swear, I didn’t know what to do, hell I didn’t even know there was anything wrong and yet I sent Manuel

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to call 911 before I even opened the door to the room.”

“Okay, so you had a premonition of danger, you acted well, why are you so bothered by this?”

“Don’t you see? He was there Mike, I can’t explain it, other than that there was this light, sort of, sort of not, it was the most eerie feeling I have ever had, yet instead of panicking, I felt calm, I felt at ease, and I just knew what to do, like there was this voice in my head telling me, guiding me onwards… and Mike…”

“Yes?”

“Mike, I am not afraid anymore, I know that I have hidden from my life, from everything, but no more. The light, I just can’t explain this.”

“This light? Are you sure it simply wasn’t a light reflection from one of the lamps in the room?”

“No Mike, it was no reflection. It confused me Mike, scared me at first, but it reached out, it held me. Mike am I losing my mind?”

“Hmm, no Gordon, I think though that stress has a way of inducing some of these visions, I just don’t know. It is something the Church has tried to explain but rarely is there a satisfactory answer.”

“In other words you have no answers either.”

“True, did you expect any?”

“No, no I guess I didn’t. There is another matter though Mike, one I need your help on, but first, well first I need to know where you stand on attempted suicide?”

“Stand? I am opposed to the taking of a life, no matter the method, but that isn’t what you mean is it?”

“No, as a spiritual counsellor, how would you approach the subject?”

“Is this about our young friend there?”

“Yes, there is a bureaucratic regulation that requires some form of counselling.”

“And the hospital pastor isn’t to your liking?”

“HELL NO, HE AS Much, sorry, no he isn’t right, he’s too wrapped in the word of the church, least… well…”

“Well, you certainly are full of surprises tonight my friend, how do I answer you? I really don’t know… maybe the way is to say that the Church frowns on suicide, now don’t get on your high horse, hear me out.”

“Okay.”

“Good, as I was saying the Church frowns on suicide per se, personally I feel that there is a great deal of room in scriptures for a priest to work. I think that suicide is a tortured soul crying out for help, to the last person who can possibly help, and that is the Lord.

“I don’t know, I have no idea why a person would want to commit

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such a horrible deed, unless they were indeed tortured beyond toleration. I think that they have sought other solutions; I mean most suicides are not a spur of the moment thing, it is built up to in stages, least that is how I see it.

“What happens is sometimes the signs are just too normal, too routine for us to recognize, and so the person feels unaided, alone, and desperate and they seek an end to their pain on this earth.

“That said I couldn’t believe in a God who would turn his back on any of his children, no matter their crime on this earth or of their sins against him. I don’t follow that a person is condemned to an eternal wondering in space for taking their own life, I just can’t imagine any God of Love being that cruel to his children.

“Does that help you Gordon?”

Gordon sat there, his hands up to his face as he thought it all over. He was certain that something had happened to him, how did he know to have Manuel call 911? How did he know that Josh was even in trouble, never mind how to slow down his possible demise?

“Yes, I think in some ways it does.”

“So, you want me to handle the counselling?”

“Yes, if you will Mike, I would appreciate it.”

“And what about you my friend? Can I come and talk with you too?”

“Me? Why me?”

“Oh but you are as much a victim in this as that poor young man, maybe talking can help?”

“Help? Help what Mike? Help to understand how God can take one and save another? No, I am not angry, but I don’t like it, but I also have no choice but to trust in him, so, help Mike? No, but yes I would like to talk more with you.”

Father Mike looked at his friend with his head cocked to one side. There was a change in the man, something he hadn’t noticed before. Gordon had always been bluster and bluff, but when things came down to a crisis, he was nothing more than a whining child unsure of himself. Yet now, now he seemed to suddenly have changed. There was self-assurance, something he hadn’t ever seen in his friend before.

Whatever happened in that room had definitely changed his friend and for the better it seemed. He was pleased by the change too, because he knew deep down that Gordon was really a very nice man. There was no doubt God moved in mysterious ways.

“Well my friend, I should leave, have you had any rest yet? Would you like me to stay a bit while you get some rest?”

“Rest? No, no I haven’t really, I… I don’t know, I should stay here Mike, he needs to see me when he wakes up.”

“Well, making yourself sick isn’t going to help him much, now is

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it old friend? And besides the doctor’s say he will be sleeping for several more hours, so come on, why don’t you go out into the lounge and stretch out?”

“I know you are here Gordon,” a small frail voice echoed from the far end of the room. Both the Priest and Gordon turned to see a wide awake Josh in the bed, staring at them.

Gordon rushed to his side, and picked up his hand, holding it close to his face, kissing it and bubbling with pure joy.

“OH Josh, I am so sorry.”

“Gordon… No, I am the one… Oh Gordon, I don’t know how to… I mean am I nuts?”

“No, no my boy you aren’t nuts, you have had a bad time but now everything is going to be alright.”

“Yes, I know it is… Gordon, he really does love me, you know?”

“He? Who Josh?”

“Billy, he really does love me. I never realized it before he made me come back, but now I know.”

“Billy made you come back? Josh are you delirious? What are you saying?”

“It was him, I know it sounds crazy Gordon, maybe I am Looney, but they both made me come back, I was such a fool, I…”

“Both?”

“Yes, there was this strange voice, it had a ring of steel to it, yet it felt so soft when it wrapped around me, and he had such gentle hands, they were like… I can’t explain it.”

“Hush, you are tired, you lost a great deal of blood Josh.”

“I know, but you saved me Gordon, just like he said you would.”

“He?”

“The voice, he told me to hang on, to cling to my love and wait for you, he was right, he really was.”

Gordon turned to look at his old friend, Father Mike, and saw tears rolling down his face. He really didn’t understand why until he turned back to Josh, and saw him smiling. There was a strange sense of peace around him, a strange glow that seemed to come from within. A soft golden hue was reflected on the pillow and both Gordon and the Priest turned to the window to see if it was the sun, both knowing it wasn’t.