Rent Boy - Chapter 13 (conclussion)

September 14, 2007 · Filed Under Rent Boy

Table of contents for Ren Boy

Chapter 13

Josh sat there, swirling the amber liquid around in the glass. It never changed, did it? No matter what he could still feel the ache in his heart, the emptiness whenever he thought about Billy, even now so many yearslater, so much water under the bridge, and yet he could close his eyes and there he would stand, the dark hair flowing across his forehead, the eyes penetrating deep into his soul; and yet when he opened his eyes, there was nothing there, just the hint of what could have been.

The touch of Darren’s hand on his shoulder made him look up, the image of Billy smiling slowly dissipating in the light of the room. A wan smile crossed his face as he stared up, wondering what would come next.

“You really loved him a lot, now I understand.”

“Understand? What is it you understand Darren?”

“Oh, lots of things I guess, like why you always back off when things get really emotional between us, for instance.”

“Back off ? Come on Darren, that isn’t true.”

“Oh come on Josh, you know it is… I mean how many times have I asked you to go away for a weekend and you always find an excuse, or how many times have I told you I want to be with you forever and you tell me I need a shrink, if that isn’t backing off I don’t know what is.”

Josh sat there looking up, staring into Darren’s eyes, and seeing the clouds roll over the normally sparkling eyes. He could see the pain there, the sharp anguish that was not just evident in Darren’s voice, but was deep in his heart. Funny, he never really looked into his eyes before, never really delved there like he used to do for hours with Billy.

He shuddered a little as the words found their way inside of him. For a brief second he could feel the words and he knew that in some ways they were true, but damn it, couldn’t Darren understand that it wasn’t his fault? Couldn’t he see that you never really ever find that

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perfect love, but if you are lucky you only find it once in a lifetime?

“He’s gone Josh, you aren’t, least not physically, look I never knew your Billy, from what Gordon told me he was something special, but he is gone and you have to let yourself want to go forward.”

“Darren that isn’t fair… yes he’s gone, but not really gone, he’s still a big part of me, can’t you see that?”

“All I see is that I am competing with a ghost, and that isn’t fair to me or to you.”

Josh looked away, he could see the pain only growing inside of Darren and for some reason, it made him feel angry. Couldn’t Darren just accept who he was, what he was, and let it go at that? Why did he insist on wanting to know everything, to have all of him? How could he even give all of himself to Darren, wasn’t there a big hole in his soul? How do you give what you don’t have?

Josh swirled the cognac around and then brought the glass up to his lips. He tossed his head back and swallowed it all in one gulp. With his head high, he rose up and handed the ring to Darren.

“I can’t give you what I don’t have Darren, I wish I could, maybe another time, I’ll call you.”

With those softly spoken words, Josh grabbed his coat and walked out of the apartment. He closed the door softly, and he leaned against the wall, breathing deeply in an attempt to quell his shaking heart. The tears flowed down from his cheeks and he cried within, desperate to feel Billy’s touch, to hear his voice, to experience just once more his tender embrace.

He shook his head and headed towards the elevator, hearing a glass smashing somewhere inside of Darren’s apartment. His hand pushed the button and he waited, knowing that he had hurt Darren, but he had no choice, there just really wasn’t anyway he could give Darren what he deserved.

The glass had smashed against the wall, narrowly missing the large oil painting of Josh. It was something he had cherished and now as he stared at it, he felt anger and disgust and sorrow.

“Damn you,” he yelled at the moody face that stared out at him. “Damn you and Damn your Billy, damn, damn” he mumbled over and over again. The tears were like a torrential downpour, as he sat in his couch, alone and feeling empty. He loved Josh so much, why couldn’t he see that? Why did he have to insist on hanging on to something that was gone, long dead and buried?

Glancing up at the portrait, he knew that there was no answer. He could see that all his dreams and hopes for a life with Josh had simply walked out the door. He didn’t even look back, he just handed him the ring back and left, nothing else, no hysterics, no tears, nothing. Just his back as he walked out the door.

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Darren picked up the bottle by his feet, still a third full and with one giant swallow, he drained the fine alcohol. He sputtered several times as he drank deeply of the intoxicating liquid, anxious to forget all that he had heard, all that had happened here, but his mind refused his wishes.

Instead he saw images of his Josh naked, playing in a pool with some dark shaped figure, a laugh always there instead of the serious face that he had fallen in love with. His head seemed to be drawn once more to the portrait, and he stared at the troubled powder blue eyes that the artist had captured so perfectly. They looked so empty and yet so mysterious too.

Well he had the answers didn’t he? What good did that do him? Fuck it, he thought, and headed for his bedroom and for a night of restless sleep. His anger was short lived; instead a deep sense of loss filled his heart as he undressed to crawl into bed. He could still see the eyes even as he closed his own.

Strange, he thought, the way the shadows moved around him, and yet all he wanted was to sleep, to try and forget all that had gone on. Darren tossed and turned, feeling hot one second, then a strange chill would come over him and he would reach for the blanket to cover himself with. It was an unnerving night and finally he managed to doze off, to let the sleep finally overtake him, or so he thought.

Darren almost flew out of the bed as he heard Josh’s voice ringing in his ears. He rubbed his sleep-swollen eyes and there he was, standing there, a playful look on his face, and his eyes, oh man his eyes looked so blue and full of life.

He reached out with one hand but couldn’t quite reach and he saw the image shimmering, as if about to dissipate, and he cried out, begging the vision to stay and join him.

The shape was almost gone, just an outline in the dark when his voice cried out, and the figure of Josh stopped, the beautiful face turned towards him, the smile wide and the teeth perfectly white gleamed at him as the words bounced around his empty room.

Quickly his heart started to beat faster and he sat up in the bed, bringing his legs up and he leaned forward, both of his hands outstretched now towards the turned figure of Josh.

“Oh Please, please Josh,” he cried out and he shut his eyes briefly, willing the figure to come closer. As he opened them, he saw the figure laughing and then he saw a darker shape next to Josh’s full body figure. It was cast in shadows and he saw the way that Josh’s whole body was leaning towards it.

He didn’t need a brick to fall on him, he knew that the shadowy figure was Billy, and he saw the way Josh looked so alive, so full of energy and of love. He could see a blue shimmering glow that seemed

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to be striving to reach out and encompass both him and the shadowy figure.

Darren took a deep breath, willing his beating heart to slow down as he watched. Billy, for he was sure that was who the figure was, seemed to hold Josh’s attention like he had never seen before. There was no doubt that Josh had been captivated and for some strange reason, he didn’t seem to mind it now. He seemed instead to look closely, to watch the way the shadowy figure just moved, or glided this way to keep the focus.

It was a strange sight, he could see a dark lock of hair across the forehead, the way the head tilted back to toss that lock out of sight but never succeeding. He saw a strange glow too, a sort of bond that stretched from the dark figure’s chest towards Josh’s own rib cage.

The image of Josh started to grow closer to the dark one, as if it was merging into just one single shadow figure and he caught himself crying as the two shapes grew closer.

Suddenly the dark shape stopped, its head now angled away from Josh and it was as if it was seeking him out. It was an eerie feeling, seeing the shape’s upper body twist around and look. It had almost become one with Josh’s young image when the darker recess of the head seemed to glance at him. Darren felt a chill run up and down his spine as the dark orbs held onto his eyes.

He shivered even though he had the blanket wrapped up to his neck. His hands trembled under the soft linen of his comforter and his heart started to pound irregularly.

The dark shape grew stronger in definition, the face became more defined as he saw the firm jaw jutting out, the forehead with dark lines across it, and the hair cut to the shoulder. Where the eyes should have been were, instead, a dark piercing emptiness. His own eyes couldn’t stop staring at the darkness and the chill grew inside of him. He wanted to scream and wake up from this nightmare but no sounds would come from his throat. It was almost as if he was frozen in time, and he shuddered even more as the thought hit him.

He felt the darkness surround his body, and he felt a strange almost cold enter his heart and then move outwards through his whole body. The dark shadow was now right in front of him, as if it had joined him on the bed. The dark orbs were impenetrable and yet his own eyes still stared into the nothingness.

He felt like he was being swallowed up by the darkness of those eyes. The cold penetrated every fibre of his being and yet, while his mind was racing in a blind panic, his heart seemed to start to slow down. The panic that had made it race seemed to simply vanish as he felt the darkness surround him and cover him with its blankness.

Darren trembled as he watched the curtains sway to the morning’s

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breeze. His body was soaked in a cold sweat and he trembled from it all. He glanced around the room, seeing everything and yet feeling like he was just arriving here.

His hand quivered as he picked up his phone and dialled the number. He waited for the other party to pick up, knowing that this was all insane and yet also knowing he had no choice. He had to do this.

The cranky voice on the other end finally relented and gave him the information he had demanded. He wrote it down quickly on the back of a magazine and then hung up the phone. Without any other thought he tossed the blankets off and headed for the shower where he turned on the hot water full, desperate to erase the bone chilling cold that had permeated his entire body. It helped, but not much and he dressed quickly.

Grabbing the piece of paper Darren headed out of the door and, almost in a run, left his apartment as the sun poked its head up over the horizon. There was no stopping him as he hurried to the one place where he knew he was going to get his answers.

Josh felt like he had been through a war. His whole body ached from the strain of the night and the morning. Instead of sleeping he had spent the time sitting in his own apartment, staring at the two photo’s in a shiny silver frame.

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He could see Billy’s eyes, the way the dark orbs seemed to sparkle, and then he would glance to the other picture, the one of Darren, and his heart seemed to skip a beat. He had such nice eyes too, dark one’s but they seemed to be so full of life, while Billy’s seemed to hold more secrets than anything else.

Josh didn’t know how long he had spent staring at the two men who had meant so much to him. One was dead, long buried out in the cemetery by the hill, while the other might as well be too, because he just couldn’t let him in, no matter how much he wished he could. The tears came and went through the early morning hours and despite all the booze he had drunk, he could still feel the pain inside of his chest.

As the sun poked its head up, he left his place and walked. He had no direction, he just walked, through the streets that were deserted but now gradually wakening up. People started to appear everywhere and he sat on a bench, watching as they bustled to and fro. He saw all types as they went on with their lives and he sighed deeply.

Why couldn’t he just accept Darren? Why did he have to always be comparing him to Billy? No one could equal Billy, and despite his best efforts, he couldn’t ever forget what he and Billy once had. The pain grew inside him once more, as it always did when he came to this point in a relationship. The trouble was, this time it didn’t really seem so bad, he hurt more when he had left Darren’s place than he did now.

He had tried, honestly he had. In college he had chased a few and been rewarded with some good companionships, but nothing that could come close to what he and Billy had shared for such a short time. There was always something that would interrupt his moving forward, either the person would simply not understand about his past or would not accept that there was a big part of him missing, that could never be replaced.

Always, after those times, he would reflect and would gain some comfort with Billy’s locket held tightly in his hand. It was there now, and he opened it up to see the smiling face, see the twinkle in the eyes and his heart would normally soar with the vision, but not this time. This time he just felt sadder, more lonely than he ever had before.

As the morning rolled along, he found himself slowly coming towards the one place he always found solitude. He saw the wrought iron gates ahead and his heart soared briefly, but only briefly. The small corner store was empty as he purchased the small bouquet of purple and white lilacs. They were Billy’s favorite and he clutched them as he walked up past the cemetery gates, heading past the huge trees that lined the roadway.

Normally his heart would start to lighten by now. Instead it just seemed to grow heavier as he walked silently along the well shaded roadway towards that special spot where he could once again sit and talk with the only one he had ever loved.

Josh turned the corner, and there stood the solid redwood oak, tall and majestic on the hill, small statues dotted the grass that was a lush deep green and marked the various residents of the hilltop. He had no idea how Gordon had managed it, but he had gotten a spot just near enough to the tree that its tall branches always covered Billy’s final resting spot.

A simple white marble headstone adorned the tiny plot, and there were always fresh flowers there. Gordon regularly visited here, and he always brought unique flowers for Billy. As he glanced up he saw a figure squatting where Billy’s headstone was. For a second he thought it had to be either Gordon or Manuel but the shape was all wrong for it to be either of them. For a brief second, the sorrow in his heart was replaced by his curiosity and he trudged up the slope to find out just who it was.

As the sound of his approach grew, the squatting figure suddenly turned and saw him, and stood up and waited for him to come closer. Josh’s eyes bulged wide as he recognized Darren’s figure. He stopped as the recognition dawned on him, and for a brief instant he wanted to turn and run down the hill and out of the cemetery, but something held

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him in place, some invisible force kept his feet from moving or turning until the sudden panic eased. Only then did feeling and control return to his feet and he walked slowly forward to greet Darren.

Darren watched as Josh approached. He saw the pain his eyes and he could feel it in his heart. Suddenly it all made sense to him and as Josh came level to him he turned to stare down at the simple white headstone.

“William Jonathan Braxton, I never would of guessed it was him.”

“What? You knew Billy?”

“Knew him? No, I don’t think anyone ever really knew Billy, only what he wanted you to know, even way back then.”

“Back then?”

“Did you know he has her eyes? I never figured it out, but it came to me last night, it was her eyes and now I know where he is.”

“Darren…”

“Did you know, she was an amazing women Josh, you would of liked her. I think she would of liked you too, she had good taste and she was a pretty good judge of character.”

“Uh, Darren…”

“No, no Josh, you had your say last night, but it isn’t over you know? It really isn’t.”

“Darren come on man, look there just isn’t an easy way, and surely after all that I said, you have to see…”

“Oh but it is you who doesn’t see, and until early this morning, neither did I. I am a bit slow sometimes, but I know what I want, and I know who I love, so no Josh, it is far from over, it is just beginning and you know why it is just beginning?”

“No, I don’t, why?”

“Because of Billy there… he won’t let it end, not your way anyhow.”

“But…”

“No, he won’t, you ask him, he’ll tell you Josh. He’ll tell you how much he wants this, and if you loved him half as much as I do, then you’ll listen to him now.”

Darren bent down to his knees and rested one hand on the grass, just ahead of the headstone. Tears rolled down his cheeks as he knelt, and his hand trembled as he spoke haltingly to the ground.

“I missed you so much, so much,” he softly whispered.

Darren got up, the tears still flowing and he turned away and walked back down the road. His shoulders were hunched and his head hung down as he walked away from the gravesite.

Josh stared at the figure of his friend, not sure what was going on. He heard the words and saw the deep pain that Darren had and as he walked away his own heart ached for him. His mind wished him to

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follow but he stared down at the gravesite, wanting to know more, afraid to find it out.

Josh found his face turning towards the disappearing back of Darren then suddenly it was drawn down to his hand, where Billy’s locket lay, open somehow, and he saw into the eyes. His heart stopped as his whole body shook to a tremendous surge of energy.

The heaviness in him suddenly vanished and his soul no longer ached or felt only a part of itself. He nodded to the locket and turned quickly to run after Darren.

“Darren, DARREN WAIT, PLEASE WAIT,” he yelled as he ran down the hill, catching up to Darren at the foot.

“Please, don’t leave, not now, we have so much more to talk about.”

“I can’t Josh, I…”

“Yes, yes you can Darren, and Darren… you were right, he won’t let it end this way, please, please let us go back and talk, please?”

Josh hadn’t used that voice in many years. It was almost like being back in time when things were good, when Billy was alive and next to him. Well, in a way he was, and he knew now what he had been afraid of, but now he was being given a second chance.

Darren gave in, he couldn’t refuse Josh, and he knew he never could refuse him anything. Slowly they walked back up the small hill, to sit down together under the tree, their feet stretched out towards Billy’s grave.

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For the longest time they just sat there, neither of them talking as if they just wanted to be there, together, sharing everything, yet saying nothing.

“Does Gordon know Darren?”

“Gordon? No, no I don’t think he does, hell I didn’t know until early this morning.”

“But how?”

“It’s the eye’s Josh, those eyes. I could see her in them, always see her in them, but last night, well last night I saw him instead, then it hit me, and I had to come here to find out.”

“I don’t get it Darren, find out what? How do you know Billy?”

“He’s my brother Josh, my older brother.”

Josh couldn’t believe it. This was not real, not possible. He searched his memory and yet he couldn’t recall Billy saying much about his earlier life. He knew he had lived on a farm, that his family had somehow turned on him; but, wait, no that wasn’t right, it wasn’t how he put it, damn, how was it he worded it?

They were safer without him, that’s it, that’s how he put it. How, it didn’t make sense then and now it certainly made even less sense. He looked at Darren and saw the way his hair sat on his forehead, that tiny lock of hair, shorter than Billy’s but it curled the same way and if it was longer it too would fall across his eye, just as Billy’s used to.

Damn, why had he never seen it before, the eyes were the same brooding dark, yet they could burst into a dazzling display of sparkles and fireworks that could overwhelm a person, just as Billy’s did. Even his smile, when it broke out was like a thunderous event in his heart, just like when Billy would smile at him. Damn, he had been so blind, why hadn’t he seen the similarities.

It all came rushing to him as he sat there, staring down at Billy’s grave. That was why he was so damn scared of committing to Darren, because he reminded him too much of Billy. The few arguments they had simply made him think more of Billy; or the love making, the way Darren would always try to please him in different ways, it had always reminded him of Billy. That was the big reason why he couldn’t commit, Darren had reminded him too much of Billy.

“What happened Darren?”

“Happened? Oh, I never really knew until awhile back what had happened. All I knew for my younger years was that Billy and my step dad had a big argument and he had left.

“It wasn’t until oh, maybe when I was 17 or so that I found out the details. Billy never liked our step dad, and he blamed Mom for that too, it damn near broke her heart when he left. Yet I think secretly, she was kind of proud of him for doing that. They used to be so inseparable, it made me jealous at times and he knew that, yet he never ever rubbed it in either.

“I miss him so much Josh, I think I can understand now why you were so afraid of us.”

“It wasn’t that Darren, it never was… it was, well, just…”

“Just that you didn’t want to get that close to anyone again, afraid they’d leave you like he did, but he really never left you Josh, maybe that’s the problem.”

“Maybe, I don’t think so. I think it is just that he was such a big part of me, and when he was taken away, well, so was a big part of me taken… I think that is why I never got close to anyone.”

“Is it? No, somehow I think that’s just an excuse you have been hanging onto Josh.”

“Darren, that isn’t fair.”

“Isn’t it? Maybe, or maybe it’s just that I know how you feel.”

“I… Darren I just don’t see…”

“When he left, I hated him, did you know that?”

“No.”

“Yeah, I blamed him for everything, for all the shit in my life, for everything that went wrong it was cause Billy had left.”

“That isn’t fair, how could you…”

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“Same way I guess you can’t feel like you can ever love anyone as much as you loved him… isn’t it?”

“That’s not the same thing.”

“Isn’t it? Tell me, you ever talk to him about the past?”

“No… no, we never had a chance to really do that, I wished we had.”

“I wish you had too, maybe then it wouldn’t have taken me so long to get my own answers.”

“But… Darren I don’t see how any of this really changes things between us… I mean okay, you…”

“Changes things? Maybe it doesn’t, but then again maybe it doesn’t have to Josh, maybe it can make sense of it all instead.”

“Sense? I don’t…”

“Josh I can’t compete with a ghost, even if it is my brother’s ghost, but at least maybe you can let him go, maybe it is something that can bring us closer, let you see me for me instead of seeing him in my eyes or hear him in my voice or feel him in my touch, maybe… maybe that is what this is all about?”

“I suppose, I guess if you are right. Shit, I don’t know Darren, he is so much a part of my life… so much of who I am is because of what we shared… how is that going to change?”

“Who says it has to Josh? I am not Billy, and as much as I used to look up to him, as much as I used to love him, I know I am not him.”

“But… I guess I see what you are saying, but deep down I don’t know… I just don’t know.”

“Neither do I but maybe if you know that he was who he was, and I am who I am then maybe, maybe we can get past it, I mean Josh, I loved him, you have no idea how much his leaving hurt and how long I used to hate him for it, until I got older and understood. And now, now I know how much I needed him, but I also know he always loved me, that can’t ever change, and well, well if you want to keep his love, maybe you need to also let it go too, so you can have new love, and…”

“I can’t let it go, least I… fuck I just don’t know, all I know is that every time I got close to someone, I would wind up pulling away because it wasn’t like it was with him, and yet with you, I don’t know, you scared me because for brief moments, I would forget him, I would stop thinking of how it was… I don’t want to lose that Darren, I don’t want to forget him.”

Josh sat there, tears now rolling down his cheeks too, as he thought about Billy and how much he had meant to him. He also thought about Darren, and how there were those brief moments when they would connect, when his guard was down, and how good that felt and how he felt after, how he felt like he was betraying Billy’s love for him.

His head was lowered to his chest as his one hand held tightly the

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silver locket, the locket that always guided him as he needed it, and now it seemed to grow warm in his hand, seemed to be pulling him and he looked down towards the grave.

Josh felt his breath leaving his body, his legs started to twitch and his face became drawn and his eyes bulged outwards. Standing by the grave was Billy, or at least his image. Quickly he rubbed his eyes with his free hand to bring himself back to reality. He felt a strong hand grip his shoulder and he turned his terror stricken face to glance into Darren’s face.

It was like a mirror, he saw the white lines in the forehead, the eyes dark and frightened looking as he stared into them. The lips were tightly held together, the cracks showing and he could feel a strange chill in his bones, coming through Darren’s hand into his own body.

The locket grew heavy in his hand and he turned once more towards the grave, and the apparition was still there. He almost fainted as he saw it lift one hand up, pointing towards him and then it opened, as if beckoning to him. The hand turned and lay open, palm upwards and the eyes, those damn dark eyes now glittered and sparkled in the sunlight.

Josh was frightened, more than ever before. He had felt at times that he was losing his mind, the way he could sense or see Billy at times; but that was always alone, at night, and yet here he was, in broad daylight with Darren and there stood Billy.

He could see the eyes, the way they looked so dark and ominous and yet as his own blue eyes peered at them, he could feel the love and warmth that Billy was to him. He could feel his heart beating even though it had been stilled a long time ago by a crack head’s bullet.

The cold feeling in his shoulder suddenly grew warmer. It was like an oven had been turned on. He felt the heat travelling into his body, going from bone to bone to reach deep down into his body. His heart started to pound heavily as he stared into Billy’s eyes, while Darren’s hand gripped his shoulder.

He had to be losing his mind, that was the answer. It was all the stress from work, from facing Darren last night, and from not sleeping, that was it, or was it? His heart said no, it wasn’t, his mind begged it to be so but finally his soul settled it for both of them.

Josh lay there, stunned as he saw his own shadowy figure leave him and walk forward, the locket in its hand and he started to tremble with fear. He looked over at Darren and instead of seeing fear he felt a strange over powering sense of love. He looked into the eyes and they sparkled, just as Billy’s used to moments before he would find some way to make him moan with desire.

Josh couldn’t understand it. There was a dark figure leaving the tree, walking towards Billy’s outstretched figure and yet he was being

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drawn towards Darren, not towards Billy.

He felt his chin being lifted upwards by Darren’s finger and he found his face close to his own. He could see the tiny cracks along Darren’s mouth, the way they formed little wiggly lines and he looked up at the nose, seeing its sides breathing in and out with each breath that Darren took. The eyes fluttered as they gazed down into his own blue eyes and suddenly they connected.

The wall of pain and resistance was gone. His eyes suddenly seemed to open fully and he felt a strong rush of warmth push deep into him. He could feel his groin stirring as Darren’s eyes bore into his own freshly opened eyes.

The thought of, ‘it was like when Billy first gazed into him’ passed before him, and a small twinge in his heart seemed to threaten the hold of Darren’s eyes; but then a strange soft whispering voice echoed in his head, telling him that love was always the same, always different and that it was okay to love fully and to feel fully.

Josh closed his eyes and felt the soft touch of Darren’s lips against his own. He felt the warmth of the lips, the fullness of them against his own shivering mouth and then he felt two strong arms grab hold of his own shivering limbs and he felt the deep passion coming from Darren flow into his own body.

The trembling stopped as the hands held him tight. He could feel the heat as it travelled deep into his soul and where there had been emptiness, a missing piece, he felt a strange new power growing there. Where darkness had dwelled for so many years, he could feel light starting to shine within.

He opened his eyes to see Darren, and his thoughts no longer rested on the dark shadowy figure walking towards the grave. He reached out with his hand, to touch Darren’s face and as it did, he felt his lips open fully, to let Darren inside.

His tongue roared past the open lips, to taste and explore the mouth like it never had before. He licked the upper palette, tasting the roof of Josh’s mouth and felt his lungs gasp for air as he forced his tongue down the back of the throat.

Darren’s body started to tremble with desire as he held tightly onto Josh’s body, feeling the waves of excitement going to and fro between them both. It was unsettling to his mind and yet his heart seemed to over rule it, and force him to go further. Darren could feel his penis growing hard inside of his shorts, and he could feel a strong ache growing in his rectum as he kissed Josh deeply and fully.

His hands fumbled as they started to roam across Josh’s body. He could feel the heart beating wildly inside the chest as his one hand caressed the left nipple, he could feel its hardness even through the cotton shirt that Josh wore and yet he knew it was twitching with his

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touch. His other hand roughly pressed the groin, feeling the jerking of Josh’s hard cock underneath the denim of the jeans.

His whole body was now one massive aching blob. There was something purely animal like in his desire for the young blonde man next to him, some sort of unreasoning urge to have him then and there. He looked into the blue eyes and saw the same exact feeling and he knew that this time, there would be no turning back.

Darren moved Josh to the ground, and lay on top of him. He smothered his face with kisses, while his hands moved across the twisting body that seemed to desire nothing more than to become a part of his body.

He could feel Josh’s hands now working on his own trembling body parts and somehow he felt his jeans open and the long thin fingers were now pushing aside his shorts to wiggle their way down into his groin. Darren groaned loudly as the thin fingers pressed up against his hard throbbing cock and then pushed even further downwards to press the hard skin of his balls.

His mouth gurgled with animalistic sounds as his own hands were roaming heavily across the milky white chest of Josh. He was pinching the hard nipples with one hand, while pressing the soft fleshy side with the other hand, making it reach down towards Josh’s bony hip.

Darren felt like some strange lustful angel possessed him. He couldn’t get enough of the young lithe body that writhed underneath his own body. He ached in places he never knew could ache as his hands continued their wanton exploration of Josh’s body. It wasn’t all a one way affair either.

Josh’s own hands moved like a possessed demon the way they grabbed and pulled at the hard man muscles on top of him, the way they shoved and pulled at the firm flesh, feeling it move and give and always come back for more.

His hands knew no boundary as they reached deep inside of the jeans to fondle and caress the hot throbbing cock and dangling balls. Josh could feel his head getting dizzy and all thoughts of others, even of Billy, no longer intruded on his wild passion.

The breathing was like two wild animals in the middle of the plains, grunting and groaning as they each sought for that golden moment, that special place where they could finally unburden their own passionate desires.

Darren could feel his balls tightening up around the root of his hard throbbing penis. He knew he had only seconds before he would be unable to contain himself. He let out a loud groan and just as he did he felt a strange presence deep in his soul. He felt like someone was walking through his entire body, the pain was intense and yet very desirable. He couldn’t hold on and he could feel the blood draining

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from every outer extremity.

Josh couldn’t believe the way his body was contorting under the wanton lust that had invaded his being. He couldn’t stop himself from moaning and gurgling as he strove to touch every part of Darren. There was nothing he didn’t want to feel, he wanted it all and every part of his body strove to give him just that.

He could feel the strange heat coming from without, the way it just covered him and slowly permeated into every part of his body. The way his blood suddenly seemed to get hotter, the way his lungs contracted in a desperate struggle for air all made him only want more. He could feel an unusual pain that hurt but felt so exciting. His hands couldn’t stop their frantic pulling and prodding of Darren’s man flesh. He could feel the vein swelling with each touch of his fingers and the scent was over powering to his nostrils.

A loud cry made his whole body shake and his hand twitched as it felt the sudden force of hot cream cascading into the palm. He shook more as another hot load of Darren’s milk came flooding out to send the first wave even further up his hand and arm.

His legs bucked as he felt the warmth and the noise only made him strive to get more of the fresh hot juice. His whole body was quivering as Darren released his load and it made his heart beat even faster and more uncontrollable.

Suddenly he felt his hand pushed away and his eyes fluttered briefly as the sensation of holding the hard throbbing penis was taken away from him. It was like suddenly going blind even though his eyes were clutched tightly closed.

Just as he started to feel an overwhelming sense of panic he felt Darren’s hands pushing at his groin. He felt a strange stickiness against his cheeks and he breathed in deeply, smelling that fresh aroma of man milk and he knew that Darren had moved his body so his exposed cream covered groin was now at Josh’s head.

Just as the realization hit him, he felt a sudden warmth explode around his own groin. The heat was intense as it quickly travelled up his own quivering pole, right past his balls and up his spine towards his quivering heart. The heat overpowered him, and his already hard pumping heart merely raced ahead faster as it dawned on him that his throbbing cock was now buried deep within Darren’s mouth.

Josh could feel his balls rubbing against Darren’s unshaved face, the bristles scratching the rough surface of his scrotum and he let out a loud drawn out cry of pure joy as his pubic hairs brushed firmly against Darren’s face.

The whole feeling was too much for him. The empty space in his soul was suddenly filled with a heart wrenching fullness that threatened to overtake his entire body. His mind reeled under the sudden joy that

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filled him as his body wriggled and shook to the intense pleasure that was rolling through it.

His legs were taut, no longer under any sort of control. His toes arched down and out towards Billy’s grave and his hands were flat out at either side, thumping the soft green grass into submission. His head tossed to and fro as Darren’s mouth moved up and down on his throbbing cock, licking under the head, filling the pee slit with its roughness, then running down the underside, pushing hard against the thick swollen vein that seemed to only grow larger with each lick, with each touch of the possessed tongue.

Josh was unable to contain himself, he could feel his balls slapping the underside of his cock and his legs were now thundering their own accord as they shook hard against the unyielding ground. His eyes fluttered and he managed to open them briefly to stare down at the scene.

He saw the tanned body, the flat washboard stomach of Darren and the rippling muscles of his belly as they contracted in unison with each movement of his wonderful head. That thin face, moving up and down on his pole made his heart quake in anticipation and he could see his toes bend in a totally unnatural position as his body ached in eager anticipation.

Josh’s eyes travelled downwards where two smiling figures stood, silhouetted against the golden yellow of the day’s sun. It was surreal, as he saw his own image standing next to that of Billy. Both were smiling, gazing down at him and Darren locked in a passionate embrace of immense proportions. He could see Billy’s smile and his heart jumped ahead with it and then raced forward as his balls were tight up against his shaft, aching and throbbing to the pressure of Darren’s mouth.

He could see his own image, grinning from ear to ear as it watched him unleash his muscles, uncoiling them to thrash with wild abandon on the hill top above. His eyes started to mist over as he glanced once more at the two images and he saw them, their hands joined together and between the clenched hands, he saw it, the bright rays of the sun catching it, making it glitter and shine.

Josh could feel his body exploding outwards. His hips thrust high up in the air, forcing his hard cock further into Darren’s throat. He could feel the cock head as it jerked hard inside of that eager sucking vacuum that was Darren’s throat; and with that last glance, he saw the golden rays shining around the locket, grasped firmly in the two hands, dangling between them, forever locked in place, never to be lost, forever joining the two images into one being.

As the rays of the sun grew from around the locket, and as his own body shook to its massive release of wild passion, Josh knew that he would be safe and loved in the arms of the one who had been meant for

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him all along, he knew that in Darren, he had found what he had needed. He had found, once more, true love.

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