Show Guys
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Indie Boyz
You have to envy the video directors of some of these videos.
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(Another 11 Inch dick stud, Matt H. from Blake Mason)
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Street Dick (2)
Yep, another sexy sequel.
Runtime is approximately 103 Minutes.
The video stars: Matt Havoc, Robert Long, Tommy Evans, Austin Lane, Miguel, Dana Van, Kenny Parker, Louie Monac, Jayden Marcus, Johnny Travers, and TJ.
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Story - The Lottery (7) (end)
Table of contents for The Lottery
The Lottery
Part 7
He sat back in the kitchen chair watching Jock washing up. The man had refused to let Paul help and to be honest he was rather enjoying seeing the man standing at the sink. It gave him a strange sense of contentment to see someone else doing something so domestic. Still there was a small annoying twinge in his mind. One that kept telling him this was all an act, all a put on. It was times like this when he wished he could be like Mark Thayer and just go for the sex instead of constantly analyzing everything to the smallest detail.
In the back of his mind he knew that he was physically attracted to Jock, after all the guy was hot. It wasn’t that he was some jock or hard the hard body many associated with beauty. It was his eyes though that made Paul melt. The way they seemed to go right into his very soul each time their eyes locked was what made his heart beat quicken and his groin stiffen. Trouble was that inside his heart he felt like there was so much more to the man, something that made him feel alive in a sense he had never truly experienced before.
Sure there had been Jason and while he knew they had shared a love, this was totally different. If anything it felt like there was more that just an attraction. It felt almost as if they were one, sharing more than just interests or views. Hell he didn’t really know what views Jock held but something told him that where it counted, they were like Siamese twins. He couldn’t explain it but staring at him washing up only made him feel like he was alive, was truly a part of the world instead of just a spectator. It unnerved him too as he wondered if there could ever be anything between them.
The notion of having someone like Jock next to him was a thought that his heart approved of but his mind rejected. It kept throwing up age and money and anything else that was negative. Normally he listened but for the first time in his living memory he felt the power of his very soul reaching up to claim its right. He knew the turmoil that boiled within his being was not unique to him. Paul sensed that Jock also had similar thoughts or so his heart kept pounding out to his mind. It was at one moment extremely inviting and yet at the same time frightening.
Christ he was 61, why would someone Jock’s age even think about being with someone like him? It wasn’t just about looks or sexual drive even, so why did he feel that Jock wanted him? Was it the money like his mind kept saying or was it really something deeper than that? Did he crave the security of being with an older man or was it merely a foray into the lifestyle as a test, to see if the waters were warm enough? Did Jock merely look at him as an introduction to their secret world of living or did he genuinely care for him the way God intended?
You okay?
Huh?
You looked so serious, you okay?
Just for a passing second Paul was certain he could see genuine concern etched in those dark chocolate eyes. It was as if it really seemed to matter to Jock that he was okay. Strange, but it was sort of how he himself felt about Jock. He really did think that he cared about how he felt. It shook him as his mind continued to try and pry him away from his heart’s urgings.
Oh, fine, sorry, guess I was just lost in thought somewhere, sorry.
No problem, well thanks again.
For what?
Dinner.
Wasn’t really very much, uh, how about a glass of brandy? We can maybe go sit in the den?
Sure, but uh… well, about staying, I know you offered, but I can drive okay and…
Panic seemed to suddenly grab at him. Paul felt a strange fear inside as if all he wanted from life was about to simply get up and leave. He felt desperate and gulped a few times as he gathered his wits. It was weird to feel this desperate & yet he knew he had to try, had to hold onto his hope somehow.
There is a spare room, door has a lock that works and…
Jocks eyes suddenly shut and Paul watched the way his face seemed to suddenly go white. It was almost as if he had insulted him and he wanted to take back the words as he waited for Jock to respond.
I am not worried about that, sorry. It is just, I don’t want to impose…
You aren’t, come on we’ll have some brandy and sit, talk if you want or maybe you’d rather watch television?
Okay, uh, talk?
Sure if you wanted to, or we could always just kick back and listen to some music and read if you prefer?
Really? I mean, wouldn’t that be, well, you have such a great selection of books.
It felt like a light had gone off or something. The way Jock’s face suddenly lit up made Paul’s heart skip a beat or two. It felt so good to see him smile. More than that he seemed genuinely pleased by the notion. If only it was real he thought as he tried not to stare.
Tomorrow I am to pick up some new ones at the local bookstore, maybe you’d care to come along with me?
Guess that settles it then.
Settles it? What?
Me staying. With a trip to a bookstore in the offering? No way could I go home now.
Haha, well… I’ll have to remember that.
Jock looked over at Paul and smiled. The way his mouth curled and the eyes glowed almost made Paul feint. It was like he had suddenly been given the key to the country or something. His chest ached a bit from the strain as they walked slowly towards the den. Paul wasn’t sure if they’d sit and talk or just read but he didn’t care. All that mattered to him was that Jock would be sitting next to him. For whatever that meant to Jock he didn’t know but for him it was like everything was finally beginning to fall into place. This was more than his dream coming true, this was living it.
He had never had so much trouble trying to concentrate as he was finding it right now. Every few seconds all he could think of was to steal a glance over at Paul. It felt weird to be feeling this way and yet it was exactly how he felt. His heart was beating a mile a second or so it felt. He knew that he was deluding himself that someone as sophisticated as Paul could even consider him worthy but he knew he couldn’t just walk away. The whole thing was amazing really.
Ever since the party he couldn’t get Paul out of his mind. It was almost as if the man had taken over his dreams and thoughts even. He had found himself comparing Paul to Mark which really confused him. Mark was a way to get laid, he knew that now and all his fancy thoughts of a life with Mark had seemed to just evaporate once he had met Paul.
Nothing really made sense to him but the idea of him and Paul seemed to keep on growing inside his mind and in his heart. He didn’t know if it was simply from Paul being nice to him or that they shared an interest. Whatever it was it was like he had suddenly become addicted to the notion of him and Paul.
Even now, sitting here in the big leather chair only added fuel to his wild thoughts. The odour of burnt wood permeated his nostrils and yet all he could think of was that alluring aroma of Paul’s cologne. It made him swoon really and the print on the page in front of him kept blurring as he tried to make sense of it all. Was he falling in love or was he falling for the dream he had of what a relationship was? Was it Paul’s own charm or the allure of a shared interest?
Jock couldn’t decide and it troubled him because he knew that if left to him he would have gone home. He wanted above all to stay but he was scared. He knew there was a huge age difference but somehow he didn’t seem to mind. Paul was something he had never thought existed. A man who cared for literature and for life. Least that was how he had first saw Paul but now he knew there was a lot more to it. He couldn’t make up his mind as to what attracted him to Paul the most.
Ever since that party he had thought about Paul. The more the days had passed the more obsessed he felt he was becoming about the man. He couldn’t explain why either because Paul wasn’t exactly a looker. He was handsome and held his age well but he was no poster boy for gay men. Maybe that was just it, maybe he was so warped that he went for the opposite of the typical gay?
It was his curse to always mull things over until they resembled a worn out bone or something. Still he couldn’t stop thinking of Paul and even Mark had sensed it. Their relationship had cooled dramatically after the party and Jock wasn’t sure if it was because he wanted Paul or simply didn’t care for Mark’s growing demand for more sex than Jock was willing to give. It bothered him a bit but then it didn’t seem to really matter when he would think of Paul.
The notion of some man entering his rectum had always turned him off, had made him feel that he wasn’t really gay, just gay curious but then he met Paul. All that seemed to change and yet at the same time made him even more fearful of sex. He had trouble even letting Mark jerk him off never mind suck him off which was what finally led to their big fight and eventual break-up. It also was how he was finally able to get enough courage to drive up here.
Just sitting here right now with Paul next to him made him feel more gay than all the kissing, fondling or blow jobs that Mark had given him. He didn’t know why he felt this way and he was afraid that it would end at any second. He couldn’t help it, yet each time he would steal a look at Paul he felt happy, alive. It was as if the man made him whole. His mind told him he didn’t know this older man and yet his heart told him he did.
Round and round his mind and heart kept going at this and yet he seemed to know that unless Paul threw him out, this was where he wanted to be. To just be in the presence of him, to smell his cologne, to listen to him breathe was intoxicating in itself. Worse though was how it made the rest of his body react. Jock could feel the constant press of his penis against his pants as he struggled to keep a tight rein on the physical emotions that kept trying to break out.
Dinner had been a nightmare for him. All he could think about while chewing was how nice it would be to make Paul breakfast, to feel his arms around his waist while he scrambled the eggs or flipped the bacon. His heart seemed to skip several beats each time he thought about what it would be like to open his eyes and see Paul’s face next to his or to just wake up to Paul’s even breath against his cheeks.
It scared him so much that he didn’t think he could stay and yet somehow here he still was. It amazed him really. How could a stranger have such an effect on him? His mind told him that he was being dishonest, that he was merely looking for a safe port in the storm of his life. He knew that it could be true. After all there was his outing by his wife and then Mark. He didn’t know who had scarred him more but his money was on the wife for the moment.
Still the whole idea of him actually being 100% gay scared him except when dreaming about Paul. His eyes grew a bit distant as he glanced once more at the balding head reading the leather bound book. The way the white hair seemed to shimmer made his pulse race a bit. Jock wished he had the courage to just tell Paul all this, but he didn’t. He hated himself for his weakness but then that too was who he was.
His wife may be a shrew in his mind but she was right. He had deceived her in the worst possible way but how do you tell someone you thought you cared for that you weren’t interested in them? Mark seemed to have no trouble with that but then Mark had only one goal it seemed. His wife had given him two children, she had a right to be pissed but she should have known that he wasn’t the type to jump to things. Maybe he had known all along that he liked guys but even now, despite all that had gone on, he still felt like he wasn’t certain.
Yet to be honest with himself when he looked at Paul he felt like he was. When he thought of Mark or some of Mark’s friends, all he could feel was uncertainty. When he looked at other women he felt the same way so what was he? Was he gay or just a totally confused fuck? Mark had called him that and as much as it hurt him to hear it, he had to maybe agree with Mark. He was confused but deep down inside he knew the answer rested. His problem was that he was too afraid to dig down and get it for fear of what it might truly be.
His head stared up and over the opened book in his hands as he looked over to the wall above the fireplace. A small brass lamp shone lightly down on an old looking document within a glass case. His eyes couldn’t make out the writing really except for the first few letters that were enlarged. He knew it was merely a copy still to lift his face up to stare up at that document made his heart flutter a bit.
It wasn’t something he hadn’t seen hundreds of times before and yet right this second it seemed to hold some special meaning to him. His eyes narrowed as he stared at the bold old English print that seemed to shimmer in the light. His heart grew quiet as he realized that all he wanted was here, that all he had ever hoped for was right here if he dared. For the first time he realized that he couldn’t sit back and wait, that it was suddenly a choice he had to actually make.
The blood seemed to fill his ears and he could hear the roaring sound as he mind ceased its battle with his heart. Small tears came to his eyes as he put the book down on his lap, wondering why it had taken him so long to realize all that now came flooding into his mind? His body shook a little and he could feel the growing flush of excitement as he finally let his heart beat stridently inside.
With the image of the three words ‘We The People’ from the constitution etched in his mind he turned to stare once more at Paul. This time he didn’t let his gaze wander or hide as he waited for Paul to turn and face him. He could see the eyes widen as he met Paul’s gaze and he licked his lips as he made up his mind.
Paul…
Yes?
I don’t want to sleep in the spare room, if that is okay with you.
Part 8
Paul opened his eyes to see the bright rays of the sun shining in from the window. For a minute or two he thought about the night wishing that the dream hadn’t ended. His face was open in a wide smile as he thought about last night when it hit him, it wasn’t a dream, it really was real, wasn’t it? He quickly turned away from the window to stare at the other side of his bed but it was empty. For a moment or two his heart sagged and he felt a strange sense of panic inside. It was a dream his mind said but then he smelled the scent wafting across the room and Paul knew that it had been no dream.
He sat up and looked around his large bedroom. The heavy drapes hadn’t been closed but the almost sheer pale blue ones had been drawn. They blew gently in the morning breeze that came from the open glass and once more memories of last night came flooding back to him. No, it hadn’t been a dream but now he turned around, wondering where the source of his good feeling had gone.
There was a sense of disappointment inside, as he had wanted to wake up and turn to see him lying next to him, but instead all he saw as the crumpled sheets and still dented pillow from where his head had lain. He could smell him still, a faint lingering aroma that once more made him feel like he was 16 or 17. He couldn’t believe his good fortune yet in his mind he could hear the words of one night stand echoing. Where was he?
Paul cocked his head to one side to try and listen. There was no sound coming from the bathroom, no water running and he could hear the wind rustling the trees outside and the birds chirping yet no human sound intruded. His heart beat a little faster from panic & fear as he stepped out of the bed, his robe quickly adorned from the chair as he began to feel strangely lost, strangely frightened.
He stood by the open window and peered out and down onto his driveway. There stood his Tahoe and in front the dented and old Datsun still rested. He breathed a small sigh of relief as he knew that the dream was real and that for the moment, it still hadn’t ended. He thanked his lucky stars as he finally was able to hear the sounds of something human moving off in the distance. He could tell it was coming from the kitchen and he felt the tension ease from his shoulders.
For a moment or two he pondered having a shower but instead he quickly dabbed cold water on his face, rinsed his mouth out and tossed on a pair of pants before slipping into his slippers. With the robe still on he padded off towards the kitchen to see what was going on. He didn’t want to waste a second as his feet moved just a bit faster almost in time with the rising beat of his heart.
As the sound grew louder he could also smell the tantalizing aroma of breakfast cooking. He never was one for big breakfasts but suddenly Paul found himself feeling rather ravenous. His mouth watered as he turned in from the hall into the kitchen. He stopped short as he saw the tall blonde by the large kitchen range. He was flipping something on the griddle portion of the stove top but it was his attire that made Paul stop.
Jock stood there, nothing on really except a pair of thin boxer shorts. You could just see the outline of his firm buttocks as well as the faint hint of tanned skin of the flesh. The tall figure had a thin something around the back of his neck and Paul knew that he wore an apron but other than those two items, Jock wore nothing else. He couldn’t believe it as he stood there, enjoying the beauty of the man.
He couldn’t contain himself as he felt the sudden growth between his legs along with the sudden flush that rose up from his groin. The warmth made him begin to sweat a little as he gazed at the long legs with their fine dusting of blond hairs. In his heart he could still feel them brushing up against his own legs and he sighed a little, recalling the pleasure he had had in just running his hand along those well defined and firm legs.
The sound of his sigh was heard as the head suddenly popped up and turned. Paul watched with a growing sense of desire as the hair moved one way and the head the other. He watched as Jock’s face came fully into view and he could see the rich chocolate eyes beaming out at him from under a lock of rebellious blonde hair. He saw the thin pale lips that he had tasted fully hours earlier and he smiled. The whole vision of Jock wearing a silly apron over his front only brought a whistle of appreciation from Paul’s lips which in turn brought an increasingly wider smile from that fine angular face.
Sorry was I making too much noise?
No, didn’t hear a sound really, uh.. what are you making? Smells damn good.
Oh just some eggs and bacon, hungry?
It seemed so right, the way Jock was standing by the stove with a spatula in his hand and his eyes darting from Paul then back to the food on the griddle. It was so perfect that he felt a tear welling up. Somehow he felt like he was once more in a world of dreams because life couldn’t be this perfect, could it?
Yes, actually…
That later …I mean… shit…
Paul had to laugh, the expression on Jock’s face when he had stared quickly at Paul’s middle when he had answered was priceless and yet he felt the strange hitch in his own voice as he chuckled. It had been a long time since he had let himself go in such a way as he had last night. Sure he had his fling or two while off in Europe but that had been sex, last night had been something else.
His mind still couldn’t quite believe all that had happened. If he was to be cold and analytical about it nothing much really had happened physically, yet the feelings inside that had come rushing to him were still there. He could still feel the excitement from Jock’s first touch of his naked chest, or the warmth that had suddenly filled his whole body when their lips had brushed against each other for the first time.
Everything about last night had been about firsts for him, yet his mind kept telling him that it had been nothing new. Still his heart and soul cried out for more, not so much for the raw sex but for the taste of Jock’s lips on his, the smell of Jock’s hair as it brushed past his nostrils. The sensation that made his body shake & shudder as Jock’s hand caressed his skin. All of that made him feel so different and the feeling hadn’t left, hadn’t passed. If he closed his eyes right now Paul knew he would see it all as if it was still happening. No, as much as his mind might try to confuse him, his heart knew the truth. What had passed between them last night hadn’t been about physical needs, but about something greater, much more meaningful.
Oh that too, but us old guys need nourishment first.
You aren’t old, hell if last night… uh…
There was a strange look across Jock’s face that was quickly hidden but Paul had seen it. For an instant he froze as he tried to understand the swift look that had nearly escaped his attention. His heart seemed to stop for that instant as fear gripped him. His mind reeled as the look became fixed in his vision.
What? Why that look? Is something wrong?
No, least not… this is so weird, I am sorry, but, is it okay to talk about.. I mean.. was it…
I have never felt so alive as I did with you last night Jock, if that is what you are asking.
Sort of, I am sorry, I feel so, different today… it is like, I don’t know… so much more human, more like a real person, if that makes sense.
It does, are you worried that… uh…
I don’t know what to do Paul.
He was feeling strangely confused. The look had puzzled him and even scared him but the voice made him look deeper into Jock’s face. There was a glow but also a look of concern that made his heart wince a little. He was confused himself as he tried to give himself time to think, to adjust to Jocks swing in moods.
Uh you flip the bacon over so it cooks on both sides then you…
Jock turned to stare down at the sizzling food and with a casual flip of his wrist managed to turn the bacon and other bits that were on the griddle. It was done abstractly Paul noticed as Jock’s head quickly turned back to focus on his face, the deep rich brown eyes staring intently at him.
That’s not what I meant… that I know how to do.
I can see that.
I am not good at… at sex. There… I said it, I know that for me last night was special, it really was something I have never felt before, but you, I mean Paul I know you expected more… and I just… I mean…
For a second he felt panic inside his heart as he listened to the halting voice. His hand moved out and he touched Jock on the shoulder and then with his hand he reached up and lifted the chin so he could stare into that face that had mesmerized him from the beginning.
In his heart he knew what Jock was trying to say and what he was feeling. To be honest he had thought that he had been the one who had maybe not satisfied but looking into Jock’s eyes he knew differently.
Last night was very special for me too Jock. I wouldn’t say that either if I didn’t mean it.
But I didn’t… I mean we didn’t…
Despite what some might say Jock, a first time with someone doesn’t have to always include or, well, it just doesn’t have to be doing everything… with Jason we never, I mean we never did do everything until later on. There aren’t any rules you know?
No, I didn’t… guess I am sort of stupid, just that I like you a lot and don’t want you to think I don’t. I guess I thought that you might think I didn’t cause we didn’t, uh, you know…
Strange listening to all this as it dredged up a conversation he had long since forgotten. It was after the second time he and Jason had made love together. They still hadn’t had intercourse and he had been afraid that Jason might think he didn’t like him. Funny how history could repeat itself and now here he was, once more reliving that same feeling only this time it wasn’t his reticence in question.
Jock I am appreciative for whatever you are willing to share with me. I know that doesn’t sound great, but I am in no rush to go all the way, as the kids might say. I am more interested in knowing you, and well, in having you know me. In some ways I feel like a kid in junior high with his first crush, yet, well, this is so much more than that to me. I want to enjoy it, last night was so much more than what I ever dreamed, you have to believe that Jock. It is the truth.
Jock just stood there for a moment or two and looked at Paul. It felt so unreal, as if suddenly time had stopped for them both as Paul felt Jock’s heart stop beating, just as his own stopped. They simply looked at each other, feeling the truth in what had been said.
The crackle of bacon intruded and Jock turned to shove the pile of crispy strips off to one side. His hands moved deftly as he spread the bacon and hash browns onto the two plates he had by the side. The eggs were quickly moved on and then he turned, the grill turned off and two plates of steaming food in one hand.
Their eyes met again and this time Paul felt the twinge inside as Jock motioned him towards the table. It was a moment that he knew he would never forget. In some ways it was as if they had spoken volumes and yet Paul knew there were many more questions left to ask. His heart seemed to beat slower as he sat down waiting for Jock. The plate of steaming food unnoticed in front of him as he looked up into the brown eyes.
And well, Well you sure seemed to know what to do last night, Christ you are so… I mean, hell I feel like… well like I am back in high school…
Me too.
Really?
Yeah, I just never, I mean I know we didn’t do a whole lot, but…
In his own mind he knew they had done more than enough. To him a first time didn’t mean you did everything but Jock seemed that he did. He wondered if that was perhaps from his time with Mark but as he looked into Jock’s face, he knew it was just that Jock wanted to please. It was weird really, to see that glow inside of the man & yet to also be able to recognize the fear too. So much was happening & so quickly that he too felt that twinge of fear, of doubt.
Jock, what we did was what was right for then, there are no set you do this I do that stuff… I mean, sometimes you just have to take your time… I know its been awhile since I… since I really…
I’ve never done some things Paul, I don’t know if I’d please you the way… I mean…
It was like listening to his own fears, his own doubts. Sex seemed so important but in reality he knew it was just a part of life, nothing that couldn’t be worked out if you cared enough about each other. Paul just didn’t know how to say it, to explain it.
Jock, let’s have breakfast before it gets cold, it looks so inviting…
Sorry.
Don’t be.. it is, hell I am just as uncertain about things as you… damned if I know what to say either.
Really?
Uh huh.
But you are…
Older?
No, I didn’t mean that, just that, well you have done all this before, I’ve never been… I mean all I ever let Mark do was uh, the oral stuff, and even that… I mean… there hasn’t been any other men… so…
I am in no rush Jock, if all we ever do is no more than what we did last night, then I am still feeling like I died and went to heaven. It was all I could handle, to be honest. I mean… look… there is something about you that makes me feel, well, like I have been given a very special moment, I don’t want it to end.
I don’t either, it is just… I mean there are so many things I want to say but I don’t know really how.
You just say them Jock, if last night was a beginning, and I sure as hell hope so, then we have to learn to, well to tell each other our thoughts.
But what if I say the wrong thing or not that, I mean, well what if I just don’t say it right? I don’t want to lose… Paul I don’t want to lose you as a friend. Last night was, well… scary and yet, I mean… it just felt like… like I needed to be with you, I know I didn’t do much but…
If you don’t say it right, then we’ll try to figure it out, I know how to use a dictionary.
Paul…
Okay, look, neither of us can make any promises about what might happen, let’s well, let’s sort of let things happen and take it one step at a time.
So last night was okay?
More than okay Jock… this is weird… I am sorry, I am not used to talking about this either. It has been a long time for me… since I even felt this way.
Really? I never would have… Paul, why are you single? I mean… damn I am putting my foot in it, but, I guess I just can’t believe my luck, you are exactly what I have always dreamed about, when I let myself.
Paul felt like he was looking in some time mirror. He could see his own reflection in the words that Jock was trying to get out and he knew that in many ways they shared the same doubts and fears. He couldn’t believe his good fortune from last night yet he too had felt that maybe he hadn’t done all that Jock needed. It was bizarre to think you could establish a routine in just one night and Jason had helped him there, just as he knew he would need to help Jock. His biggest fear really was wondering if he was up to the task or would he blow it?
Me? God Jock you don’t know the half of it, I have a lot of baggage my friend…
Paul was surprised as Jock stood up and reached over to kiss Paul lightly on the lips. He could feel the electricity pouring into his body as the lips brushed lightly together. Then Jock’s head pulled back a bit to stare once more into Paul’s blue eyes. They locked & simply stared at each other for a minute or even two. He felt the hitch in his heart and the sudden gasp for air as his body shook a little by the soft tender touch that lingered as they stared at each other.
Finally Jock lowered his head and sat back down again, his tongue giving a quick flick over his lips that made Paul’s eyes widen a bit. It was almost as if Jock was trying to savour that taste, that one brief taste.
What was that for?
Calling me your friend… sorry, it is just, well, it felt so good..
Paul felt his hand reaching out over the table with the palm open. He waited as Jock looked at it and then brought his own hand up to let it fit neatly into Paul’s. It felt so good to hold him like that as the aroma of the food wafted past and he could smell Jock’s own scent mingling with the smell. It was as domestic as he had ever gotten in the last 20 or so years and he could feel the excitement racing around inside of him.
He also felt the apprehension of what he was letting himself in for. Here he was, 61 years of age with a man half his age at best, beginning something that he had only dreamed of for the last 20 years. Could he change his own ways to meet Jock’s needs or would his set ways eventually ruin what could be?
So many questions flew past his mind that he felt a bit dizzy by it all. Even after breakfast, there seemed a sense of awkwardness that he knew was mostly his fault. He really just wanted to reach out and grab Jock but held back. Still while cleaning up he did manage to brush against him which only added to his sense of wonder. The mere touch of Jock’s young firm figure next to his own made the blood boil inside. Thoughts of taking him into his arms and smothering him with passionate kisses took his fancy and even caused him to drop some cutlery that he was drying.
The noise had startled Jock but the look in his eyes had made it all worth it. Paul could see his concern as if he had dropped something important and yet the smile had made Paul feel weak at the knees. It was a twirling tornado of emotions with each passing of a dirty dish or pot and Paul felt like he was 16 again. How could he not want this? It was like a prayer had been answered but his mind had forgotten asking for it.
Even back upstairs Paul had felt the doubts crossing his mind. He had wanted to follow Jock into the shower but held back, knowing he was being old fashioned, telling himself it would be too pushy. Yet he was certain there was a sense of disappointment in Jock when he didn’t, but also a sense of relief. It was confusing but he knew that he couldn’t stop going forward. This was his chance, perhaps his last chance at having something he had secretly wanted for a very long time.
The sound of the water running and the noise of it falling off of Jock’s body only made his heart ache even more. He stared at his reflection in the large steamy mirror, wondering what it was that Jock saw in him? Could it be that he could see beyond that ancient looking face or was he looking for something else? As much as he hated himself for thinking it, he wondered briefly if it was the money or something else?
Staring at his own reflection he felt himself sizing up the pro’s and con’s of it all. He had some things to offer Jock, most of which was material but he did have a few non material things he could bring to the mix. He did have experience to some extend, and he had been around for a time so that could be a plus. It also could be a negative because he was 61, there was no escaping that.
His hair had receded quite a fair amount but he didn’t think it made him look exactly old. In some small way it added a bit of character to his appearance he thought but would Jock see that? What about other people? How would they see him and Jock? More than likely they would see the rich old fart with a young stud on his arm and figure it was about the money. It would be their first thoughts really and he had to admit it could be a problem.
Yet as hard as his mind kept trying to be practical about it, he found the answers deep in his heart. Frankly what difference did it really make what people thought, it was what Jock and he thought about it that counted. Just looking at Jock he could feel that the money was an issue but not in the way others would. If anything he felt confident that Jock would bend over the other way in an effort to not make it be about that. Still, he had a lot of money, it would be hard to not have it influence their relationship.
The sudden realization that he was embarking on an actual relationship gave him a cold chill. He shivered a bit as he looked at his reflection. The steam from the shower had distorted the view and yet he didn’t move to wipe the glass. It was how he saw himself, grey and distorted. How could he even consider this he thought? What madness was it to let himself be swept up by the glimmering hope of some grand love affair with a man half his age?
He felt suddenly very old and very scared. Paul knew in his heart that he craved the warm embrace of Jock’s arms but he also knew that he was still very much frightened by all that it would mean. He hadn’t been off the mark in saying he had a lot of baggage, and he wondered if it was fair to Jock to subject him to it? Could he expect someone so vulnerable to accept and understand all that it meant? Was it perhaps expecting too much?
Doubts and fears raced inside and he found his heart faltering a little. He knew he wanted this but he believed he was past it. His time had come and gone, of that he was fairly certain. Still, there was a small shard of hope that seemed persistent. It wouldn’t let him toss this chance away. Last night had been beyond words for him and just thinking about it made his shoulders relax a bit. The image before him might be old but it still breathed, it still had life inside so why shouldn’t he seize this opportunity?
The anxiety was making him sweat or maybe it just was the heat from the hot water coming from the shower. Either way he felt a strange heaviness inside that made him lean forward and close his eyes. He really wanted this but he could feel the years of denial roaring up inside. He wanted to be free of these doubts but they seemed insurmountable as he contemplated his image, his limited future.
Paul felt a sudden surge of something and he was startled as he tried to figure out where this strange new feeling was coming from. It felt wet and warm and inviting too as his head came up and there, in the mirror was another reflection. This time he felt the tension rising up as he stared out at his own brooding face and the soft thoughtful face of Jock next to it.
Jock merely stood there as Paul stared at him in the mirror. He saw the hair dangling down on either side of his face, the water dripping down his forehead and his flesh gleamed in the bathroom’s light. It looked so pink and fresh that it made Paul’s heart skip a beat. His eyes widened as Jock’s arms moved up to encircle his waist. He felt the wetness growing as Jock’s body seemed to just melt into his own and the long thin face now rested gently on Paul’s shoulder.
Are you as scared as I am Paul?
Slowly Paul felt himself turning around in Jock’s strong wet arms. He looked into the face and felt the drips of water against his bared chest. His robe had fallen open as he stood close to Jock, smelling his own shampoo and soap. He breathed in deeply as he also smelled the fear that came form them both.
‘Yes’ he said as he felt his own arms reaching out and sliding under Jocks’ arms. ‘Yes I am just as scared but we’ll work through it… if you want’
He stood there feeling Jock’s heart beating next to his, feeling his body gradually forming itself into Jock’s firm muscular frame. The arms held him tightly and Paul’s hands moved slowly up the small of Jock’s back. He could feel the fear but he also felt the thrill of the touch, the softness of the skin and the firmness of the muscles. His whole body grew hard and rigid as he closed his eyes and leaned closer to let his mouth brush up against the thin pale lips. The power of their embrace became harder as his body moved back a step and he felt the edge of the counter against his back. His groin was like a raging inferno as it pushed forward into the soft belly of the young man. He could feel the press back from Jock’s own crotch just as their lips touched.
It felt like a plug being put into the socket. The way his whole body suddenly became charged with an overwhelming sense of joy and pleasure. Every part of him began to tingle as the juice from the socket surged inwards. Paul didn’t know what to make of it as his emotions suddenly were awakened by the press of Jock’s mouth on his own. He could taste the man as his lips parted slightly and Jock’s thick raspy tongue came snaking inside in a darting manner.
Every part of his body suddenly ached and he felt the breathe leaving his lungs. His arms grew numb as he clung onto Jock’s own shivering body. There was no mistaking the desire or the passion that kept roaring into his body from every pore in his own body. He felt so alive that it actually hurt. The thunder of his own heart rose to a crescendo as he felt Jock’s long thick tongue running along the roof of his mouth. Tears welled up at the corner of his eyes as he held them tightly shut, afraid to open them for fear that he’d find this all a dream. Yet the thundering noise in his head told him how real it was.
Lights seemed to be exploding around him as his own tongue licked at the young probing flesh inside of his mouth. He could taste him and with each swallow he felt a surge of excitement that only drove his pulse to race faster. Every part of him shook as he felt Jock’s raw passion envelop him. He felt the desire and need clinging to the very beads of sweat that dotted his entire body and his robe was nothing but a massive weight of water soaked cloth. His body ached in ways he had never realized it could. The pain was so intense it felt like he would black out and yet it was also so sweet and inviting that he craved more.
Paul’s hips shot outwards, his hard erect penis digging hard into the rigid body in front and in return he felt the press of Jock’s own penis wedged firmly into the soft inner thigh of one leg. His body shook as his mind was overcome by the emotions from his soul. His hands grew numb and fell to rest around the firm cheeks of Jock’s buttocks. His eyes were glued tightly together as his lungs gasped for air. Jock’s mouth grew harder and he felt the puffing breath of Jock’s own breath filling his throat as a short strangled cry of pleasure assailed his deafened ear drums.
Just as the sound began to diminish he felt the cooling breeze of air across his face. Their lips had parted and suddenly his mouth was empty and his heart cried out for more just as the stinging heat came gushing past the hot flesh of his inner thighs. He felt the hard press of Jock’s body into his and the hard edge of the counter dug deeply into the small of Paul’s back.
It was over in a second but before he could catch his breath he felt the taller body suddenly sliding down his own heaving chest. He felt the hard rapid press of lips against his turning stomach, felt the warmth of the kisses on his belly and then in a flash his body was once more brought to the edge of excruciating pain & pleasure as Jocks’ mouth wrapped itself around the thick bulging head of Paul’s penis.
The sudden warmth and moisture made him cry out as his hands reached down to dig into the flesh on Jock’s shoulder. His fingers dug inwards as the pleasure surged into his body from his groin. His hips jerked forward as the blood drained from his body, rushing at break neck speed towards his groin. His lungs ached as he gasped for air and the heat became too much for him. Stars and bolts of blue mingled with purple and red passed in front of his closed eyes as he cried out, feeling the explosion coming from deep within his soul.
His body lurched forward and he felt the hard press of Jock’s mouth up against his pubic hairs. His body lost all strength as he surrendered to the overpowering passion that held him fixed against the counter. His toes curled and the nails dug deep into the hot flesh of the shoulders, digging so deep that he could feel the bone beneath. His voice cried out as he heaved forward and he felt the explosion shake him from the top of his head to the very souls of his feet.
The doubts and fears were gone for the moment as his body felt near collapse. He managed to pry open his eyes slightly as he heard a cough and felt his body slowly sinking to the floor. He opened them to see Jock next to him, his eyes glazed in a way he had never seen in another human before. There was a glint that made his heart skip a beat as he struggled to speak, instead all he could do was stare at the young man, a small dried whiteness on his chin showing him that barely a drop of his love had escaped the man’s lips.
He had no idea where they would go from this point, but Paul knew that as much as he feared the future, he couldn’t stop fate from taking him along a path he had long been avoiding. For his entire life he had avoided this but he knew deep down that his heart was no longer his own. That in this brief moment, this brief encounter he had surrendered to the passion that seemed to be all around them.
Sitting on the floor with him made him feel like he was only 15 or 16. The way his blood still boiled deep inside only made his doubts and fears evaporate in the steam filled bathroom. The tiles of the floor didn’t feel cold or hard, but where like a pillow of eider down as he reached out with his hand, to take Jock’s own hand. He held it on his lap and stared into the deep rich chocolate eyes that peered out at him.
There were so many obstacles ahead that it seemed insurmountable and yet looking at him, feeling the pulse of his heart Paul knew that they could manage. He knew it wouldn’t be easy yet it didn’t seem to matter as he felt the passion that flowed all around them.
Slowly he raised his hand to gently caress the younger face. His fingers moved lightly over the shivering cheeks as he let the man’s eyes hold his own. It was what his heart had been searching for and at last Paul had found the courage to seize the opportunity that had crossed his path. For now he didn’t care how long it would last, as long as it lasted for the moment.
You know, if you wanted me to join you in the shower, you could have just asked.
Jock smiled as he looked into Paul’s eyes. He reached out with his hand and took Paul’s, bringing it to his lips where he kissed it gently.
This seemed better.
The smile melted his heart as Jock stood up and still holding Paul’s hand, he helped him up to his feet. He kissed him softly this time on the lips then reached out to the small dish on the counter. He turned to look at Paul, the eyes searching and then with that gleam growing his hand picked up one of the small packages. His head turned briefly away, staring down at the package and then back up to gaze into Paul’s eyes.
With his hand firmly clutching at Paul’s, Jock moved away and led them both back to the open shower door. The sound of the spray echoed distantly as his heart thundered inside. He felt the warmth of the escaping steam and he could see it swirling around their bodies as he let his robe slip from his shoulders and body. He stood their naked next to Jock’s own nude body. In that instant he felt the passion rising up inside of him as Jock stepped over the railing into the wide shower enclosure, his hand still holding Paul’s. Jock turned to smile at Paul, as his body was slowly surrounded by the thin wisps of steam and in that instant Paul realized he had just won the biggest lottery of them all, he had finally won at the lottery of love.
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