Rent Boy - Chapter 13 (conclussion)

Chapter 13

Josh sat there, swirling the amber liquid around in the glass. It never changed, did it? No matter what he could still feel the ache in his heart, the emptiness whenever he thought about Billy, even now so many yearslater, so much water under the bridge, and yet he could close his eyes and there he would stand, the dark hair flowing across his forehead, the eyes penetrating deep into his soul; and yet when he opened his eyes, there was nothing there, just the hint of what could have been.

The touch of Darren’s hand on his shoulder made him look up, the image of Billy smiling slowly dissipating in the light of the room. A wan smile crossed his face as he stared up, wondering what would come next.

“You really loved him a lot, now I understand.”

“Understand? What is it you understand Darren?”

“Oh, lots of things I guess, like why you always back off when things get really emotional between us, for instance.”

“Back off ? Come on Darren, that isn’t true.”

“Oh come on Josh, you know it is… I mean how many times have I asked you to go away for a weekend and you always find an excuse, or how many times have I told you I want to be with you forever and you tell me I need a shrink, if that isn’t backing off I don’t know what is.”

Josh sat there looking up, staring into Darren’s eyes, and seeing the clouds roll over the normally sparkling eyes. He could see the pain there, the sharp anguish that was not just evident in Darren’s voice, but was deep in his heart. Funny, he never really looked into his eyes before, never really delved there like he used to do for hours with Billy.

He shuddered a little as the words found their way inside of him. For a brief second he could feel the words and he knew that in some ways they were true, but damn it, couldn’t Darren understand that it wasn’t his fault? Couldn’t he see that you never really ever find that

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perfect love, but if you are lucky you only find it once in a lifetime?

“He’s gone Josh, you aren’t, least not physically, look I never knew your Billy, from what Gordon told me he was something special, but he is gone and you have to let yourself want to go forward.”

“Darren that isn’t fair… yes he’s gone, but not really gone, he’s still a big part of me, can’t you see that?”

“All I see is that I am competing with a ghost, and that isn’t fair to me or to you.”

Josh looked away, he could see the pain only growing inside of Darren and for some reason, it made him feel angry. Couldn’t Darren just accept who he was, what he was, and let it go at that? Why did he insist on wanting to know everything, to have all of him? How could he even give all of himself to Darren, wasn’t there a big hole in his soul? How do you give what you don’t have?

Josh swirled the cognac around and then brought the glass up to his lips. He tossed his head back and swallowed it all in one gulp. With his head high, he rose up and handed the ring to Darren.

“I can’t give you what I don’t have Darren, I wish I could, maybe another time, I’ll call you.”

With those softly spoken words, Josh grabbed his coat and walked out of the apartment. He closed the door softly, and he leaned against the wall, breathing deeply in an attempt to quell his shaking heart. The tears flowed down from his cheeks and he cried within, desperate to feel Billy’s touch, to hear his voice, to experience just once more his tender embrace.

He shook his head and headed towards the elevator, hearing a glass smashing somewhere inside of Darren’s apartment. His hand pushed the button and he waited, knowing that he had hurt Darren, but he had no choice, there just really wasn’t anyway he could give Darren what he deserved.

The glass had smashed against the wall, narrowly missing the large oil painting of Josh. It was something he had cherished and now as he stared at it, he felt anger and disgust and sorrow.

“Damn you,” he yelled at the moody face that stared out at him. “Damn you and Damn your Billy, damn, damn” he mumbled over and over again. The tears were like a torrential downpour, as he sat in his couch, alone and feeling empty. He loved Josh so much, why couldn’t he see that? Why did he have to insist on hanging on to something that was gone, long dead and buried?

Glancing up at the portrait, he knew that there was no answer. He could see that all his dreams and hopes for a life with Josh had simply walked out the door. He didn’t even look back, he just handed him the ring back and left, nothing else, no hysterics, no tears, nothing. Just his back as he walked out the door.

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Darren picked up the bottle by his feet, still a third full and with one giant swallow, he drained the fine alcohol. He sputtered several times as he drank deeply of the intoxicating liquid, anxious to forget all that he had heard, all that had happened here, but his mind refused his wishes.

Instead he saw images of his Josh naked, playing in a pool with some dark shaped figure, a laugh always there instead of the serious face that he had fallen in love with. His head seemed to be drawn once more to the portrait, and he stared at the troubled powder blue eyes that the artist had captured so perfectly. They looked so empty and yet so mysterious too.

Well he had the answers didn’t he? What good did that do him? Fuck it, he thought, and headed for his bedroom and for a night of restless sleep. His anger was short lived; instead a deep sense of loss filled his heart as he undressed to crawl into bed. He could still see the eyes even as he closed his own.

Strange, he thought, the way the shadows moved around him, and yet all he wanted was to sleep, to try and forget all that had gone on. Darren tossed and turned, feeling hot one second, then a strange chill would come over him and he would reach for the blanket to cover himself with. It was an unnerving night and finally he managed to doze off, to let the sleep finally overtake him, or so he thought.

Darren almost flew out of the bed as he heard Josh’s voice ringing in his ears. He rubbed his sleep-swollen eyes and there he was, standing there, a playful look on his face, and his eyes, oh man his eyes looked so blue and full of life.

He reached out with one hand but couldn’t quite reach and he saw the image shimmering, as if about to dissipate, and he cried out, begging the vision to stay and join him.

The shape was almost gone, just an outline in the dark when his voice cried out, and the figure of Josh stopped, the beautiful face turned towards him, the smile wide and the teeth perfectly white gleamed at him as the words bounced around his empty room.

Quickly his heart started to beat faster and he sat up in the bed, bringing his legs up and he leaned forward, both of his hands outstretched now towards the turned figure of Josh.

“Oh Please, please Josh,” he cried out and he shut his eyes briefly, willing the figure to come closer. As he opened them, he saw the figure laughing and then he saw a darker shape next to Josh’s full body figure. It was cast in shadows and he saw the way that Josh’s whole body was leaning towards it.

He didn’t need a brick to fall on him, he knew that the shadowy figure was Billy, and he saw the way Josh looked so alive, so full of energy and of love. He could see a blue shimmering glow that seemed

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to be striving to reach out and encompass both him and the shadowy figure.

Darren took a deep breath, willing his beating heart to slow down as he watched. Billy, for he was sure that was who the figure was, seemed to hold Josh’s attention like he had never seen before. There was no doubt that Josh had been captivated and for some strange reason, he didn’t seem to mind it now. He seemed instead to look closely, to watch the way the shadowy figure just moved, or glided this way to keep the focus.

It was a strange sight, he could see a dark lock of hair across the forehead, the way the head tilted back to toss that lock out of sight but never succeeding. He saw a strange glow too, a sort of bond that stretched from the dark figure’s chest towards Josh’s own rib cage.

The image of Josh started to grow closer to the dark one, as if it was merging into just one single shadow figure and he caught himself crying as the two shapes grew closer.

Suddenly the dark shape stopped, its head now angled away from Josh and it was as if it was seeking him out. It was an eerie feeling, seeing the shape’s upper body twist around and look. It had almost become one with Josh’s young image when the darker recess of the head seemed to glance at him. Darren felt a chill run up and down his spine as the dark orbs held onto his eyes.

He shivered even though he had the blanket wrapped up to his neck. His hands trembled under the soft linen of his comforter and his heart started to pound irregularly.

The dark shape grew stronger in definition, the face became more defined as he saw the firm jaw jutting out, the forehead with dark lines across it, and the hair cut to the shoulder. Where the eyes should have been were, instead, a dark piercing emptiness. His own eyes couldn’t stop staring at the darkness and the chill grew inside of him. He wanted to scream and wake up from this nightmare but no sounds would come from his throat. It was almost as if he was frozen in time, and he shuddered even more as the thought hit him.

He felt the darkness surround his body, and he felt a strange almost cold enter his heart and then move outwards through his whole body. The dark shadow was now right in front of him, as if it had joined him on the bed. The dark orbs were impenetrable and yet his own eyes still stared into the nothingness.

He felt like he was being swallowed up by the darkness of those eyes. The cold penetrated every fibre of his being and yet, while his mind was racing in a blind panic, his heart seemed to start to slow down. The panic that had made it race seemed to simply vanish as he felt the darkness surround him and cover him with its blankness.

Darren trembled as he watched the curtains sway to the morning’s

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breeze. His body was soaked in a cold sweat and he trembled from it all. He glanced around the room, seeing everything and yet feeling like he was just arriving here.

His hand quivered as he picked up his phone and dialled the number. He waited for the other party to pick up, knowing that this was all insane and yet also knowing he had no choice. He had to do this.

The cranky voice on the other end finally relented and gave him the information he had demanded. He wrote it down quickly on the back of a magazine and then hung up the phone. Without any other thought he tossed the blankets off and headed for the shower where he turned on the hot water full, desperate to erase the bone chilling cold that had permeated his entire body. It helped, but not much and he dressed quickly.

Grabbing the piece of paper Darren headed out of the door and, almost in a run, left his apartment as the sun poked its head up over the horizon. There was no stopping him as he hurried to the one place where he knew he was going to get his answers.

Josh felt like he had been through a war. His whole body ached from the strain of the night and the morning. Instead of sleeping he had spent the time sitting in his own apartment, staring at the two photo’s in a shiny silver frame.

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He could see Billy’s eyes, the way the dark orbs seemed to sparkle, and then he would glance to the other picture, the one of Darren, and his heart seemed to skip a beat. He had such nice eyes too, dark one’s but they seemed to be so full of life, while Billy’s seemed to hold more secrets than anything else.

Josh didn’t know how long he had spent staring at the two men who had meant so much to him. One was dead, long buried out in the cemetery by the hill, while the other might as well be too, because he just couldn’t let him in, no matter how much he wished he could. The tears came and went through the early morning hours and despite all the booze he had drunk, he could still feel the pain inside of his chest.

As the sun poked its head up, he left his place and walked. He had no direction, he just walked, through the streets that were deserted but now gradually wakening up. People started to appear everywhere and he sat on a bench, watching as they bustled to and fro. He saw all types as they went on with their lives and he sighed deeply.

Why couldn’t he just accept Darren? Why did he have to always be comparing him to Billy? No one could equal Billy, and despite his best efforts, he couldn’t ever forget what he and Billy once had. The pain grew inside him once more, as it always did when he came to this point in a relationship. The trouble was, this time it didn’t really seem so bad, he hurt more when he had left Darren’s place than he did now.

He had tried, honestly he had. In college he had chased a few and been rewarded with some good companionships, but nothing that could come close to what he and Billy had shared for such a short time. There was always something that would interrupt his moving forward, either the person would simply not understand about his past or would not accept that there was a big part of him missing, that could never be replaced.

Always, after those times, he would reflect and would gain some comfort with Billy’s locket held tightly in his hand. It was there now, and he opened it up to see the smiling face, see the twinkle in the eyes and his heart would normally soar with the vision, but not this time. This time he just felt sadder, more lonely than he ever had before.

As the morning rolled along, he found himself slowly coming towards the one place he always found solitude. He saw the wrought iron gates ahead and his heart soared briefly, but only briefly. The small corner store was empty as he purchased the small bouquet of purple and white lilacs. They were Billy’s favorite and he clutched them as he walked up past the cemetery gates, heading past the huge trees that lined the roadway.

Normally his heart would start to lighten by now. Instead it just seemed to grow heavier as he walked silently along the well shaded roadway towards that special spot where he could once again sit and talk with the only one he had ever loved.

Josh turned the corner, and there stood the solid redwood oak, tall and majestic on the hill, small statues dotted the grass that was a lush deep green and marked the various residents of the hilltop. He had no idea how Gordon had managed it, but he had gotten a spot just near enough to the tree that its tall branches always covered Billy’s final resting spot.

A simple white marble headstone adorned the tiny plot, and there were always fresh flowers there. Gordon regularly visited here, and he always brought unique flowers for Billy. As he glanced up he saw a figure squatting where Billy’s headstone was. For a second he thought it had to be either Gordon or Manuel but the shape was all wrong for it to be either of them. For a brief second, the sorrow in his heart was replaced by his curiosity and he trudged up the slope to find out just who it was.

As the sound of his approach grew, the squatting figure suddenly turned and saw him, and stood up and waited for him to come closer. Josh’s eyes bulged wide as he recognized Darren’s figure. He stopped as the recognition dawned on him, and for a brief instant he wanted to turn and run down the hill and out of the cemetery, but something held

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him in place, some invisible force kept his feet from moving or turning until the sudden panic eased. Only then did feeling and control return to his feet and he walked slowly forward to greet Darren.

Darren watched as Josh approached. He saw the pain his eyes and he could feel it in his heart. Suddenly it all made sense to him and as Josh came level to him he turned to stare down at the simple white headstone.

“William Jonathan Braxton, I never would of guessed it was him.”

“What? You knew Billy?”

“Knew him? No, I don’t think anyone ever really knew Billy, only what he wanted you to know, even way back then.”

“Back then?”

“Did you know he has her eyes? I never figured it out, but it came to me last night, it was her eyes and now I know where he is.”

“Darren…”

“Did you know, she was an amazing women Josh, you would of liked her. I think she would of liked you too, she had good taste and she was a pretty good judge of character.”

“Uh, Darren…”

“No, no Josh, you had your say last night, but it isn’t over you know? It really isn’t.”

“Darren come on man, look there just isn’t an easy way, and surely after all that I said, you have to see…”

“Oh but it is you who doesn’t see, and until early this morning, neither did I. I am a bit slow sometimes, but I know what I want, and I know who I love, so no Josh, it is far from over, it is just beginning and you know why it is just beginning?”

“No, I don’t, why?”

“Because of Billy there… he won’t let it end, not your way anyhow.”

“But…”

“No, he won’t, you ask him, he’ll tell you Josh. He’ll tell you how much he wants this, and if you loved him half as much as I do, then you’ll listen to him now.”

Darren bent down to his knees and rested one hand on the grass, just ahead of the headstone. Tears rolled down his cheeks as he knelt, and his hand trembled as he spoke haltingly to the ground.

“I missed you so much, so much,” he softly whispered.

Darren got up, the tears still flowing and he turned away and walked back down the road. His shoulders were hunched and his head hung down as he walked away from the gravesite.

Josh stared at the figure of his friend, not sure what was going on. He heard the words and saw the deep pain that Darren had and as he walked away his own heart ached for him. His mind wished him to

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follow but he stared down at the gravesite, wanting to know more, afraid to find it out.

Josh found his face turning towards the disappearing back of Darren then suddenly it was drawn down to his hand, where Billy’s locket lay, open somehow, and he saw into the eyes. His heart stopped as his whole body shook to a tremendous surge of energy.

The heaviness in him suddenly vanished and his soul no longer ached or felt only a part of itself. He nodded to the locket and turned quickly to run after Darren.

“Darren, DARREN WAIT, PLEASE WAIT,” he yelled as he ran down the hill, catching up to Darren at the foot.

“Please, don’t leave, not now, we have so much more to talk about.”

“I can’t Josh, I…”

“Yes, yes you can Darren, and Darren… you were right, he won’t let it end this way, please, please let us go back and talk, please?”

Josh hadn’t used that voice in many years. It was almost like being back in time when things were good, when Billy was alive and next to him. Well, in a way he was, and he knew now what he had been afraid of, but now he was being given a second chance.

Darren gave in, he couldn’t refuse Josh, and he knew he never could refuse him anything. Slowly they walked back up the small hill, to sit down together under the tree, their feet stretched out towards Billy’s grave.

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For the longest time they just sat there, neither of them talking as if they just wanted to be there, together, sharing everything, yet saying nothing.

“Does Gordon know Darren?”

“Gordon? No, no I don’t think he does, hell I didn’t know until early this morning.”

“But how?”

“It’s the eye’s Josh, those eyes. I could see her in them, always see her in them, but last night, well last night I saw him instead, then it hit me, and I had to come here to find out.”

“I don’t get it Darren, find out what? How do you know Billy?”

“He’s my brother Josh, my older brother.”

Josh couldn’t believe it. This was not real, not possible. He searched his memory and yet he couldn’t recall Billy saying much about his earlier life. He knew he had lived on a farm, that his family had somehow turned on him; but, wait, no that wasn’t right, it wasn’t how he put it, damn, how was it he worded it?

They were safer without him, that’s it, that’s how he put it. How, it didn’t make sense then and now it certainly made even less sense. He looked at Darren and saw the way his hair sat on his forehead, that tiny lock of hair, shorter than Billy’s but it curled the same way and if it was longer it too would fall across his eye, just as Billy’s used to.

Damn, why had he never seen it before, the eyes were the same brooding dark, yet they could burst into a dazzling display of sparkles and fireworks that could overwhelm a person, just as Billy’s did. Even his smile, when it broke out was like a thunderous event in his heart, just like when Billy would smile at him. Damn, he had been so blind, why hadn’t he seen the similarities.

It all came rushing to him as he sat there, staring down at Billy’s grave. That was why he was so damn scared of committing to Darren, because he reminded him too much of Billy. The few arguments they had simply made him think more of Billy; or the love making, the way Darren would always try to please him in different ways, it had always reminded him of Billy. That was the big reason why he couldn’t commit, Darren had reminded him too much of Billy.

“What happened Darren?”

“Happened? Oh, I never really knew until awhile back what had happened. All I knew for my younger years was that Billy and my step dad had a big argument and he had left.

“It wasn’t until oh, maybe when I was 17 or so that I found out the details. Billy never liked our step dad, and he blamed Mom for that too, it damn near broke her heart when he left. Yet I think secretly, she was kind of proud of him for doing that. They used to be so inseparable, it made me jealous at times and he knew that, yet he never ever rubbed it in either.

“I miss him so much Josh, I think I can understand now why you were so afraid of us.”

“It wasn’t that Darren, it never was… it was, well, just…”

“Just that you didn’t want to get that close to anyone again, afraid they’d leave you like he did, but he really never left you Josh, maybe that’s the problem.”

“Maybe, I don’t think so. I think it is just that he was such a big part of me, and when he was taken away, well, so was a big part of me taken… I think that is why I never got close to anyone.”

“Is it? No, somehow I think that’s just an excuse you have been hanging onto Josh.”

“Darren, that isn’t fair.”

“Isn’t it? Maybe, or maybe it’s just that I know how you feel.”

“I… Darren I just don’t see…”

“When he left, I hated him, did you know that?”

“No.”

“Yeah, I blamed him for everything, for all the shit in my life, for everything that went wrong it was cause Billy had left.”

“That isn’t fair, how could you…”

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“Same way I guess you can’t feel like you can ever love anyone as much as you loved him… isn’t it?”

“That’s not the same thing.”

“Isn’t it? Tell me, you ever talk to him about the past?”

“No… no, we never had a chance to really do that, I wished we had.”

“I wish you had too, maybe then it wouldn’t have taken me so long to get my own answers.”

“But… Darren I don’t see how any of this really changes things between us… I mean okay, you…”

“Changes things? Maybe it doesn’t, but then again maybe it doesn’t have to Josh, maybe it can make sense of it all instead.”

“Sense? I don’t…”

“Josh I can’t compete with a ghost, even if it is my brother’s ghost, but at least maybe you can let him go, maybe it is something that can bring us closer, let you see me for me instead of seeing him in my eyes or hear him in my voice or feel him in my touch, maybe… maybe that is what this is all about?”

“I suppose, I guess if you are right. Shit, I don’t know Darren, he is so much a part of my life… so much of who I am is because of what we shared… how is that going to change?”

“Who says it has to Josh? I am not Billy, and as much as I used to look up to him, as much as I used to love him, I know I am not him.”

“But… I guess I see what you are saying, but deep down I don’t know… I just don’t know.”

“Neither do I but maybe if you know that he was who he was, and I am who I am then maybe, maybe we can get past it, I mean Josh, I loved him, you have no idea how much his leaving hurt and how long I used to hate him for it, until I got older and understood. And now, now I know how much I needed him, but I also know he always loved me, that can’t ever change, and well, well if you want to keep his love, maybe you need to also let it go too, so you can have new love, and…”

“I can’t let it go, least I… fuck I just don’t know, all I know is that every time I got close to someone, I would wind up pulling away because it wasn’t like it was with him, and yet with you, I don’t know, you scared me because for brief moments, I would forget him, I would stop thinking of how it was… I don’t want to lose that Darren, I don’t want to forget him.”

Josh sat there, tears now rolling down his cheeks too, as he thought about Billy and how much he had meant to him. He also thought about Darren, and how there were those brief moments when they would connect, when his guard was down, and how good that felt and how he felt after, how he felt like he was betraying Billy’s love for him.

His head was lowered to his chest as his one hand held tightly the

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silver locket, the locket that always guided him as he needed it, and now it seemed to grow warm in his hand, seemed to be pulling him and he looked down towards the grave.

Josh felt his breath leaving his body, his legs started to twitch and his face became drawn and his eyes bulged outwards. Standing by the grave was Billy, or at least his image. Quickly he rubbed his eyes with his free hand to bring himself back to reality. He felt a strong hand grip his shoulder and he turned his terror stricken face to glance into Darren’s face.

It was like a mirror, he saw the white lines in the forehead, the eyes dark and frightened looking as he stared into them. The lips were tightly held together, the cracks showing and he could feel a strange chill in his bones, coming through Darren’s hand into his own body.

The locket grew heavy in his hand and he turned once more towards the grave, and the apparition was still there. He almost fainted as he saw it lift one hand up, pointing towards him and then it opened, as if beckoning to him. The hand turned and lay open, palm upwards and the eyes, those damn dark eyes now glittered and sparkled in the sunlight.

Josh was frightened, more than ever before. He had felt at times that he was losing his mind, the way he could sense or see Billy at times; but that was always alone, at night, and yet here he was, in broad daylight with Darren and there stood Billy.

He could see the eyes, the way they looked so dark and ominous and yet as his own blue eyes peered at them, he could feel the love and warmth that Billy was to him. He could feel his heart beating even though it had been stilled a long time ago by a crack head’s bullet.

The cold feeling in his shoulder suddenly grew warmer. It was like an oven had been turned on. He felt the heat travelling into his body, going from bone to bone to reach deep down into his body. His heart started to pound heavily as he stared into Billy’s eyes, while Darren’s hand gripped his shoulder.

He had to be losing his mind, that was the answer. It was all the stress from work, from facing Darren last night, and from not sleeping, that was it, or was it? His heart said no, it wasn’t, his mind begged it to be so but finally his soul settled it for both of them.

Josh lay there, stunned as he saw his own shadowy figure leave him and walk forward, the locket in its hand and he started to tremble with fear. He looked over at Darren and instead of seeing fear he felt a strange over powering sense of love. He looked into the eyes and they sparkled, just as Billy’s used to moments before he would find some way to make him moan with desire.

Josh couldn’t understand it. There was a dark figure leaving the tree, walking towards Billy’s outstretched figure and yet he was being

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drawn towards Darren, not towards Billy.

He felt his chin being lifted upwards by Darren’s finger and he found his face close to his own. He could see the tiny cracks along Darren’s mouth, the way they formed little wiggly lines and he looked up at the nose, seeing its sides breathing in and out with each breath that Darren took. The eyes fluttered as they gazed down into his own blue eyes and suddenly they connected.

The wall of pain and resistance was gone. His eyes suddenly seemed to open fully and he felt a strong rush of warmth push deep into him. He could feel his groin stirring as Darren’s eyes bore into his own freshly opened eyes.

The thought of, ‘it was like when Billy first gazed into him’ passed before him, and a small twinge in his heart seemed to threaten the hold of Darren’s eyes; but then a strange soft whispering voice echoed in his head, telling him that love was always the same, always different and that it was okay to love fully and to feel fully.

Josh closed his eyes and felt the soft touch of Darren’s lips against his own. He felt the warmth of the lips, the fullness of them against his own shivering mouth and then he felt two strong arms grab hold of his own shivering limbs and he felt the deep passion coming from Darren flow into his own body.

The trembling stopped as the hands held him tight. He could feel the heat as it travelled deep into his soul and where there had been emptiness, a missing piece, he felt a strange new power growing there. Where darkness had dwelled for so many years, he could feel light starting to shine within.

He opened his eyes to see Darren, and his thoughts no longer rested on the dark shadowy figure walking towards the grave. He reached out with his hand, to touch Darren’s face and as it did, he felt his lips open fully, to let Darren inside.

His tongue roared past the open lips, to taste and explore the mouth like it never had before. He licked the upper palette, tasting the roof of Josh’s mouth and felt his lungs gasp for air as he forced his tongue down the back of the throat.

Darren’s body started to tremble with desire as he held tightly onto Josh’s body, feeling the waves of excitement going to and fro between them both. It was unsettling to his mind and yet his heart seemed to over rule it, and force him to go further. Darren could feel his penis growing hard inside of his shorts, and he could feel a strong ache growing in his rectum as he kissed Josh deeply and fully.

His hands fumbled as they started to roam across Josh’s body. He could feel the heart beating wildly inside the chest as his one hand caressed the left nipple, he could feel its hardness even through the cotton shirt that Josh wore and yet he knew it was twitching with his

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touch. His other hand roughly pressed the groin, feeling the jerking of Josh’s hard cock underneath the denim of the jeans.

His whole body was now one massive aching blob. There was something purely animal like in his desire for the young blonde man next to him, some sort of unreasoning urge to have him then and there. He looked into the blue eyes and saw the same exact feeling and he knew that this time, there would be no turning back.

Darren moved Josh to the ground, and lay on top of him. He smothered his face with kisses, while his hands moved across the twisting body that seemed to desire nothing more than to become a part of his body.

He could feel Josh’s hands now working on his own trembling body parts and somehow he felt his jeans open and the long thin fingers were now pushing aside his shorts to wiggle their way down into his groin. Darren groaned loudly as the thin fingers pressed up against his hard throbbing cock and then pushed even further downwards to press the hard skin of his balls.

His mouth gurgled with animalistic sounds as his own hands were roaming heavily across the milky white chest of Josh. He was pinching the hard nipples with one hand, while pressing the soft fleshy side with the other hand, making it reach down towards Josh’s bony hip.

Darren felt like some strange lustful angel possessed him. He couldn’t get enough of the young lithe body that writhed underneath his own body. He ached in places he never knew could ache as his hands continued their wanton exploration of Josh’s body. It wasn’t all a one way affair either.

Josh’s own hands moved like a possessed demon the way they grabbed and pulled at the hard man muscles on top of him, the way they shoved and pulled at the firm flesh, feeling it move and give and always come back for more.

His hands knew no boundary as they reached deep inside of the jeans to fondle and caress the hot throbbing cock and dangling balls. Josh could feel his head getting dizzy and all thoughts of others, even of Billy, no longer intruded on his wild passion.

The breathing was like two wild animals in the middle of the plains, grunting and groaning as they each sought for that golden moment, that special place where they could finally unburden their own passionate desires.

Darren could feel his balls tightening up around the root of his hard throbbing penis. He knew he had only seconds before he would be unable to contain himself. He let out a loud groan and just as he did he felt a strange presence deep in his soul. He felt like someone was walking through his entire body, the pain was intense and yet very desirable. He couldn’t hold on and he could feel the blood draining

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from every outer extremity.

Josh couldn’t believe the way his body was contorting under the wanton lust that had invaded his being. He couldn’t stop himself from moaning and gurgling as he strove to touch every part of Darren. There was nothing he didn’t want to feel, he wanted it all and every part of his body strove to give him just that.

He could feel the strange heat coming from without, the way it just covered him and slowly permeated into every part of his body. The way his blood suddenly seemed to get hotter, the way his lungs contracted in a desperate struggle for air all made him only want more. He could feel an unusual pain that hurt but felt so exciting. His hands couldn’t stop their frantic pulling and prodding of Darren’s man flesh. He could feel the vein swelling with each touch of his fingers and the scent was over powering to his nostrils.

A loud cry made his whole body shake and his hand twitched as it felt the sudden force of hot cream cascading into the palm. He shook more as another hot load of Darren’s milk came flooding out to send the first wave even further up his hand and arm.

His legs bucked as he felt the warmth and the noise only made him strive to get more of the fresh hot juice. His whole body was quivering as Darren released his load and it made his heart beat even faster and more uncontrollable.

Suddenly he felt his hand pushed away and his eyes fluttered briefly as the sensation of holding the hard throbbing penis was taken away from him. It was like suddenly going blind even though his eyes were clutched tightly closed.

Just as he started to feel an overwhelming sense of panic he felt Darren’s hands pushing at his groin. He felt a strange stickiness against his cheeks and he breathed in deeply, smelling that fresh aroma of man milk and he knew that Darren had moved his body so his exposed cream covered groin was now at Josh’s head.

Just as the realization hit him, he felt a sudden warmth explode around his own groin. The heat was intense as it quickly travelled up his own quivering pole, right past his balls and up his spine towards his quivering heart. The heat overpowered him, and his already hard pumping heart merely raced ahead faster as it dawned on him that his throbbing cock was now buried deep within Darren’s mouth.

Josh could feel his balls rubbing against Darren’s unshaved face, the bristles scratching the rough surface of his scrotum and he let out a loud drawn out cry of pure joy as his pubic hairs brushed firmly against Darren’s face.

The whole feeling was too much for him. The empty space in his soul was suddenly filled with a heart wrenching fullness that threatened to overtake his entire body. His mind reeled under the sudden joy that

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filled him as his body wriggled and shook to the intense pleasure that was rolling through it.

His legs were taut, no longer under any sort of control. His toes arched down and out towards Billy’s grave and his hands were flat out at either side, thumping the soft green grass into submission. His head tossed to and fro as Darren’s mouth moved up and down on his throbbing cock, licking under the head, filling the pee slit with its roughness, then running down the underside, pushing hard against the thick swollen vein that seemed to only grow larger with each lick, with each touch of the possessed tongue.

Josh was unable to contain himself, he could feel his balls slapping the underside of his cock and his legs were now thundering their own accord as they shook hard against the unyielding ground. His eyes fluttered and he managed to open them briefly to stare down at the scene.

He saw the tanned body, the flat washboard stomach of Darren and the rippling muscles of his belly as they contracted in unison with each movement of his wonderful head. That thin face, moving up and down on his pole made his heart quake in anticipation and he could see his toes bend in a totally unnatural position as his body ached in eager anticipation.

Josh’s eyes travelled downwards where two smiling figures stood, silhouetted against the golden yellow of the day’s sun. It was surreal, as he saw his own image standing next to that of Billy. Both were smiling, gazing down at him and Darren locked in a passionate embrace of immense proportions. He could see Billy’s smile and his heart jumped ahead with it and then raced forward as his balls were tight up against his shaft, aching and throbbing to the pressure of Darren’s mouth.

He could see his own image, grinning from ear to ear as it watched him unleash his muscles, uncoiling them to thrash with wild abandon on the hill top above. His eyes started to mist over as he glanced once more at the two images and he saw them, their hands joined together and between the clenched hands, he saw it, the bright rays of the sun catching it, making it glitter and shine.

Josh could feel his body exploding outwards. His hips thrust high up in the air, forcing his hard cock further into Darren’s throat. He could feel the cock head as it jerked hard inside of that eager sucking vacuum that was Darren’s throat; and with that last glance, he saw the golden rays shining around the locket, grasped firmly in the two hands, dangling between them, forever locked in place, never to be lost, forever joining the two images into one being.

As the rays of the sun grew from around the locket, and as his own body shook to its massive release of wild passion, Josh knew that he would be safe and loved in the arms of the one who had been meant for

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him all along, he knew that in Darren, he had found what he had needed. He had found, once more, true love.

Rent Boy - Chapter 12

Chapter 12

What the mind of man can conceive and believe,

The mind of man can achieve.

Napoleon Hill

Gordon was tossing and turning. His mind was refusing to let him sleep; he kept hearing his name and his heart was starting to ache. He could feel himself sweating as he tried to remain lost in sleep. Suddenly an image all draped in red appeared in his sleep-shrouded brain and he woke up screaming.

He couldn’t believe it, his heart had to be going a thousand beats per second, and his pulse was racing as he tried to calm himself. He looked around and found that Josh had left.

He was a bit saddened by that; for a moment he had thought that maybe, just maybe, Josh was finally turning the corner on his grief. He felt unsettled though, as he thought of the pale young man, the one who had crawled into his bed, what, only a few hours ago, judging by the clock radio.

Gordon felt chilled, yet there was a warm breeze blowing in off the bay. He could see the drapes flowing gently in the summer breeze, yet he felt cold, as if something was wrong.

He lay there, going over everything of this past week, of how Josh had barely eaten, had barely even spoke despite his best attempts. He even ignored Manuel’s chatter, which was unusual for Josh. Yet today had been different, he had almost seemed happy, well, no that wasn’t the word, maybe more at peace would best describe it.

He had eaten well, too, almost like his old young self and that was certainly a step in the right direction, wasn’t it? So why was he feeling like something was terribly wrong? Why did he have this icy cold fear gripping at his heart now?

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Gordon got up from his bed and walked over to the window, to glance out. He saw the stars but something seemed wrong, they didn’t glitter for him, instead they seemed shrouded in a grey mist, yet the bay was clear, no fog was coming in.

He glanced back up to see the moon, and even that was misted over. As he stared towards the heavens, his heart felt heavier, like an impending doom was about to happen. Damn, he couldn’t handle any more bad news, not now, not when he had so much to do, so much to take care of.

The chill was penetrating his bones. He could feel it deep inside of them; even his penis was shrivelled up deep within his body, something that rarely happened to him. He stood there and shivered and reached out to his night chair, to grab his robe and wrap himself up in it. He huddled within the warm fibres, yet he still could feel his body trembling with cold.

Gordon looked around the room, feeling out of place, as if he wasn’t supposed to be here. The unease grew in the pit of his stomach as he walked around his room, trying to warm up and also trying to find the source of his discomfort.

Finally he found himself out in the hallway of the upper level. He had on his slippers and socks plus a pair of jeans, in an effort to warm him. The hallway was dark, only small shadows danced along the walls from the tiny night lights that dotted the lower portion of the walls. Yet, as he stared down the long empty passage, he felt the chill grow inside of him.

Clutching the robe tightly around him, he walked softly down the hall, towards the guest rooms. He wondered why the house was so cold, so empty feeling. The small lights looked dim in the dark of night, yet he never remembered them that way before. As he passed by the stairway he felt an urge to merely run down the stairs and leave.

He had never felt so alone before; nothing had ever made him feel this lonely, this desirous of hearing another’s voice. Stopping at the head of the stairs, he battled the sudden urge to leave his home. Now he knew something was wrong, nothing could ever make him want to leave and yet here was this insane desire to run.

Somehow he summoned up his strength and proceeded down the hallway towards their room. He could barely see down the passageway but he knew he had to continue. It was like a magnet pulling at him, he just had to go there now that he had discarded the idea of running.

Coming from the other end he saw a candlelight flickering and he knew that Manuel was making his nightly sojourn. He glanced at his Rolex and saw that tonight Manuel was earlier than usual. Maybe the sudden chill in the house spooked him, too. Gordon waited by the doorway to their room, waiting for Manuel to reach him.

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“The house, it is in pain Master Gordon, do you feel it?”

“In pain, the house? What are you talking about Manuel, it is cold but… maybe the heating system is on the fritz.”

“No Sir, it is the house, it cries, please Sir, is Master Josh okay? I have never felt the house like this before.”

Gordon stared into the weathered old face of his faithful servant. For many years they had been together, and always Manuel had been like a rock. He could see the fear in his eyes; hell he could taste it himself.

The mention of Josh’s name made him cringe suddenly, even as he stared deep into Manuel’s eyes, he knew that he spoke the truth. The house was indeed crying out to them. He glanced to the door, a pale golden glow seemed to be coming right through the two solid wooden doors and turned to face Manuel, to see if he too saw the golden glow. Instead all he saw was Manuel waiting his orders. There was no sign that he had seen the sudden burst of gold come through the doors. Gordon turned back to the doorway, feeling a sense of warmth enter his body. He could hear voices, and he could feel pain and terror too.

Whateverlay behind that door was not something he wished to see, yet he reached out with his one hand to grab the door handle. As it touched the metal, he felt a burning heat scorch his hand, causing him to yelp in pain and rear back in astonishment.

“What is it Master Gordon?” Manuel asked.

Gordon turned to his faithful servant, and in a shaking voice he issued his instructions.

“Call 911 Manuel, get an ambulance here immediately then bring me some towels… hurry.”

With those words barely from his lips Gordon pushed open the door to enter the room. Inside he saw the body of Josh lying prone on the bed, a dark patch spreading around the waist and an eerie glow filled his eyes. There were shadowy shapes floating across the room, asif they were waiting for him.

With his heart in his throat, he approached the bed, fearful of what he knew he was going to see. He carefully approached the bed to see the darkening pool turn red before his eyes. Even in the darkness of the night he knew it was Josh’s blood.

His heart stopped, his hand clutched at his chest willing it to beat once more, not to fail him now. Suddenly all of his years of fear and loneliness seemed to well up inside of him, immobilizing him when action was most needed. But then, that was the story of his life; he always failed when it was time to be counted.

He started to shake from his fear, the vision of Josh laying there, his life blood slowly draining from his young body stunned him, made him cower within his own frame. Gordon was powerless to help, the

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fear of his entire life, that controlling fear had gripped him once again.

“Oh God, help me,” he cried out into the darkness, sobbing now as he struggled to regain his composure; but instead, he staggered backwards, hitting his backside against the bureau. He felt the solid wood against his spine, causing him some pain but nothing like what was tearing at his soul this very second.

Tears clouded his eyes and his hands covered them, trying to hide the sight before him. His whole body quivered from his fear and once more he felt himself sliding down. He could feel the brass knobs of the bureau rub against his back as his legs started to give out from under him and his massive bulk started to succumb to nature’s gravity.

Just as he was about to fall beyond the point of no return a soft golden light filled the room. He stopped his motion, finding alast ounce of strength to support his weight. His hands dropped to his side and he watched in awe as the room gradually filled with a strange golden cloud or mist.

He could see it waft around the bed covering it in its pale yellow and then start to move outwards, to fill the entire bedroom with its willowy golden pallor. Frightened, he backed up, his legs finding more strength to raise his girth to stand up hard against the dresser bureau.

The golden mist grew, coming closer to him like a spider’s web, it floated across the room, sweeping aside the darkness and the gloom that had filled the chamber. It reached out, and gradually he could feel it wrap its tendrils around his own shivering body.

The chill in his bones seemed to be suddenly cleansed from him. He no longer felt like he was in the Arctic circle, and his body seemed to gain strength. He looked outwards; letting the pale yellow mist cover him and suddenly he heard a soft voice echo in his ears.

“Cast aside your fear and have trust in me my son.”

The words were ever so soft, ever so quiet in his ears. He could barely distinguish them. They didn’t stop though, the words seemed to gain life and spread through his entire body. He could feel them, as if they were made of a solid material. He could feel them gain strength as they travelled within his body, reaching his legs, his toes, his arms, his hands, even his fingers.

Every hair on his amble body seemed to come alive as the words passed by them, making them stand tall and straight. His whole body suddenly felt alive again, a strange sound came from his lips as he found himself moving from the bureau towards the bed.

As he walked forward, the light grew brighter and his resolve grew stronger. He could feel his blood boiling inside of him, feel it course through his body like it had never done before. Each step brought him new power, new strength as the words grew in volume now, they filled his lungs with fresh sweet air, making him grow even more purposeful.

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His heart seemed to gather itself and beat strong and steady now as if it was the heart of a child.

The muscles in his body coiled anew, fresh and invigorated, ready for a marathon race that only 20 year olds could run. The words boomed now in his head, filled it with its love, its faith and he knew now that he could do this.

He was at the bed, at Josh’s side and he saw the blood still dripping out of his hands. With a surprising strength he reached across and took the pillow case off the pillow, shredding it into two. He placed one of these pieces on each upper arm of the limp body, knowing that it was in time.

Gordon then sat on the bed and gently lifted up the two young blood drenched arms, to keep them higher up and to lessen their demand on the young heart that was still beating.

“It is going to be okay Josh, I promise you, I won’t let you go, you are going to survive this, we are here with you now.”

He had no idea why he spoke, but as his words left his mouth he felt a great sense of relief in his own heart. The panic was gone; the fear of his failures no longer clouded him, his body felt fresh and alive, ready to fight the days battles.

Gordon waited as heard the far off shrill of the ambulance siren, knowing that help was seconds away now. He looked down and saw a strange smile cross the pale face. Still holding his hands high, Gordon bent down and lightly kissed the lips of the young man. He could feel the life still flowing inside and he knew that it would be okay.

Tears rolled down his face as he heard the urgent rush of feet coming up the stairs. He glanced upwards, watching the golden light slowly disappear upwards, and he mouthed a silent thank you.

As the word left his lips, a soft hand reached down from out of the golden light and brushed away his tears, and rested briefly on the side of his face. Gordon felt a strange peace enter his body, a strange calm seemed to take charge over him and for the first time in his entire life, he knew he would never be alone again. He had been found.

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The last few hours had been a mass of discussions, pleas, and down right bribes but Gordon had been a man possessed. Nothing stood before him that he couldn’t conquer and he had finally won the day.

The police would not pursue any action; they had agreed to leave it to him and his family physician. The local hospital doctors had been calmed and the restraints they had placed on Josh’s body had been removed.

His own family doctor had been quelled by his resolve and had acquiesced in Gordon’s demands. He had moved mountains in a few short hours and now here he sat, next to his ward, in a private room.

A private nurse sat further away, in her own corner, reading a book. Every now and then she would get up to adjust the tubes and check the vital signs, and each time she did she saw the old man glance at her, smile and return to stare at the young face. She didn’t know why she was even here, but for $100 an hour she didn’t question the request.

Gordon sat there, every now and then he would glance around the room, wondering if all that had happened was real, but the tubes sticking out of Josh showed him just how real it had been. He still felt like he could climb Mt. Everest, the adrenalin still pumping through his aged body as daylight broke and the day began anew.

It really was something to watch the golden orb of the sun rise up out of the deep darkness of the night, to cast its brilliance over the land as it rose majestically up from out of the night.

Doctors came and went throughout the morning, and he briefly took a nap before waking once again to regain his vigil. He knew he needed to be awake for when Josh woke up out of his sleep. The doctors had told him how lucky he had been, that he was minutes from having bled out and that only the strange action of his had saved the young boy’s life.

The nurse had changed, a new one sat in her corner, reading just like the other one. She was merely a fixture in the room and he was oblivious to her until it was her time to check. Then he was attentive, making sure that nothing untoward had occurred.

“Are you Gordon?” a voice asked from the doorway.

Gordon glanced over to see a tall young man standing in the doorway, dressed in black shirt with a starched white collar.

“Yes, you are?”

“I am Father Leery, the hospital chaplain.”

“Oh, what can I do for you Father?”

“I understand our young friend there tried to commit suicide, I am here to offer him some counselling, to help you cope with this tragedy.”

“Tragedy? You don’t understand Father, he is alive, there is no tragedy in that.”

“Well, yes, but he did try to take his own life, didn’t he?”

“True, but we are quite capable of handling that, I am sure he won’t be doing that again.”

“I see you are RC, but there is nothing listed for our friend there… is he?”

“Father, no disrespect, but his name is Josh, as I am sure you know, and what difference does it make what religious order he follows? He is still a child of God.”

“Uh, well… yes I am sure he is, one who is in need of guidance

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none the less.”

“Guidance? What is it you are trying to say Father?”

“His soul is in danger Mr. Uh? Your last name is?”

“Grayson Father, Gordon Wentworth Grayson, the second, if you want the full name.”

“Oh, of the Grayson’s from Texas? Those Grayson’s?”

“Yes, but that was a long time ago, now what is it you wish to say Father?”

“Well, yes, uh, your friend is in need of spiritual help Mr. Grayson, he has committed a mortalsin against God and only luck prevented him from joining an eternity of pain and sorrow.”

“Says you Father, personally it is by God’s hand that he is still with us, and had it not been God’s will, then he would be with him now. Sorry Father, but I do not accept your interpretation of how God works.”

“Well, that is why I am a priest Mr. Grayson, it is my duty, no my calling to show you the ways of God.”

“Father, uh Leery is it? Yes, well I am a member of the church, have been for a long time and my pastor will tend to our spiritual needs, thank you for your concern, but really we are fine.”

“Well, as you wish, it is just we have so many who come through these doors that never survive, and those who do manage to survive, do so by sheer luck and fate. I would hate to see him throw away this opportunity.”

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“Yes, well as I said Father, he was not brought back to us by luck, you may call it that; I prefer to call it by God’s will, and again, thank you for your concern, but really you can’t help us.”

“Well, I am required by law to meet with all patients who have attempted suicide, it is part of my job I am afraid.”

“Yes? Well Father you won’t be meeting with Josh.”

“I am afraid Mr. Grayson you don’t really have a say in that, it is hospital policy and as I said, I am required to by law.”

“Well the District Attorney says you won’t, Father, and the Hospital Administrator will confirm that for you later in the day… now good day Father.”

The priest left the room, obviously distraught but none the less, Gordon had once again protected his charge. No one was going to try and foist some out dated concept on his ward. Not even the blasted Pope if it came down to that.

The day dragged on for Gordon, and he could see colour returning to Josh’s face as his body was slowly replenished of its blood supply. The red plastic bag continued to dangle from the above the bed, and he could see Josh starting to move more as the afternoon wore on.

“Well Gordon… Here you are.”

“Huh? Well, about time old friend, what took you so long?”

“Just as ornery as ever aren’t you?”

“No, no my old friend, not at all, thank you for coming, I am sorry, it has been a long night and day.”

“Yes, so I hear, you have been a holy terror around here, throwing your weight around like it was confetti. So, how is he?”

“Good, he is still sleeping. The doctors figure he’ll sleep most of the night through given the amount of blood he lost.”

“Yes, it is a shame, but thank God you were able to slow down the process until help arrived.”

“I only did what I was told Mike… uh, maybe we should step outside to talk.”

“Well… it is more private here, maybe the nurse could excuse us?”

“Yes, yes, Ms, would you mind, the Father and I wish to talk alone.”

“Certainly Sir.”

The nurse left quickly, not sure what the hell was going on. She had heard how this fat man who hovered over the young boy had dealt with the hospital pastor, and now here was another of them in the room, but this one seemed to be a friend. Well, not for her to question anyway, and she wasn’t due to check anything for another hour, so she left and headed off to get a coffee.

“You know how I have always been no good in a crisis Mike?”

“Well now I wouldn’t say that exactly…”

“Don’t flatter me Mike, you know I fall apart each time that there is a major crisis…”

“Well, okay, yes to a point, but you handled yourself fine when that young man got shot, and now with this young man…”

“No, I didn’t handle myself well, I fell apart as usual, ever since I found my Mother dead in her room, I have never been able to cope, you know that Mike.”

“Yes, okay fine, but what does that have to do with anything now? You performed beyond measure with this young man.”

“Do you believe in divine intervention Mike?”

“What kind of priest would I be if I didn’t Gordon, but surely… now come on Gordon.”

“I swear Mike… it is the truth I merely did what I was told.”

“Told? Who told you? Who else was in the room with you Gordon? Manuel?”

“God… least that is who I think it was.”

“Well now Gordon, I am sure God was with you, he always is with us, but come on now…”

“No Mike, not like that… Mike I swear, I didn’t know what to do, hell I didn’t even know there was anything wrong and yet I sent Manuel

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to call 911 before I even opened the door to the room.”

“Okay, so you had a premonition of danger, you acted well, why are you so bothered by this?”

“Don’t you see? He was there Mike, I can’t explain it, other than that there was this light, sort of, sort of not, it was the most eerie feeling I have ever had, yet instead of panicking, I felt calm, I felt at ease, and I just knew what to do, like there was this voice in my head telling me, guiding me onwards… and Mike…”

“Yes?”

“Mike, I am not afraid anymore, I know that I have hidden from my life, from everything, but no more. The light, I just can’t explain this.”

“This light? Are you sure it simply wasn’t a light reflection from one of the lamps in the room?”

“No Mike, it was no reflection. It confused me Mike, scared me at first, but it reached out, it held me. Mike am I losing my mind?”

“Hmm, no Gordon, I think though that stress has a way of inducing some of these visions, I just don’t know. It is something the Church has tried to explain but rarely is there a satisfactory answer.”

“In other words you have no answers either.”

“True, did you expect any?”

“No, no I guess I didn’t. There is another matter though Mike, one I need your help on, but first, well first I need to know where you stand on attempted suicide?”

“Stand? I am opposed to the taking of a life, no matter the method, but that isn’t what you mean is it?”

“No, as a spiritual counsellor, how would you approach the subject?”

“Is this about our young friend there?”

“Yes, there is a bureaucratic regulation that requires some form of counselling.”

“And the hospital pastor isn’t to your liking?”

“HELL NO, HE AS Much, sorry, no he isn’t right, he’s too wrapped in the word of the church, least… well…”

“Well, you certainly are full of surprises tonight my friend, how do I answer you? I really don’t know… maybe the way is to say that the Church frowns on suicide, now don’t get on your high horse, hear me out.”

“Okay.”

“Good, as I was saying the Church frowns on suicide per se, personally I feel that there is a great deal of room in scriptures for a priest to work. I think that suicide is a tortured soul crying out for help, to the last person who can possibly help, and that is the Lord.

“I don’t know, I have no idea why a person would want to commit

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such a horrible deed, unless they were indeed tortured beyond toleration. I think that they have sought other solutions; I mean most suicides are not a spur of the moment thing, it is built up to in stages, least that is how I see it.

“What happens is sometimes the signs are just too normal, too routine for us to recognize, and so the person feels unaided, alone, and desperate and they seek an end to their pain on this earth.

“That said I couldn’t believe in a God who would turn his back on any of his children, no matter their crime on this earth or of their sins against him. I don’t follow that a person is condemned to an eternal wondering in space for taking their own life, I just can’t imagine any God of Love being that cruel to his children.

“Does that help you Gordon?”

Gordon sat there, his hands up to his face as he thought it all over. He was certain that something had happened to him, how did he know to have Manuel call 911? How did he know that Josh was even in trouble, never mind how to slow down his possible demise?

“Yes, I think in some ways it does.”

“So, you want me to handle the counselling?”

“Yes, if you will Mike, I would appreciate it.”

“And what about you my friend? Can I come and talk with you too?”

“Me? Why me?”

“Oh but you are as much a victim in this as that poor young man, maybe talking can help?”

“Help? Help what Mike? Help to understand how God can take one and save another? No, I am not angry, but I don’t like it, but I also have no choice but to trust in him, so, help Mike? No, but yes I would like to talk more with you.”

Father Mike looked at his friend with his head cocked to one side. There was a change in the man, something he hadn’t noticed before. Gordon had always been bluster and bluff, but when things came down to a crisis, he was nothing more than a whining child unsure of himself. Yet now, now he seemed to suddenly have changed. There was self-assurance, something he hadn’t ever seen in his friend before.

Whatever happened in that room had definitely changed his friend and for the better it seemed. He was pleased by the change too, because he knew deep down that Gordon was really a very nice man. There was no doubt God moved in mysterious ways.

“Well my friend, I should leave, have you had any rest yet? Would you like me to stay a bit while you get some rest?”

“Rest? No, no I haven’t really, I… I don’t know, I should stay here Mike, he needs to see me when he wakes up.”

“Well, making yourself sick isn’t going to help him much, now is

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it old friend? And besides the doctor’s say he will be sleeping for several more hours, so come on, why don’t you go out into the lounge and stretch out?”

“I know you are here Gordon,” a small frail voice echoed from the far end of the room. Both the Priest and Gordon turned to see a wide awake Josh in the bed, staring at them.

Gordon rushed to his side, and picked up his hand, holding it close to his face, kissing it and bubbling with pure joy.

“OH Josh, I am so sorry.”

“Gordon… No, I am the one… Oh Gordon, I don’t know how to… I mean am I nuts?”

“No, no my boy you aren’t nuts, you have had a bad time but now everything is going to be alright.”

“Yes, I know it is… Gordon, he really does love me, you know?”

“He? Who Josh?”

“Billy, he really does love me. I never realized it before he made me come back, but now I know.”

“Billy made you come back? Josh are you delirious? What are you saying?”

“It was him, I know it sounds crazy Gordon, maybe I am Looney, but they both made me come back, I was such a fool, I…”

“Both?”

“Yes, there was this strange voice, it had a ring of steel to it, yet it felt so soft when it wrapped around me, and he had such gentle hands, they were like… I can’t explain it.”

“Hush, you are tired, you lost a great deal of blood Josh.”

“I know, but you saved me Gordon, just like he said you would.”

“He?”

“The voice, he told me to hang on, to cling to my love and wait for you, he was right, he really was.”

Gordon turned to look at his old friend, Father Mike, and saw tears rolling down his face. He really didn’t understand why until he turned back to Josh, and saw him smiling. There was a strange sense of peace around him, a strange glow that seemed to come from within. A soft golden hue was reflected on the pillow and both Gordon and the Priest turned to the window to see if it was the sun, both knowing it wasn’t.

Rent Boy - Chapter 11

Chapter 11

There is no death, only a change of worlds.

Native American Proverb

The morning broke through the darkened room, Gordon sleeping in the chair, his hand still touching that of Josh’s. The light made him blink and squirm in the chair as he opened his eyes to see the day’s beginnings. His heart still ached, but he felt that at least now he had a chance to still make it right. The pendent still lay in Josh’s hand, the tiny silver trinket that somehow had shone beyond its worth last

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night.

He shook his head, not sure if what his mind was telling him really happened. There was no explanation for it, but something had foundits way into his soul to give him the strength and the words to say. Gordon stared down at Josh’s sleeping figure, seeing the dark bruises around the eyes, seeing the drawn cheeks as he breathed regularly. His heart ached for the young boy, and he knew that last night’s release was only temporary, for them both. They still had today to face.

As Gordon climbed into his bed, he thought about this last week, and how slowly and painful it had been. At times he thought Josh was coming around, least there was hope. Today he had actually eaten pretty normally, but other than dinner tonight, Josh had more or less stopped eating.

For the most part, Josh had remained sullen, his eyes never far from filling with grief, never far from hardening in some deep dark thought as he went through the motions of existing. Gordon had found him in odd places too, like he was searching for something.

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As Gordon crawled into his bed, he wondered if Josh would ever return to the vibrant young man who had first crossed his threshold. He also wondered if he would ever get over the feeling of despair that haunted him as he too walked the seemingly empty house.

Funny, he was so used to living alone, just him and Manuel, and yet ever since Billy and Josh had arrived that morning, the house had seemed fuller, more alive. Now, it seemed cold and forbidding, as if it, too, was in mourning for that sweet laughter that was Billy.

The door to his room opened and he turned his face to see the silhouette of Josh in the doorway. There was something different about Josh, the way he stood erect, not slouched over as he had been all week.

“Something wrong Josh?”

“No… Gordon… I don’t want to be alone tonight.”

“Well… uh… okay come on in.”

Josh moved into the room, his bathrobe carefully wrapped around his tall angular frame. He softly walked up to the bed, his eyes swivelling, taking in every aspect of the ornate bedroom that was Gordon’s.

“I am sorry Gordon… it is just that tonight, well, I just want some company… can I lay here with you awhile?”

Gordon felt a lump in his throat, the way the soft voice was pleading with him. He felt so needed at that moment, something he had never really felt before. His hands trembled slightly as he opened the blankets up, to let Josh slip in.

Josh tossed his bathrobe off, revealing his perfectly tanned body to Gordon’s aged eyes. There were still some bruises, visible even now a week later. Quietly and slowly he climbed into the large king sized bed and snuggled himself in, moving his lanky frame to lay against Gordon’s portly body.

He could feel the warmth of Gordon’s skin and he could even hear his heart skipping a beat as he wrapped himself up next to Gordon. Josh placed one arm around the massive chest of Gordon and nestled his head on top of Gordon’s shoulder.

“You feeling all right Josh?” Gordon asked softly, his arm wrapped around Josh’s thin shoulder. He felt cold, almost clammy like as if he had been in a cold sweat. His heart had skipped a beat as his body felt the young boy’s legs cover his, his arms move around his ample girth.

“Yeah, I just needed to be held, you don’t mind do you?”

“No Josh, I don’t mind, you know… Hell… you know how I feel about you… you get some sleep, I am here.”

“Thanks Gordon, I know you are here…”Gordon…”

“Yes.”

“Thanks for everything, okay?”

“Thanks? Oh… okay, well you are welcome my young friend.”

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“I mean it Gordon, you don’t know how much this last week has meant to me, your consideration and well… your friendship.”

“Hush now Josh… it really isn’t anything… you are a special friend… I only wish I could do more.”

“No… there really isn’t anything more you can or could of done. You have to know that.”

Gordon felt slightly uneasy with the conversation. It was difficult, there was so many emotions running through his mind at the same time. He could smell the shampoo scent from Josh’s hair that was nestled under his chin, and yet he felt strangely cold.

He didn’t understand it, Josh’s voice had a surprising strength to it, yet for the most part of this last week he had barely uttered two words together before breaking down in tears. Now he seemed to be at ease, calm and collected, almost like his old self again.

“I am always going to be here for you Josh… no matter what, you do know that?”

“Yes Gordon…”

They lay there, lost in the darkness, each with their own thoughts racing through their minds. Gordon felt uneasy, and yet finally his chest started moving in a steady rhythm. His eyes were closed; a soft whistle escaped his lips every now and then as he drifted off into a deep sleep.

Josh could feel the change in Gordon’s breathing and he waited. He counted the time left, waiting as he felt the steady rise and fall of Gordon’s chest beneath his head. He really wasn’t a bad guy, he certainly had changed, but then so had he.

Carefully, when he was sure that Gordon was fast asleep, he removed himself from his side, standing briefly at the side of the bed, looking down at the sleeping old man. He had done so much for them, for him and Billy. It really wasn’t fair to him, but he had no choice.

Softly he walked back to his room, where he stood at its threshold, looking at the dark room. He glanced to the bed, recalling how Billy had made him lay down then slowly undressed, then he saw the time when Billy had come home all beaten from a bad trick.

He could see Gordon bustling around taking charge to make sure Billy was comfortable, how he felt like it had been his fault that Billy was hurt. He could even hear Billy joking about it. Josh glanced over to the desk in the far corner, and remembered how they had sat there, planning their future together.

Slowly he walked over the desk, where he saw the pendent laying on the table. Beside it lay his note, and he glanced down, his hand running lightly over the high quality paper, and he saw his halting scrawl across the pure white vellum. Tears formed at the corner’s of his eyes as he reread what he put down.

It had taken him most of the evening to write, but he felt he had

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done it right. Everything that needed to be said was said in that letter. He picked up the pieces of paper and folded them in half, then stuffed them in the long envelope. As he pushed the paper inside, he felt a slight chill enter the room. He shivered briefly, as the tears started to roll down his cheeks.

“Soon, soon it will be as it was meant to be,” he whispered into the dark stillness of the night.

Josh picked up the pendent and brought it up to his lips. He felt it as he kissed the cold metal, a strange burning sensation flowed through his body and he shivered with the strange feeling. The tears rolled down but he quickly wiped them away with the back of his hand. He took the pendent and lovingly placed it within the envelope with the paper.

He thought his hands would be trembling by now, yet they were as steady as a rock, as he sealed the envelope and addressed it. He walked over to the bed, and placed it up against the ticking clock radio on the nightstand. Josh sighed deeply as his hand ran over the pillow where he and Billy had lain. He felt so at peace at this moment in time, he wished it had been like this.

Josh glanced upwards, as if he could see the stars or the heavens through the ceiling. Instead all he could see was the darkness, the deep dark emptiness that was his life. With methodical precision he proceeded to dress himself, putting on clean clothes and then he took the small razor from his bureau.

He looked at it for a few minutes, turning it over in his hand, then he looked around the room, seeing every spot one more time. One last look as he lay down on the bed, where Billy had lain in his pain that night. He could still smell his scent, his aroma wafted across his nostrils as he clenched his teeth and ran the sharp razor across his wrist.

The pain stung him for a moment. He hesitated as doubts came flooding in, then he saw Billy’s smiling face and he finished the job, doing both wrists and then he just lay there, his eyes closed as he waited for his chance to meet once more with the love of his life.

It was strange, the way he felt suddenly warm all over. The room was still black but he was sure he could see a small light in the corner. He opened his deep blue eyes and he felt like he was floating on a cloud. Nothing seemed to hurt, and he could feel no pain. His heart was pounding in a steady rhythm, yet he felt nothing. His chest didn’t heave with exertion, his ribs didn’t ache from the strain and he saw a dim shape coming into his vision.

“BILLY!” he cried out, and waited. “BILLY IS THAT YOU,” he cried out once more, waiting for the reunion he had sought.

He could feel himself standing, his body draped in a mist and he felt rather strange. He wasn’t dressed, his clothes had disappeared, and he stood in a swirling fog of gray. The shape at the end grew lighter, but

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it wasn’t like he had thought. There was no bright brilliant golden light,

no shining glow to guide him, just a shape in the darkness.

“Billy… Answer me… oh God, Please is that you Billy?”

“Yes… . You aren’t supposed to be here Josh.”

“Oh Billy. Thank God I have found you… why can’t I see you? You are in a fog… please come and get me Billy, I need you.”

“NO JOSHUA, HE CAN’T.”

“Who is that? Billy… help me I am scared. Who is that?”

The voice had echoed around him, the fog had risen and he could barely see the glimmering image of who he thought was Billy. He struggled to run, to raise his feet and move but they felt like they were encased in cement. He couldn’t move, he looked around, hearing the voice echoing like in a large empty room. He reached up to place his hands over his ears but they, too, refused to obey his brain.

“YOU MUST GO BACK JOSHUA,” the voice said.

“NO… I CAN’T,” he yelled back, desperate now in his quest to reach forward. He squirmed in the swirling fog, struggling to free himself.

“BILLY HELP ME,” he called out.

Suddenly the fog stopped its swirling and a deep golden light seemed to surround him. He glanced in every direction to see what was happening, panic gripping his heart as he struggled to free himself from the terrible grey fog.

“You are not meant to be here Joshua,” the voice said softly in his ear. He twisted his head but found no one there. The words, though soft, held a strange tone to them.

“I have to be, don’t you see? Who are you?”

“I am he who has no name,” the voice replied. “I am the one who knew you long before you were even a thought in your mortal parents minds, I am he.”

Josh felt himself falling to his knees as the words floated around him. He felt himself shaking, his body trembling as he struggled with his thoughts.

“Billy help me, please if you love me, help me now… please Billy,” he cried out, his head buried in his hands now, the fog calmed slightly. He could feel a strange warmth and yet he felt chilled. How could he have come this far and fail? Was this how God loved his children, after he made the ultimate sacrifice to reunite with the only love he knew?

“I do love you Josh, you must know that.” The voice was pained; the hurt evident as Josh tried to see into the light mist that shrouded his one time lover.

“Why can’t I see you?” he cried out.

“It is not your time yet to see him Joshua,” the voice commanded.

He was terrified, the loud voice had him cowering amongst the

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mist, yet somehow he found his voice and he stammered out his final plea.

“But I can’t go back, I can’t live without him, Oh Father, Please, I can’t live without him.” His voice trailed away and for a brief second he felt the light grow brighter, the shape grew harder in definition, and he could almost make out Billy’s hair.

“You are not alone my son,” the voice softly said, and once more Josh felt the warmth as it caressed his naked body. He felt a strange glow touch him and he lowered his hands from his face, to stare into a soft golden light that hovered over and around him. He could see the tall silhouette in the distance, knowing that was Billy.

“Please,” he pleaded, his eyes searching the light for the source of the voice.

“I am here Josh,” the silhouette said, the voice clearly Billy’s and he glanced over to see the shape come closer and stop. He reached out with his hand to touch him and felt a strange jolt pass through his body. He shook as he realized that he had reached his destination.

“You will see him when it is your time my son,” the voice spoke.

“I can’t go back, please.”

“I will be with you Josh. You have to trust me.”

“But Billy, oh please, let me stay, say something… please…”

“No, Josh, we had such plans, you and I.”

“But they are gone now. They left when you were taken from me, I can’t go on.”

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“You must, if you love me.”

“How? How can I go on when everywhere I look I see you, I see where we talked, where we kissed; and yet each time, I feel a hole deep inside of me, how can I go on?”

“By knowing that I am with you even now.”

“But you aren’t, oh Billy, I ache so much, it hurts… please, I just want the pain to go away.”

Josh could feel the tears flowing down his cheeks, his breathing was tortured and he could now feel his chest aching. His whole body quaked with his deep sobs as his heart pounded out its deep distress.

A gentle hand ran across his face, wiping away his tears and he stared up into a bright glow of light. He reached up with his hands and felt a strange, almost physical presence hold him. He was wrapped in the light now, his tears no longer flowing, the pain in his heart no longer ached and he felt like he was at peace. He stared out to see Billy’s shadow and he knew that he was smiling.

Slowly he felt himself being lifted off his knees to stand on his own two feet. The fog no longer menaced him, instead it seemed to comfort him as he looked long at the shadow that was Billy.

As he stared ahead, he saw the face change, the darkened shadow no longer hiding the face from him. He could see Billy’s dark hair showing through, a tinge of golden light behind it. Then the forehead took shape and he could see the small red mark by the left eye, the one he kissed briefly that night before Billy had left him for good.

The eyes came into focus, he could see the deep green eyes now, the dark eyelashes fluttered at him and his heart soared upwards. His whole body was glowing now, as he tried to reach out, yet knowing it was futile. Instead he just felt faint, almost to the point of collapse and yet he remained standing, supported by only a deepening golden light.

“I love you Billy,” he managed to say, his voice cracked and desperate. He knew he wasn’t going to be with him now, he knew that his time had not yet come.

“I love you Josh,” the voice said and then the eyes locked onto his. Billy’s dark green eyes narrowed in on the light blue eyes of Josh. They held each other, time no longer existing.

“I am so afraid Billy,” his heart said, and he could feel the answer coming to him from across the swirling mist.

“I know Josh, but I am with you.”

“I know, it is just… I don’t know how I can manage, I need you Billy, I need to feel you, to hold you again, I don’t think I can make it without that.”

“Close your eyes Josh, close them and listen to me.”

Josh did as the words ordered, he closed his eyes and leaned back into the golden light, the light that held him from falling downwards. He felt like he was floating now, brilliant flashes of light seemed to cross across his face and yet his eyes remained tightly shut. Suddenly he could hear the beat of another heart, and he knew that Billy was with him. He breathed a deep sigh and let himself fall further back, knowing that he would not be hurt.

“Yes, I see the Motel” he answered, the voice calmly guiding him in his vision

“Look there Josh, see… Do you see us?”

“Yes.”

“Look at me there Josh, see me waiting for you?”

“Yes, yes I do.”

“Can you smell it?”

“Yes, its that cologne you use, I can smell it Billy, oh God it is so sweet to smell that once again.”

“Reach out Josh, touch me … go on.”

Josh was hesitant, this was unreal. He knew that it had to be a dream, yet it all looked so real, so natural.

His eyes still closed, he hesitantly moved his hand outwards, reaching for Billy’s naked body that lay stretched across the motel room bed. He inched it slowly along the bed, actually feeling the soft cotton

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sheets, as his fingers moved closer.

“Come on Josh, don’t be afraid, touch me.”

“Yes.”

His fingers touched the warm flesh in front of him. He jumped back as they felt the soft skin that was Billy’s body. He could feel him, touch him and yet this wasn’t possible. How could he be touching someone who was dead?

“Go on Josh, don’t be afraid, touch me.”

Josh looked down, saw the shimmering flesh and he could feel the warmth rising up to greet his hand. Trembling, he reached out with his one hand, to touch what was surely an illusion, but as his hand grew closer he could feel the heat grow.

He reared back a bit, yet he could hear the voice telling him to trust him, and it was Billy’s voice. Once more he reached out, his fingers grazing the base of the erect penis, and he could feel the rough skin, the tiny harsh pubic hairs that were surrounding the large pulsing penis.

This couldn’t be, yet it was. He touched and felt a strong jolt of electricity pass up his arm. His fingers could feel a strange warmth as they gently brushed up against the hot flesh.

“Go on Josh, hold it,” the voice urged.

Josh wrapped his fingers around the thick pole, feeling it move under his touch, feeling the blood racing through it, and he felt his heart skip a beat. His breath was taken away as he realized he was physically touching Billy once more.

He brushed the large penis, running his fingers up the hard shaft, feeling the thick vein underneath pulse with each touch of his fingers. He could feel his own heart starting to beat in time with the pulse coming from the hot cock.

“Yes Josh, that’s it, kiss it Josh, kiss it.”

He bent his head forward, following the instructions being whispered into his ear. He leaned forward, pursing his lips and yet he couldn’t close his eyes. His blue eyes were focused on the rising flesh coming closer to his own face.

Josh could see every part of the huge throbbing penis. He saw each vein twitch as blood flowed in it, he saw every tiny hair around it, the way the skin was stretched and etched with lines and wrinkles. Everything was clear to him as his lips came closer to the fiery red eye that was the head of this pulsing penis.

Slowly his lips came closer, and as they touched the head he could taste a sudden saltiness. A searing heat flowed into his mouth down his throat and raced towards his heart.

He knew that taste, it was Billy’s pre-cum, a taste he had thought he would never have again and yet here he was, tasting it once again long after Billy had been lain to rest. The pain of his loss was present in

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his heart but it didn’t ache as much now; the taste and touch of Billy’s hot thick cock was slowing eating away at that pain, slowly driving it from around and from within his heart.

Josh could feel the heat growing inside of him. He kissed the hot cock again, tasting the saltiness around the head, feeling the heat from it course through his body. His limbs lost their feeling and yet his eyes watched the way the body started to shimmer beneath him. The whole flesh was like wrapped in a blanket of hot air.

He pulled back, fear gripping him as he watched the heat shimmer make Billy’s body glisten in his eyes.

“Look up Josh, look at my neck Josh.”

“I am scared Billy.”

“Trust me, now look up at me Josh.”

Slowly he did as he was told, he started to raise his head to stare up at Billy’s face. He took in the shimmering body as his eyes left the huge pulsing penis, he saw the thick bush that had been Billy’s pubic hairs, saw each strand of hair, nestled together. His eyes rose upwards, seeing how the treasure trail led him upwards to the soft pink belly button.

Josh saw the way the soft skin covered and swirled around to form the little hole that was Billy’s belly button. He remembered how he used to kiss it, drive his tongue around the edges, making Billy moan with pleasure and then how he would push hard with his tongue into the centre, making Billy squirm under his face.

Upwards his eyes went, to the flat washboard stomach that rippled with its hidden strength. The way Billy could flex them as he needed and how solid it felt to rest his head against the soft skin and feel the underlying strength that was his Billy.

His heart was dancing inside of him as it dredged up the memories of happier times. Of how much he had loved this wonderful person, of how much it had meant to him to be a part of his life.

Tears rolled down his cheeks unabated as his eyes moved upward to the chest, where dark hair swirled around in all directions. He was amazed at how tiny those hairs really were, and yet how dark they looked when taken in as one.

Upwards he went, and as his eyes took in the growing pectoral muscles, he stopped. He swallowed hard and his breathing became ragged and fear enveloped him. Shimmering it lay there, nestled between the two hard pink nipples of Billy’s chest. It glowed as his eyes focused on it, and he reared back, his mind reeling from the sight that had greeted him.

“How… no…”

“Yes Josh… it is.”

“But… No… I am afraid… oh God…”

“Come Josh, lay on top now… Don’t be afraid, I am here, as I

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always have been, come… lay on top.”

He looked back at the shimmering body that lay on the bed, and he felt his own legs slowly moving him from out of the swirling mist to climb onto the bed. He noticed that it wasn’t anywhere, it was just there: there was no floor, no walls, no lights, yet he could see as if it was high noon on a cloudless day on the prairies.

As he looked down, he saw his legs rest next to Billy’s legs, and then he witnessed them merge together. He couldn’t tell where his legs ended and Billy’s began. His body was slowly becoming a part of the one beneath him.

He glanced up to see the pendent shimmering in the golden light, floating upwards from the hard chest that was Billy’s. He moved himself up, feeling the fully erect penis push up against his rectum as he struggled forward, his hands outstretched to rest his weight, and yet he knew it wasn’t necessary.

“Look at me Josh,” the voice urged him.

Josh was scared. He didn’t know what was happening to him; he was petrified but yet the voice had him slowly raising his head upwards. He could see the firm chin, the tiny cleft in it that he loved so much when he had first found it, in one of his many explorations of Billy’s body.

Then he saw the beginning of his lips, the fullness starting to take shape as his eyes couldn’t stop moving upwards. He could see the hint of white behind the full lips, the perfect white teeth that used to nip at his own erect nipples, the way they would run along the edge of his cock as Billy would take him orally. It all flashed into his mind now, and he sighed deeply, recalling each and every time that he had kissed those soft lips.

Josh found his face moving forward and down, and before he realized it he was kissing the full red lips. He felt a sudden jolt in his heart, and he felt suddenly alive again. His body was arched upwards, but it slowly started to rest on the hot flesh beneath him.

He kissed gingerly at first, then with a mounting urgency as he delved further into the warm mouth. His tongue started pushing up between the firm lips, tasting the salt, the saliva that was there. It was making his heart beat faster as the lips parted to let him enter the cavern of the mouth. The tongue raced inwards, refusing to stop, as it was desperate to once more taste Billy’s mouth.

His eyes fluttered, as he could taste the warmth inside. Despite that, they refused to close, it was as if the eyelids were glued open and he saw the shimmering dark pools come into focus. He knew he was staring deep into Billy’s dark green eyes, but instead he saw himself, he saw his tongue reaching down the throat, tasting the walls. His heart seemed to stop once more, yet it was jolted back as the eyes reflected a deep

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shimmering pool before him. As his eyes delved deeper into the dark pool, he saw himself.

He could see himself lying prone on top of Billy, yet he couldn’t be sure where his body left off and Billy’s began. It was as if the two bodies were slowly becoming one single body. As he looked harder, he could see the pendent between them; it was nestled between their two chests, firmly pressing into his own flesh. He could feel the metal, not cold or forbidding, but warm and inviting.

Memories of their talks flooded his mind as he kissed deeply. He could recall the words as Billy outlined his dream for a house together with some land. How they would raise animals together and of him telling Billy how he wanted to be a business major so he could run a decent art gallery.

He could hear himself with excited breathe tell Billy about his dream to have a shop of his own, where he could even place his own drawings if he wanted. How he would love to be able to draw once again.

Josh could see the two of them sitting by Gordon’s pool in the late sun, as he tried to sketch Billy’s prone body. How he could never finish a picture of Billy, because they always wound up making love long before the picture could be finished.

As his tongue explored the walls of Billy’s throat, he could hear Billy outline his plans to get a cooking degree and maybe they could even open their own restaurant some day, and if Josh got his business degree, he could help manage it.

All of this passed before him in vivid detail as his tongue licked and caressed the inside of Billy’s mouth.

Josh found himself resting more and more on the prone body beneath him. His hands now moved down his own legs, and he reached behind him, to gently pry open his rectum, as he slid his legs up. He had no idea how he was doing this, or why, but he knew he had to.

Helooked deep into the dark pools, seeing the reflection of hislegs moving up, his own penis dripping with pre-cum sliding up the flat washboard stomach of Billy, and of Billy’s own large cock, now dripping its own milky pre-cum as his body lifted itself upwards.

“Yes Josh, yes… now is the time,” the voice whispered urgently into his ear.

Josh reached back, his one hand finding the hot pulsing cock and with surprising speed he was pressing it up against his rectum, feeling the smooth liquid lining his rectal canal.

He could feel Billy’s blood flowing in his body, all of it running through the arms, the legs, the chest, all of it racing towards that already blood gorged cock, and he leaned back, sending his buttocks back and down, taking the huge penis into his rectum in one giant push.

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Josh cried out in sheer joy as the huge cock penetrated him and dove hard and deep inside of him. He groaned loudly as he pushed down harder, sending the huge pulsing