Target
Trey was a typical teenager. He had just finished his 17th birthday and he didn’t notice any changes. His life still sucked.
He wasn’t a tall lad, only about 5ft 10in but he was built okay. He had strong upper body strength, which he could thank all of the gymnastics that he had been doing since he was a tyke. He had stopped that last year, mainly because he just couldn’t take the comments from the local school kids. Besides, he really wasn’t all that good, passable but never in the medal hunt, so why bother.
Trey lived in a small California town. No big city and his folks were pretty well off. His older brother was off to College and rarely came home. He missed Bobby, specially the way they would play together, rough house around, wrestle and just be together.
Bobby had transferred last year from USC to the University of Miami. He said it was for the courses but Trey knew the truth. His brother had been caught in a compromising situation and his folks thought it better if he put some distance between himself and the family. That way the talk of the town wouldn’t center on him and his father and mother could keep their social standing. That was always the bottom line, Trey thought, how they stood in the community.
It was hard for Trey, this last year, cause everyone in town knew about Bobby and they naturally assumed that he was the same. He remembered the walks downtown and the smirks, the comments, the remarks and the occasional taunts that led to fights. He never won those either, and it always brought him grief at home. His folks just didn’t understand him and they always blamed him. Just once he wished they would take his side, but then that might jeopardize their ‘community standing’ and they couldn’t have that, could they?
The summer was the worst. He liked to go down to the local pond but after the first few weeks, he just spent his time on the farm, or up in his room on his computer. The kids were mean, and they were supposed to be his friends.
He hated the names the most. He just wanted to be liked, yet no matter how hard he tried he was always the outcast, the “Fag”. It was tough to take, especially when he would go to the pond. It never failed that someone would yell out to someone to watch their backside, the fag was on the prowl, or they would yell to someone, hey careful, you got a fag checking you out, or other comments that always made him cry. They called him sissy, girl, freak and a ton of other hurtful names. He just couldn’t take it.
He first met “BoyDad” in one of those chat rooms.
He liked talking with ‘BoyDad’ who it turned out lived a few hours drive away in the city. Well a city compared to his small town. Raymond (’BoyDad’) seemed to be nice. He always treated Trey with respect and never once called him dumb or made fun of his ideas or thoughts. The whole summer Trey would wait till he could talk with Raymond.
The summer passed slowly for the most part. Trey spent more and more time upstairs online with ‘BoyDad’ and they were rapidly becoming good friends. Even though Trey was only 17, and Raymond was 38, they hit it off, at least so Trey thought. He looked at Raymond as a real friend and he told him his life story. He shared everything with him, and no matter how bad it was outside the bedroom walls, at least he had Raymond.
The Labor Day weekend was here. Trey was excited cause Bobby was coming home for the weekend. He could hardly wait to see him, and he even went out on a rare shopping trip to the local store. That was a mistake, as he ran into some kids from school and the pain and memories deepened as they followed him all around, tormenting him and calling him fag and other names. They taunted him, asking him if he wanted to suck them off, and other things, making sure that everyone could hear. People passed by, looking at him, shaking their heads, and he ended his day out running home in tears.
He was online with Raymond, pouring his heart out when Bobby walked into the room. There was something wrong and he stopped in mid type to see that Bobby was thin and looking bad.
He signed off and waited. Bobby sat down on the bed, looking at him but not the way he ever done before. He had tears in his eyes and he could barely look at Trey. His head was down and finally he spoke.
Bobby’s voice was low and several times he had to stop, to catch his breath and compose himself. Trey listened, his heart pounding, and as the messages slowly sank into his head, he wanted to cry out NO! But he couldn’t. His mouth refused to move and he just sat there.
Bobby had stopped speaking He looked at Trey, waiting, but Trey couldn’t speak. He was stunned and too confused. What could he say? In a few short sentences his world had gone from worse to pure hell.
Bobby slowly stood up and left the room. Trey sat there, not moving and when his mother called up four hours later, Trey still hadn’t moved. He ignored the calls from downstairs and buried his face into his pillow and for the rest of the night he spent the time crying or staring off into space. He didn’t notice the rain hitting the windows and he didn’t notice when his Mother entered his room earlier. He just cried and stared. His whole world was over, he knew that.
Saturday finally arrived. He started to gather his wits and when he went downstairs, for the first time, he found his parents talking. They looked up at him when asked where Bobby was and he almost fell to the ground when they told him that they had taken him to the train and that he was gone back to Florida.
Trey was dumbfounded and he raced outside and slammed the door. How could they do that? Send him away before he could even talk to him? Why hadn’t Bobby even said goodbye to him? Didn’t even Bobby care anymore?
Trey spent the day and the early evening out in the back forty. He sat by the rocks and trees. He felt so alone. His parents didn’t care and now he had lost the only one he could talk to, Bobby, and that too was taken from him. He couldn’t stand it, and then slowly he realized he still had a friend. He had Raymond.
Raymond understood him. He had been so nice during the summer. They even had shared their deepest sexual desires, and Raymond knew so much about sex. Trey was still a virgin, but he enjoyed talking with Raymond, especially when Raymond would tell him how he would hold him, gently touching him. He liked that, being held by someone. Bobby used to hold him and wrap his arms around him. He didn’t have that now did he? Maybe Raymond would help? He wasn’t that far, and he did have Bobby’s old mustang.
His mind was made up and he walked slowly back to the house. He didn’t see his parents as he went to his bedroom. Now all he had to do was get a hold of Raymond and set it up. Raymond would help, he wouldn’t disappoint him.
It took him until 2am before he could get a hold of Raymond. He found in the “Chicken Hawk” chat room. Raymond didn’t hesitate a second. He arranged for Trey to meet him halfway between the city and Trey’s town. Trey actually was happy, a little scared, but at least Raymond cared. Raymond had told him he was doing the right thing, and told him to be careful. He told him not to leave tonight, but to make it the next night. This would avoid problems with his parents at the start. It sounded funny but Trey didn’t care, he just wanted to be held close. He just wanted to feel wanted, he didn’t want to read it, he wanted to experience it and he knew he could trust Raymond.
Sunday passed slowly. He tried to spend most of the time upstairs, avoiding his parents. Every minute he would glance at the clock, willing it to read 7pm but it took forever.
When his parents had left for church, he had snuck down and loaded the car up with some extra clothes. He took his journal, and he even took a picture of him and Bobby out of Bobby’s room. He managed to grab $86 out of his parent’s room, and he figured, that should see him for awhile.
Trey ate quickly. He wanted out and the time was approaching. When he said he was going to go to a movie and would be back late, he thought he would get an argument instead it was like they hardly even noticed. All his mother said was to drive carefully. His dad only grunted, his nose buried in some papers he had in front him.
He had checked earlier in the day, and Raymond was waiting. He had told him how he would take care of his “little boy” which was how he always referred to Trey. He loved that, being someone’s little boy.
He was at the spot, he was sure of that. It was cold out, and he had the car running. He had been here for about an hour now and still no dark blue van. He was getting antsy, wondering if maybe Raymond wasn’t going to show up. He was also having second thoughts about this. Sure Raymond had been nice, but that was online, would he be so nice in person? You heard stories and Trey really was just a babe in the woods. Specially now, he had no one to turn to. No friends, no big brother, no parents, this was getting scary.
Trey shivered as his brain kept dredging up the summer, and last Friday. He was so alone, so scared and all he really wanted was to be accepted, to be loved. As he reflected back, he decided that maybe he should go home. Just as he was gathering up the nerve, the van pulled in. The lights shone inside, and all Trey could tell was that it was a dark van. His heart leaped, as he knew it was Raymond.
He heard the van door slam, and his heart was pounding in his chest. His arms ached as his hands gripped the steering wheel. What if Raymond didn’t like him? What if he thought he was too much off a geek? These thoughts were racing and the adrenalin was flowing. He also was getting excited. He could feel the tightening of his jeans.
A hefty sized male, his head shaggy and a full beard poked into the driver’s window. A wide smile opened, revealing yellow crooked teeth.
“TREY” the head said. “You poor thing, sorry to be late, but the van had trouble starting. You been waiting long? I am so happy to see you son. Come on out here and let me give you a big hug!”
Trey almost cried, and he almost leaped out of the car into Raymond’s arms. It felt so good, those large powerful arms wrapped around his body.
It seemed like hours before the huge grip eased on him. He felt good, well sort of. There was something though, at the back of his brain. It wasn’t as he imagined it would be, and there was no doubt that the image he had of Raymond wasn’t close to the real thing, but who cared, here at least was someone who cared.
Raymond helped Trey grab his stuff and threw into the back of the van. It was a nice van, definitely a ‘make-out’ van. Carpet was spread out, and there was even a soiled mattress on the floor. They sat in the back and Raymond handed Trey a nice cold beer.
It was a nervous time. Trey wasn’t sure, but it just wasn’t right. Raymond seemed to sense this. He kept hugging him, telling him how good he looked, how he was doing the right thing. Finally after an hour he suggested that maybe Trey needed some help in relaxing. He held out his hand and gave Trey two small pink pills.
“Don’t worry” Raymond whispered. “These won’t hurt you, they are just a relaxant, more like a really mild sleeping pill. Come on son, it will help you relax, and besides, they are like aspirin. You could take 50 and you won’t get hurt.”
Trey meekly swallowed the pills. He washed them down with another beer and he started feeling better. His head didn’t pound so much. His heart wasn’t racing inside his chest. He could feel himself relaxing and Raymond noticed the changes too. Trey wanted to like Raymond, he owed him so much. He just wasn’t expecting to meet someone who was so big and hairy.
Trey felt dizzy. He couldn’t focus his eyes. He felt like was in a fog, everything was so hazy. His mouth felt like it had a whole ream of paper inside it. His tongue felt like it was soaked in clay, and his ears kept ringing.
Trey didn’t understand anything. He was floating somewhere. His eyes couldn’t focus and all he could see was darkness. His body was hurting, specially his ass. He felt like he was being shaken and yet he knew he wasn’t. He was lying down, he knew that, or did he?
His brain drifted but the pain in his ass only got worse. He felt his arms hurt him and his jaw started to ache. He kept seeing an image floating around him. He couldn’t make it out and he wanted to cry out but his mouth was too sore. He felt like it was filled with a huge wad of paper.
Time seemed to be suspended. Trey was scared but he couldn’t feel his own body parts. His arms seemed like they were lead weights and his legs, they were even worse. It felt like he had the weight of a train on top of him. He was cold, he could feel the cold air and he felt like was moving now.
Trey’s head ached, along with every part of his whole body. He kept hearing this voice, calling his name, and now he his eyes could feel this harsh white light. He tried to keep his eyelids closed but the bright light kept intruding. HE was scared and he was in pain. He could hear himself scream as fingers prodded him everywhere, even where they shouldn’t be.
He felt a jab in his arm and the pain started to go away. His mind cleared, the fog was lifting and he could hear the voices now. They were strange but then he heard one he recognized. His heart leaped in his chest, it was Bobby.
Slowly his brain cleared and he could make out the words now. He heard pieces of words, could hear some woman crying, some man that sounded like his Dad roaring blue thunder. Words like “Lucky”, “Common”, “Too Early to say” and then the one word that penetrated his mind and his soul.
“RAPE”
Suddenly he knew. Suddenly the whole thing flooded his brain and his entire body convulsed in horror. He screamed and struggled against the restraints.
As his body fought against the pressure, suddenly he heard Bobby, heard his brother, tears in his voice, softy telling to calm down, telling him that he was here, and with that he opened his eyes, and saw Bobby.
Predators Exist
If you are in trouble, if you need someone to talk to, CHECK THE YELLOW PAGES of your PHONE DIRECTORY for the nearest HELP LINE.
Never Ever MEET someone ALONE or in SECLUDED SPOTS. Always TELL someone whom you are meeting, where you are meeting, and maybe that way you will see TOMORROW!
The Locker - Chapter 4
Chapter 4
Saturday
Noah stared at his reflection in the mirror, knowing it was useless, the damn zit was still there despite the scrubbing and the constant application of that stupid zit cream stuff he used. He saw his eyes narrow as he stared at himself, wondering if he wasn’t being stupid, after all he was only 16 and you were supposed to have zits, just that why now? Couldn’t it have waited till next week to pop up? Christ Dakota wouldn’t want to kiss a face that had zits would he, but then he had barely had time to talk with him ever since he had shown up that night.
They had talked briefly since that night, and he wondered, staring at the mirror, if maybe he had been wrong, maybe he had only thought he had seen what he had seen or maybe Dakota had changed his mind? Maybe he had decided it wasn’t worth the risk but then he would have cancelled today, wouldn’t he? His head shook and he saw the fear in his own eyes, the fear that he had already failed to measure up to what Dakota had expected, but then, maybe he was just being stupid? Maybe he was just too nervous, expecting too much and maybe that was scaring Dakota off too? It could be, after all Dakota was, well, he was hot and he, Noah, wasn’t, so why should he be interested?
Christ he was feeling weird, his palms were sweating and he wasn’t going to meet Dakota till 4, and he leaned back on the wall, staring at his face, staring at the zit and way his face looked so ordinary. He sighed, knowing that it wasn’t Dakota’s fault they hadn’t had time together, after all he did have an image to keep up and Noah understood that. Last thing he wanted was for anyone to suspect anything about them, even if they already suspected him, he couldn’t let them get wise to Dakota. It was bad enough that some thought he was queer, Christ it would be impossible if they knew for sure.
Lunch was the worse, he had to sit there listening to Marvin whining about something or other, or worse sit alone while ‘the group’ surrounded Dakota and he could see how he was being drooled over by every cheerleader and girl in school. He had that look, the same look he thought Rusty had, but with Dakota it was different, more intense really. He could see too that Rusty wasn’t exactly pleased, no longer number one but he had to give the guy credit, he didn’t seem to let it bother him but every now and then, Noah could see the way Rusty’s eyes would flare, a sort of hatred in them that scared Noah. He never thought Rusty was that way, but then how would he know? He was never popular, he was the funny kid who dressed up in girls clothes for plays and stuff, he wasn’t the super jock or anything, but there was something in Rusty’s eyes that made Noah keep his distance.
As much as he had wanted to talk with Dakota, each morning at the locker or after classes or during lunch break, Rusty seemed to be there, watching, and staring and yet not staring. It was like he was spying on Dakota, trying to figure him out and he could see that Dakota didn’t even notice it. Yet as much as he tried to be careful, he couldn’t help but feel all giddy each time Dakota would walk up to the locker, or each time he would see him standing there. He was like a Greek God that they had learned about in English, the way he just looked so, well, so commanding. Seeing him each morning was like a whole new experience for him and he had to admit, seeing Dakota’s eyes light up, seeing him smile and speak to him was enough to keep him going in dreamland for the day, which was another problem he had to come to terms with.
He had already been spoken to about his sudden lack of attention in class, and he knew that he hadn’t done well on the pop quiz on Friday, but that was then, today was his time and he could feel his legs getting wobbly even though his dick was rock hard, again. Christ that too was becoming a problem, because each time he would think about Dakota, which was almost constantly, he would get a hard on, he would think back to the night, the way Dakota looked, naked and with that monster dick staring at him. Christ he still could feel the fear he felt then, and yet he also felt the excitement of it too.
Strange, but he could think of virtually nothing else but what it would feel like to have Dakota inside of him, and he had wondered if he would scream, or would he cry like a baby? Every time he thought about it, his ass felt weird too like it knew what he was planning and was just as uncertain about it as he was, and yet at times it itched so much, like it was really wanting it. He knew it was just nerves, yet it felt real to him, it really did feel like it was itching and as he wiped the lock of hair from his face, he saw the blush on his face, realizing the stupid things he had done this week.
His hand moved down his flat stomach, feeling the press of his dick against his jeans as he felt that ache there again, knowing that what he really wanted to do was to unzip his pants and just jerk off but he had made up his mind last night, no touching, no hand jobs in case it would make him soft when he wanted to be hard, when Dakota would need him hard. Damn, just thinking of it and he could feel his dick moving inside his pants, the fresh new boxer’s bit stiff but no where near as stiff as his cock was feeling. Maybe it would be okay if he did jerk off now? Hell it was early enough, still, if he did and then what would happen later, would he still be able to or worse, would he maybe shoot early again, or maybe not at all? He had heard about that, that some of those who did the porn took forever to cum because they did it so much, or at least that was what Marvin had said, but he always came up with weird little comments.
Noah knew it was crazy to be this way, that he would do okay, or at least he kept telling himself that, telling himself that Dakota wasn’t the type to make a big deal out of him being a rookie, and he had shown he cared, least he thought he had, or was he just being nice? Was all this just that, was it that maybe Dakota had been lonely or was it what he had thought? Thinking back he could still see the way Dakota would smile at him, a sort of smile that said more than just ‘hi’ but then maybe he was doing his normal routine, making mountains out of molehills? His mother sure seemed to think he did a lot of that, so did his dad but then it had been ages since they had been his age, besides things were different these days.
Looking at the mirror and seeing his expression, he wondered why Dakota even bothered with him? He wasn’t good looking, his hair didn’t look great, his face was thin and angular even, his nose was way too small and hell his ears were more like a girls than a guy’s, so why the fuck would Dakota want him? It just didn’t make sense unless it simply was that he was available, that he was ‘one’ that Dakota knew about. Maybe if he found some one else better looking he’d have cancelled, but it wasn’t easy to find that kind of stuff out, so maybe that was why tonight was still on?
Looking at his reflection he could feel the doubts raging inside, his mind continued to keep on throwing up things, to harp on his imperfections that he knew were glaring and yet somehow, deep inside the voice kept telling his mind to frig off, to take a hike and as it spoke, his heart kept beating stronger with anticipation and desire. Funny how suddenly he could feel all this turmoil inside, all this sort of confusion and yet deep down he knew that tonight was important, that it was something special that would change his whole life. He knew inside that if he chickened out as his thoughts kept urging, that he would never be totally happy.
Funny, looking at himself this way, he noticed how his hand had crept down into his jeans, how his fingers were already running along his hard cock, and it was more like instinct than anything else at how much he really wanted to be with Dakota, under any terms, any conditions. Maybe it was like his head kept saying, that he was just horny and wanted to get fucked or maybe it was like he felt inside, that it was something special, that there was more to being with Dakota than just getting laid, that maybe those little glances, those little smiles were more than a come on, were a signal of something much much more?
His resolve grew stronger as he looked into his own eyes; saw the doubts but also the desire. He pulled his hand out from his pants, and looked deeply at his reflection, deciding that this time, he’d let the voices deep down have their way, ignoring the pleas of his mind. As the decision grew within he felt a strange sense of calm come over him and he walked out of his bathroom to stare over at his unkempt bed, still able to see Dakota’s silhouette on top, the way he had been when he had woken up Tuesday morning, the way he had felt and Noah breathed in deeply, smelling that strange sweet fragrance that was Dakota. It was unnerving how he could still smell it, and even though his mom had washed and changed the sheets he could still smell him, as if it was a scent that now belonged to him.
As much as he hoped and prayed he still felt the twinge of nervousness inside as he surveyed his room, wondering what it would be like to be sharing all this with someone else. The dream that he had and that Dakota seemed to also have was still fresh in his mind, it was something he couldn’t shake and even though his thoughts started out differently each night since, they always came back to that, to the two of them in a small room, only a bed in the room but it felt right, it felt as if it was where he belonged. He shuddered a little, feeling the stiffness in his groin and the itch in his buttocks.
1:34 p.m.
He stared out at the parking lot, sipping his cold can of pop and watching the people as they rushed around the lot. Some where leaving, others arriving and yet they all seemed to be in a hurry, always walking a little bit faster, always tugging on the kids arms, hurrying them along and he wondered why? They really weren’t going to get anywhere all that quicker, they weren’t going to miss any big bargain if they were a few seconds longer in getting into the stores, so why the rush? Funny, he used to do that, run all the time but that all changed now, and he felt the loneliness creep back inside. His hand tightened on the can, feeling the soft aluminium sides giving to his pressure and his eyes were blank as he felt that hitch come back to his throat, that little nagging itch that really wasn’t an itch, but a reminder.
His dark hair flowed around his face as the wind kicked up a little, a bit of chill in the afternoon’s air but he hardly noticed it as he stared out at the parking lot, seeing nothing of the people anymore, instead thinking back to when things were different, when he wasn’t this empty, this alone. There were times, like now, when he thought he could still feel
Dakota dug his hand into his pants pocket, pulling out the ten-dollar bill, a gift from his sister and he felt the tears coming, wishing them back, desperate to hold onto his composure. Strange how she had been able to read his mind, to know that he was feeling scared and yet in her own way, he knew that she too was scared. The way she had silently entered his bedroom this morning, standing quietly next to his bed until he finally sensed her presence and woke up to see her. She had looked so scared that for a minute he thought that something was wrong with his mom or father but as she handed him the folded money, speaking softly he knew it wasn’t them but him that she was worried about.
He had refused the money but she had insisted, saying it was from tips she had saved up and then she had blown him away as she wanted to know if he had condoms. How the hell did she know about that stuff and yet he knew the answer even before it was framed in his mind. How could anyone in their family not know about condoms these days, and he sighed, wishing for a moment that things could go back to simpler times, when all he worried about was skinning his knee playing catch with Montana and his dad. Funny how determined she was to know the answer too, and she wasn’t satisfied until he had shown her the small packages in his night table, and only then was she satisfied. She told him the money was to buy his friend something, to maybe get some snacks for later and he felt her love then, knowing how hard it was for her too. They had hugged each other for several minutes in the morning and he knew that he would not spend the money, well at least not all of it.
Thinking about it he wondered what Noah would think once he saw their house. It wasn’t a bad home really, even though everyone worked the place was clean and it did have a sort of warmth to it, but it had a great deal of sadness too. Maybe Noah would see it and run, just like he wanted to that night he saw Dakota’s naked body but then he was coming tonight, so maybe there was hope? He felt uneasy, wondering if he was doing the right thing or was he just feeling sorry for himself again? He shook his head a little, trying to toss away all the fears and doubts that he was feeling, wishing that he could talk to Montana but there just wasn’t time for that, not today as he was working till 3:30 and Noah was coming here, to the mall at 4pm so there just wasn’t time. He sighed, knowing that nothing would change anyways, that no matter how much he hoped it would, it just wasn’t going to and he stood up, draining the last drops from the can and then headed to the store, to get his nickel for the can and to get back to work. Whatever else had happened, at least he knew that he could survive just about anything, but was that really something he wanted to know at 16?
Rosalie Northwood was checking the appointment book at the desk, and she had seen her son sitting there, so alone, so much in pain that her own heart forgot its troubles and ached for him. She saw how he sat and then how he looked, tossing his dark hair to one side as he turned to head back to work. It wasn’t fair, she thought, as she ticked off the name of one person and then saw that she had a new client at
The pain in her heart was almost unbearable each time he would hand her the cheque, each time he would look into her eyes or into Gary’s face, and she knew how her husband would hate it, would barely manage to look back into his son’s face, wishing he could simply push the hand back, push the money away but they had no choices, they needed it and so their pride had to suffer. She knew how much it was killing Gary, how much it ate at his very soul that he needed the money from his wife and his young children to just survive. Rosalie didn’t know how much longer they could go on this way, how much longer any of them could continue to take the abuse and suffering of their existence but maybe there was hope, at least a chance of hope?
Seeing Dakota heading back, the empty pop can in his hand instead of already being tossed, she wondered if maybe their pride was something too costly, something that they should have put aside a long time ago or maybe it was all that was keeping them going now? She didn’t know but as she followed Dakota back to the store with her eyes she felt his pain, knowing that his heart ached and that something was up. He had been more moody all week, and it wasn’t like to him to have disappeared like he had Monday evening, but he wouldn’t say much, except that he had made a new friend. She had known, by the way his eyes had looked that this was something unlike the others, this was something she had rarely seen in his face but one she recognized from
Turning away she saw her daughter staring at her and she smiled, trying to hide her troubled thoughts from showing, but she knew that
As her mother passed by she could feel her pain, and she wished she could make it easier, knowing though that there really wasn’t much she could do. Everything had changed so quickly for her that she still didn’t quite understand it all, except that everyone seemed so sad all the time, so unhappy and yet in some ways, they were closer than ever and yet even more distant. Hard to say which it was at times, like this morning she had never felt closer to Dakota than when she had made him show her that he had condoms, so that he would be safe and when they hugged, she could feel his love for her, almost like when Montana would reach down and toss her into the air when she had been little, but that would never be anymore. She sighed as she finished her chores; her quitting time almost here and it was up to her to get dinner ready for tonight, something she was actually looking forward to.
She knew it would be a surprise to everyone, but she had saved up from her tips at the shop and even by giving Dakota the ten dollars she still had enough left over to plan her surprise for dinner. Maybe it wasn’t much but she wanted Dakota to be happy, to not be embarrassed with his guest so she had it all planned out. Besides if her parents got upset about it she’d just claim it was an early birthday gift for Dakota, which should solve that little problem. Funny though, she could remember a time when dinner was something a lot different than it was now, when spaghetti night was always with meat sauce and meatballs, not watered down tomato paste as it was now, well usually but not tonight. Tonight she had splurged and bought hamburger, onions, and even a can of spaghetti sauce to put in with the tomato paste. This would at least be a normal meal, and she knew it would last, that even with Noah coming for dinner they’d have enough for tomorrow too plus she had her best surprise of all, home made brownies. They rarely had any dessert but tonight was important, she could tell that Dakota really liked Noah and more than that, she knew that Noah liked Dakota, and it was important to her that they have a good time together, that for a change Dakota got to laugh a little, got to be 16 for a change.
Arizona put her stuff away, making sure that everything was were it was supposed to be and then she went to get out of her smock, to count her tips for the day and then head off to go home and get dinner started. She really rather enjoyed her Saturdays, it was a chance for her to feel more useful, more of a help to everyone than normal, like when her mother had to take to her to the clinic for her check ups, for the waiting in line to get her medication instead of being able to just go to the drugstore to get them, but Saturdays were different, that was when she could do stuff for them, and it felt good too.
She counted the change out, seeing the few crumpled bills and she smiled, realizing that it had been a better day than normal, that she had an extra $4 to spend and she wondered if maybe she’d get some of that fancy French bread or maybe there was something else she could get. Her eyes were full of life as she stepped outside, to decide if she should run over to the grocery store for a few extra things or head straight home when she spotted the two boys. Her heart was filled with plans for tonight and she didn’t really give it much thought as she started to walk towards the grocery store when it hit her. Those boys, they were from the new school and one of them she really didn’t like all that much, and the other was sort of okay or at least seemed so. Why where they here she wondered, knowing that they were the type who wouldn’t be in this part of town without a reason, it just wasn’t their normal hangout and she stopped, to stare at Hector and Rusty, a strange feeling of unease creeping inside her heart.
2:08 p.m.
Rusty “So he works here, what’s the big deal Hec?”
Hector “Don’t you think its weird man? I mean what’s he doing working anyhow?”
Rusty “Hey not everyone’s dad can be a big shot real estate salesman”
Hector “Hey, your dad isn’t exactly a slouch, but its weird man, I mean the guy never shows up to any of the after school we invite him too, don’t you think its weird?”
Rusty “Little I guess, but shit man, cut him some slack, the guy is new”
Hector “Yeah well I did some checking, he was the same back at his old school, never really socialized”
Rusty “So? What’s the big deal? He still was damn good to get MVP at the basketball finals”
Hector “Yeah, but I mean, I don’t know man, it’s just strange is all”
Rusty looked around at the mall, not one of the town’s more modern shopping centres and it looked it too. He felt kind of creepy being here, not really liking the place one bit, but Hector had insisted and Hector was always good for some fun, but lately he was becoming way too much of a red neck, even for Rusty’s tastes. He glanced at the busy parking lot, seeing all the old cars and trucks and he realized that there were really very few newer cars around. Even his older car was newer than most in the lot and he felt sort of uneasy, feeling uncomfortable in this part of town.
Rusty “Uh huh, what’s really got your shorts in a knot is you can’t stand it that Sheila might be setting her sights on him”
Hector “Yeah well you wouldn’t like it if Karen was drooling over him, now would you?”
He stared at Hector, looking him squarely in the eyes and he saw something that made him blink. He never realized before how much anger Hector had inside, and looking at him now he saw that his friend had changed a lot over the years and it sent a shiver down his spine, making him shiver a little and raising warning flags inside. He chose his words carefully, wondering what really was bugging Hector.
Rusty “No, I’d most likely kick his ass but then Karen and I are still together, so that’s a lot different Hec”
Hector “Yeah well, just cause we are temporarily not officially together, still doesn’t give him any right”
Rusty “Christ man, listen to you, like she’s the only girl out there?”
Hector “No, but she did put out, and it was good, besides, she knows a girl this Dakota dude dated”
Rusty “So?”
Hector “So? So she said some strange stuff, kind of makes a guy wonder, ya know?”
Rusty “What kind of stuff?”
Hector “Stuff, like he wasn’t into doing it all that much, though the way Sheila said it, the guy is hung like a fucking horse, which is why she has her eyes on him, the fucking bitch”
Rusty “Shit so that’s what this is about, he’s got a bigger dick than you and you can’t stand it, fuck man, you need some serious help”
Hector “Fuck off Rusty, ain’t like that at all, besides, I just don’t like him”
Rusty “God man you don’t even know him, just cause he isn’t from our side of town no reason to hate the dude”
Hector “Ain’t that, I don’t know, maybe its just cause he’s sharing a locker with that pansy Collins”
Rusty “Fuck man you really got it out for him, just out of curiosity what is it about Collins that has you steamed at him? He try to date you or something?”
Hector’s whole body became rigid and Rusty could see the way he was clenching his fists and letting them hit the side of his legs. There was no doubt that he had hit a sore spot in Hector’s armour and he wondered more and more about his friend, wondering just what was it that made him so angry, so ready to explode? He felt a strange sense of fear creeping into his thoughts, something he wasn’t used to. He usually had the answers but lately he was finding that Hector was like a loose cannon and he knew that one day he would just go off on someone and he did not want to be there then. He saw Hector’s eyes, the colour drained and a sort of deep darkness came over them, making the fear in his mind grow.
Hector “FUCK OFF!”
Rusty “Christ he didn’t did he? Come on to you I mean? No fucking way dude, he’s too much of a wimp to do that shit…”
Hector “No it isn’t that, I don’t like him, him and all those other fag types, man don’t they creep you out too?”
Rusty “Yeah but shit, long as they keep it to themselves it don’t bug me, well not that much, now that Marvin thing, he’s a different story, he’s really off the wall, but I don’t know, you really think Collins is one too?”
Hector “Christ you have to ask? You saw how he looked dressed up as a broad, fuck he was better looking than some of the girls we got on the cheerleaders”
Rusty had to admit that Hector was right on that score. Noah did look a damn sight better than some of the girls in school but as much as he didn’t care for fags he still wasn’t totally convinced that Noah was one. He might be a wimp and all and he might look like a girl at times, but shit, there were others who had that look too and it didn’t make them queer, least not so he knew. Staring over at Hector’s face he saw the cheeks growing redder, saw the eyes glazing over and he knew that for whatever reason, Hector really had a mad on for fags. Well it was no skin off his ass, he didn’t exactly care for them himself.
Rusty “Yeah well, don’t tell them that, but so he looked good in a dress, doesn’t make him queer”
Hector “Get off it, you know damn well he’s a piss ant faggot, the way he looks at you some times, the way he is always staring at the floor in the locker room, you know damn well he’s one”
He had to agree there with Hector, the guy did look at him strange at times, usually when he was at the locker getting stuff or such, but he kind of thought it was because he was who he was, not that Noah had some sort of crush on him. God, just the thought was kind of creepy and he didn’t like it one bit. His own face became a bit darker, as he wondered if maybe Hector was right, if maybe Noah was one of them?
Rusty “I suppose, still, no reason to be so damn hostile all the time, besides you got him good with that paint on his locker, that should be enough to satisfy you”
Hector “Haha, yeah that did kind of get his attention didn’t it? Still don’t know how you got the paint in though…”
Rusty “That’s my business, besides you have him still looking over his shoulder all the time man, that should be enough for you”
Hector “I don’t know, suppose, but he is friendly with that Dakota dude and him I really ain’t too sure of, MVP or not”
Rusty “So what the fuck does it matter? If you want Shelia back, duking it out with Dakota ain’t gonna help, besides you don’t even know if the guy is interested in her or not, this will only get you in more shit with her.”
Hector “No, maybe, I don’t know man, but I need to do something”
There were times when he wondered why he bothered associating with Hector but then the guy did have his uses at times. It was always good policy to have someone who resembled an animal around, you never knew when you might need the backup and as his eyes stared out at the parking lot, he felt a whole lot better knowing he was with Hector right now than say a pansy like Noah, still, it had kind of bugged him seeing Noah all in tears when he saw his locker last year. He had to admit that the joke was a bit much but everyone it seemed got a good kick out of it, so maybe Noah reacted too much, and maybe Hec was right, maybe the guy was a queer, after all no real guy would bawl his eyes out like that, would they?
Looking at Hector he knew that if he let him to his own design there would most likely be a big battle and the new kid wouldn’t even know what it was about, and he didn’t need any complications right now, not this early on in the year. Besides, if Hector got tossed for fighting, he’d need to do some fancy footwork for some of the things he had planned for later on in the year. Hector did have his uses even if he was a damn bull in a china shop.
Rusty “Look, why not let me talk to him? Maybe I can sort of see if he’s interested in her, and if he is maybe talk him out of it, how’s that sound?”
Hector “I don’t know, think he’d listen?”
Rusty “Hey worth a shot and if he does, well then you aren’t in the doghouse with Sheila”
Hector “Makes sense, when?”
Rusty “Jesus, you really want her that bad?”
Hector “No, just that, I want to get fucked man, she’s good in bed, she knows what I like”
Rusty “Shit is that all you think about? Getting your damn dick wet?”
Hector “Hey what can I say, I am all man dude, and don’t act like you don’t think about it either”
Rusty “Yeah but shit, not every fucking minute”
Hector “No? Just every other fucking minute?”
Rusty “Jesus Hector, it’s not like you haven’t had any since you broke up with Sheila”
Hector “Yeah so?”
Rusty “I swear, you live to play football and screw girls”
Hector “Hey don’t forget I like to party too”
Rusty “Yeah but that’s just so you can screw girls man”
Hector “Never heard you complain about it, so? You gonna go in and talk to him or what?”
The way Hector said it made his skin crawl, and he stared at his friend, wondering just how much would Hector keep quiet if the shit ever hit the fan? Would he squeal like a stuck pig or would he keep his mouth shut? He didn’t like having someone like Hector have a hold over him and yet at the same time he knew he didn’t have much of a choice, and he did admit, it was rather fun at times. Hell it was fun all the time and he knew that as long as Hector played it cool, then they were safe but lately, he wasn’t too sure if Hector could play it cool. His eyes narrowed a little as he thought about how he could extradite himself from this mess but then the throb in his crotch told him that he wasn’t exactly in the mood to pull out of the deal just yet, not with a whole year ahead of high school.
Rusty “Christ… Okay why don’t you go cool your jets and I’ll go and see if I can’t set something up, okay?”
Hector “Thanks, I owe you one”
Rusty “Fuck you owe me a damn sight more than one dude”
Hector “Yeah well you can collect at the party tonight if you want”
Rusty “Oh? You bringing some treats are you?”
Hector “Depends, might, all I know is I need to get fucked man, one way or another its happening tonight”
Rusty “Yeah well, don’t let Shelia catch you or no way you ever going to get back together”
Hector “Yeah, that’s why I said it depends”
Rusty “Sheila going to the party?”
Hector “Not sure, tried to find out but she won’t talk, she might if that Dakota is there, but last I heard he had backed out, said he had to work late or some shit like that”
Rusty “Oh? Well then, should be a fun time, that new girl, the transfer from up state, she’s going”
Hector “Oh? She is hot man”
Rusty “Don’t I know it, think maybe I’ll bring along a few extra little pals if you are bringing the treats”
Hector “Christ, why do you bother with that man, not like you screwing some hooker or anything, and hell they are all on the pill”
Rusty “Yeah but you never know, I don’t like leaving any calling cards like you man”
Hector “Fuck that, I just don’t like the way it feels wearing those damn things, besides it’s a pain in the ass to have to stop and put them on, and its for queers anyways, or dumb ass chicks who forget to take the pill”
Rusty “Yeah well, you never know, I kind of don’t feel like waking up with some fucking itch on my dick, and not like they are going anywhere”
Hector “yeah well you bring what you want, I’ll stick to doing it the old fashioned way man, besides, feels a damn sight better without that plastic crap around my pole”
Rusty “Suit yourself dude”
Hector “Karen not going tonight?”
Rusty “Nope, she’s gotta babysit tonight, told her I’d pop over later on though”
Hector “Christ and he says I am a pig? Just how much do you want in a night?”
Rusty “Fuck man, she doesn’t put out every time, not like Sheila”
Hector “Yeah, she is one horny broad, speaking of that, you going?”
Rusty “Yeah okay, cool your heels man, and you owe me man, big time”
Hector “Like I said, you can collect at the party, with what’s her name? Haha”
Rusty “Corin or something like that, I swear though, one day you are gonna get nailed”
Hector “Nah, never happen dude, I make damn sure of that.”
Rusty “Yeah, still, you never know, why I use a condom, less chance of being connected to it dude”
Hector “Shit you watch way too much television man, so? I wanna get out of this dump, shake a leg okay?”
Maybe he did but as he shrugged his shoulders he knew that at least he was safe, assuming Hector kept his yap shut if caught and as he stared at his friend, there was a glint in Hector’s eyes that made him shiver a bit more. He knew that he was getting out of his league and he also realized that as much as he loved the extra fun that he had, thanks to Hector’s treats, it was getting time to get out of it all, but the question was going to be, how? Well, he’d leave that for another time, tonight hopefully he’d be busy enjoying Corin and then off to Karen, who knows maybe it would be a double pleasure tonight?
Rusty “Okay, back in a few”
Hector moved over to the small group of tables and sat down, staring at Rusty who shrugged his shoulders and turned away, heading towards the grocery store. He knew that Hector was crazy and yet he could feel the excitement building up inside of himself. He was starting to look forward to the party tonight and he hoped that what Hector had said was true, that Dakota wasn’t going because it would mean that Sheila would be there and that would cramp his mood and his style. That Corin chick sure was hot and he was itching to see how hot but if Sheila showed up he’d have to cool it, she was good friends with Karen and no way did he want to risk that for a one night romp, even if she was Pamela Lee herself.
Rusty had disappeared inside the large store and Hector leaned back, his elbows resting on the table as he stared at the shabby grocery store. The place really bugged him and he couldn’t wait to get out of here. So far everything was going as he had planned, knowing that Rusty would intercede for him, which was cool. He really wasn’t into battling with Dakota, the guy looked too lean, to hungry and one thing he had learned, never tangle with someone who has nothing to lose. His dad had taught him that one, and he had a few knocks on the side of his head to show for not listening but one thing about him, he wasn’t the stupid jock that everyone thought. Hector saw Dakota as a threat but not one he could attack face to face, this way he’d let Rusty do his dirty work and let the super star think he was pulling his balls out of the fire. It worked for him and he smiled a little, waiting, knowing that Dakota would be easy to take down if he got in his way, as long as he kept things cool. His eyes narrowed as he glanced at his watch; seeing that time was moving ahead and he still had things to do, especially if he wanted to have another good time tonight at the party. Man, chemistry was not his long suit but it sure did help a guy out and he smiled a bit wider, a grin that made a few people stare as they passed by.
3:35 p.m.
Carefully he added up the hours, taking the half hour and the 15 minutes off and then he subtracted the extra 15 minutes that he had spent with Rusty and wrote down the final number on the small space on the calendar. He looked at it, mentally adding together the time and he felt a little dejected, realizing that he was short this period of at least 3 hours. He grimaced a bit, wondering if maybe there was a way he could work extra to make up for it but he knew there wasn’t. Dakota sighed as he realized that he’d just have to cut back on his expenses, maybe cut down on lunches for the next week, that would save him close to half, but then he had to take into account the extra gas he was using, going to school, which made him remember earlier.
The frown grew on his face as he remembered how surprised he was to suddenly turn around and see Rusty standing there. There was something about the guy that made him wary, and yet everyone at the new school kept saying how nice Rusty was, but he could see something that they didn’t, which was his eyes, the way they looked past you at times and other times the way they seemed to just pierce you, trying to find out things he had no business wanting to know. He felt clammy as he walked towards his locker, to put away his red apron that he had to wear when on the floor. He saw that it was nearing time to get it washed again and for a second or two he thought he should maybe take it home but then he remembered Noah was coming and he doubted if he’d have the time to any laundry before his next shift.
Standing at his locker, he saw the small photograph pinned to the inside of the locker door, the image of two smiling faces peered out at him and his heart began to ache once more, tears welled up near the corners of his eyes as he looked at the picture, seeing his own smiling face and wondering if he’d ever feel that happy again, knowing that the hole inside would never truly ever be filled, even if he did find someone. The other face stared at him, a hint of a smile on his face, a glint even in his eyes and Dakota felt pain even more as he looked into
He sat down on the wooden bench, feeling the pain taking hold of his body, feeling it constrict his muscles and make him shake a little. The sight of that afternoon rising upwards to fill his vision, the bed with the curtains drawn around and his parents standing off to one side, his sister at the foot of the bed and he at the other end. He could see the way his brother’s sunken eyes looked at them all and even in those last few minutes, he was defiant almost as he stared at them, then the small smile came and he could even now hear his mother’s cries as she held his hand and then the surprise registered again as he saw his fathers face, the tears rolling down his cheeks and the deep gut wrenching sobs as he cried, bending down and kissing Montana’s forehead, wiping the sweat soaked hair back, looking into his eyes and his mouth moved but no words would come and yet as Dakota watched, he could see that at last there was peace between Montana and his father.
The room had lost its shape and all he could see was
His eyes grew moist, his hands were now balled up into fists at his side as he saw that look, felt
The soft whispered ‘goodbye’ rang loudly within his ears and deep in his heart as he saw the long eyelashes flutter once, then a second time, felt the hand growing cold in his, felt the skin cooling as the last beat echoed inside of his body, and he knew that he had lost the most precious gift of all, feeling the pain reaching into his body, tearing at his heart and ripping his soul and spirit apart into thousands of tiny shards, and yet still his heart beat, still his soul cried, thundering its love. He had thought he’d collapse, that he couldn’t bear what he was seeing and as he felt his legs growing numb, felt his mind darkening and clouding over a strange warmth suddenly began to creep inside of him, warming the coldness of his bones, easing the growing chill that had come to him and he stared at the face in the bed, seeing the eyes closed, seeing the lips shut and for a mere instant, he saw the thin tendrils of pain vanish from the face. The skin was no longer stretched taut, no longer burning with unbearable pain and he saw his brother’s face as it used to be, full of life, full of merriment and his heart grew stronger, the ripping pain suddenly held at bay.
The image in his locker stopped shimmering as the pale yellow light continued to glare in the room, filling it with its eerie shadows but his heart no longer ached, no longer felt like it would be split apart and he saw his hand reaching out, the tip of one finger lightly touching the image of his brother, gently caressing the lips and then he stood up, the pain once more held at bay, once more bottled up inside in the dark empty hole that resided in not just his heart but in his very soul. He stood tall, looking at his brother’s face, knowing that he missed him immensely and that even in death, his brother had shown him, had taught him things that he maybe hadn’t wanted to know, hadn’t wanted to learn but he had. Dakota squared his shoulders, smiled weakly at the photograph, and now he started to think ahead, to wonder if maybe what he had seen in Noah’s face that first day, that first second had been real or just his imagination. The pain was at bay but the fear was still there, different and yet the same as he wiped away one more tear, wondering if he was wrong, if maybe he was reaching for something not there but then he saw Montana’s face, heard his voice deep in his soul, urging him to look beyond the ‘what if’s’, to look towards a future that was his if he wanted it, if he was willing to just stretch out and grasp it.
His hand pulled the old worn windbreaker out and he put it on, feeling the rip in the inside sleeve, feeling it cover his still trembling shoulders as he saw the smile on his brother’s face and he knew that maybe what he had seen in Noah’s face was real, but whether it was or wasn’t there would only be one way to find out. He felt the ache in his heart ease a little in one spot, grow in another as he wondered what tonight would bring for him, but whatever it brought, at least he’d be doing what he had learnt, he’d be trying. With his car keys in his hand he walked out towards the staff parking area and his rendezvous with Noah, his heart no longer filled with pain, instead filled with anticipation and a bit of excitement even.
3:50 p.m.
He sat down at the bench, watching the door to the beauty salon close and his mother no longer in his view. Noah breathed a sigh of relief as she had disappeared inside and he wondered for a second or two why she was getting her hair done here, her normal place was way back near their place and besides, she had her hair done only last week, oh well he thought, shrugging off the peculiarities of mothers. There was no doubt that she was acting kind of weird, had been all week actually and he had thought about it, but not as much as he had thought about today and tonight. Strange, the closer it got for him to head over here, the less sure he was of what he wanted. He knew he wanted sex, least that was sort of what he was sure he wanted, but it was something else that he kept thinking about, kept dreaming about and it puzzled him.
Noah stared down at his feet, the backpack resting between his feet, and as his eyes saw the dark nylon he could feel a sort of hitch in his heart’s beat, the way it sort of just skipped forward a bit. Looking at the pack he wondered for the umpteenth time if he had everything or if he should have gotten more or maybe a different brand? His eyes were distant, his mind dredging up one more fantasy as he sat there, waiting for the slow movement of time and yet his heart was racing, his forehead feeling warm as he wondered if he could do it, if he really could please Dakota or would he chicken out? It was the one fear that kept intruding on him and the whole week had been one mixed with that fear and the other fear, the fear that Dakota wouldn’t even want to try, or be willing to let him try to please him.
It was strange, he had thought that they would spend time together, have lunch, hang out but instead he had barely seen Dakota during the rest of the week, and when they did see each other, Rusty was always there or else someone else was and yet he had to admit, Dakota did smile at him when he could, and the way his eyes looked when he smiled, it was enough to send him into another daydream. Noah had to admit, it had been one of the longest and hardest few days of his life, the way his mind would just wander into a dream, a dream of him and Dakota lying on a beach somewhere, naked, letting the sun tan their bodies and they would only wake long enough to satisfy each other’s desires, a continuing process that never seemed to tire either of them, but then that was the beauty of dreams, reality was never close. As that thought came to his mind, his eyes narrowed a bit and his heart grew silent, as the fear rose once more inside.
Thing was, that he could see how everyone was turning to Dakota, how his locker now was a meeting place, or a bulletin board of notes for Dakota. Strange how some kids just attracted others? Maybe that was it; maybe it was just that he was attracted to Dakota like it appeared every other person seemed to be? Use to be that everyone waited or left notes for Rusty but while that still happened, the majority of attention was for Dakota, everyone, every single girl it seemed wanted to meet him, to talk with him or to walk home or have lunch with him and he had to admit, Dakota kept it pretty cool, still it bugged him and he wasn’t really sure why, unless it was jealousy, as Marvin told him the other day. He laughed it off and yet as he stole a glance at Marvin, when he had said it, he could see that same glassy look in his friends face as he saw in most girls that came around the locker. It was the same look and he wondered what Marvin would say if he knew the truth? If he knew that this evening he would be in bed with Dakota? Would he be angry, would he be sad, would he be happy? Strange, he never thought this way before Monday and now he was.
Time felt like it was standing still as he looked once more at his watch, seeing the slow march of the seconds and yet the pouring sweat on his forehead and on the palms of his hands seemed to take not even a millisecond to soak him. Weird how he could feel detached in some ways and consumed in other ways. His mind was off on several tangents, each one vying for dominance and he could feel a slight tremble in his legs, even his lower lip as his eyes focused on the watch and then the back pack. He had two boxes of condoms, one was the ‘Sheik’ brand, the other ‘Ramses’ and he felt like an idiot when he had bought them, unsure if he had the right ones. The whole shopping trip had been nerve wracking and he wondered how Dakota could have been so casual about getting them, didn’t he get nervous or was it that people naturally assumed someone like Dakota would need them? That had to be it, because he sure was certain that the girl looked at him strange, sort of like she had wanted to ask why would a dork like him need condoms, never mind two dozen of them?
He sighed as he leaned back a little, wiping his palms once more on his denim pants, wishing that time would hurry up and that
Thinking about that suddenly made him think of Rusty, and for a few seconds his mind compared the two boys. Rusty was popular and hot looking, just like Dakota and yet there was something about Dakota that Rusty didn’t have, a sort of mystery to him that made you always take a second look at Dakota. Rusty had a nice smile, all those perfect white teeth, the dimples, even the sparkle in the eyes and yet when you looked at Dakota, the thin lips, the smouldering eyes, it was a totally different feeling, least it was for him and he supposed for everyone else, judging by all the attention they were giving to Dakota. Even Rusty was paying attention to him but it didn’t feel the same as with the others, as if maybe Rusty was just biding his time. For what Noah wasn’t sure, but a couple of times he had caught a strange look out of Rusty, one directed at Dakota and seeing that look had made him suddenly frightened, scared even but he couldn’t explain it, or understand it really. All he knew was that Rusty wasn’t quite what he had first thought him to be, just as Marvin had said for a long time and now Noah was starting to believe it.
Staring down the road he thought he spotted Dakota’s car but as it turned down a different lane he knew it wasn’t and his heart sagged a little and once more he wiped his hands on his pants, feeling the wetness and feeling the fear again. Damn he wished he would just stop worrying so much, feeling so scared about stuff, after all Dakota was the one who had made the first move, he was the one who had shown up at his window that night, had wanted to do it, so why would that have changed? Well for starters he now knew more kids at school, so his brain told him, secondly he had a chance to find out more about him, as his brain continued its litany of reasons why tonight wouldn’t be what he had expected and yet thru it all he could feel the rising excitement in his heart. The way his legs felt itchy and the hands kept sweating, all of it dredging up the fears more but also bringing up strange new visions, visions of him stretched out with Dakota’s long full body on top, his long thick hard cock wedged between Noah’s legs, and their mouths locked in a deep tongue duelling embrace. Those thoughts were more powerful than the doubts his mind conjured up, and as he glanced at the watch he didn’t see the car pull up, and then suddenly he knew that Dakota was there.
His whole face lit up and he even blushed a little as he looked over at Dakota, saw those eyes peering out at him and he felt the slight hitch again in his heart’s beat as he stood up, knowing that his body had already pushed aside his minds fears. He could feel the press of his hard cock against the pants, knowing that he was already hard. Noah saw Dakota smile at him, his eyelashes fluttering and he could see that mysterious glint in those eyes, the look that almost brought him to ejaculation but he fought it, holding it back as he ran towards the car, tossing the pack back into the empty back seat and climbing in, his palms suddenly dry.
4:00 p.m.
Rachael saw the old sports car pull up out front of the grocery store, next to where her son was waiting and she saw his face light up as the car stopped. He looked so happy as he jumped in the car and she felt a heaviness around her chest as the old mustang pulled away, a rather good looking young man behind the wheel, the boy she was certain was Dakota, Noah’s new friend. She didn’t know what she was thinking of when she had made this appointment or even when she had agreed to drive Noah here, hell she didn’t even know why she had agreed to letting him spend the night with his new friend when what she had really wanted to do was lock him in his room. It had taken a lot of self-control to keep her face calm but she had pulled it off, least she had so far. Now the next step, a step she still wasn’t sure about either, wondering if maybe she should just walk out and leave but then she knew in her heart that she couldn’t do that, after all Noah meant the world to her and to Nat, her husband. God, if he found out he’d go thru the roof and so far she was fairly certain she had hid her knowledge from him, but he wasn’t a stupid man, he sensed something was up but she had deflected it so far.
Rosalie “Ms Collins?”
She turned at the sound of her name and was a bit startled to see an older woman, or at least one who looked much older than she had expected. The woman had lines across her forehead and as Rachael Collins stared at her face, she could see a sort of sadness there, something she hadn’t expected. It had taken her almost two whole days to find out who Rosalie was and where she worked, an impulse making her make the hair appointment for today. Her eyes narrowed as she saw the smile, one that was warm and friendly and yet she could see that it wasn’t coming easy for the lady, that despite whatever was going on inside she was trying her best to ignore it and it made her soften her own face, her mind wondering if maybe she should just leave, but something in Rosalie’s eyes made her push that panic thought away.
Rachael “Yes? Oh sorry, I was daydreaming, please it’s Rachael”
Rosalie “Okay Rachael, I am Rosalie, care to come this way and we can start?”
Rachael “Yes, uh, thank you”
Rachael followed the slightly shorter woman towards the back of the shop, her eyes taking in the slow even gait of the Rosalie and she noticed how her shoulders sagged a little, almost as if there was some invisible weight on the lady’s back and she knew instantly that Rosalie knew about her boy, and she wondered if she too would look like that, or would it pass for her, was Noah really that way? Maybe it was just that he was curious, maybe that was it in which case maybe all this would pass but somehow, seeing the way Rosalie moved, she knew that there was a lot more to all this than she had imagined. Fear took hold of her as she sat in the chair, staring at her own reflection and that of Rosalie’s in the full-faced mirror. Rosalie was asking her something, she saw the lips moving but the words were meaningless as the fear and panic rose up, shutting off her ears and closing her mind. Her face grew sombre and grey as she just stared, nodding a little trying to summon up some hidden source of courage but failing as Rosalie smiled at her, a smile that somehow made Rachael feel helpless, feel even a bit angry too.
Her heart was beating a thousand beats a second and the roar was filling her ears as she swallowed, struggling with the emotions that were running in and out of her mind. She wanted to just jump up and head home, to leave all this and ignore it, but in her heart, deep in her own soul, she knew she couldn’t leave it, couldn’t ignore it and as the first spray of warm water hit her head, she knew that she had to say something, that she had to somehow find out the truth. Her eyes grew cloudy, the fear taking hold of her and her silence only was more repressive, more depressing as she felt Rosalie’s hands taking her hair in her hand, holding it out, asking just what it was that she had wanted.
She wanted to scream out, to ask why her son was seducing hers when her eyes were drawn to the small simple silver edged picture frame. Her eyes narrowed as she stared at the family picture, the two boys laughing, the small girl in between them both and something about the boys faces, the older one touched her in a way that made her bite her lip. She couldn’t speak as she just looked at the face, the way the eyes looked so unhappy, so sad and yet the other boy, the one she recognized as the boy her Noah was with right now, his eyes looked so full of life, so full of spirit that it was a stark contrast to the other boy and yet as she stared at them, she could feel a sort of strangeness, like they both had a secret and were daring all who looked at them to figure it out. It shook her and she glanced up at the mirror, seeing the way Rosalie was looking at her and then at the picture frame.
Rachael “Uh, your children?”
She had looked towards where Rachael was staring, seeing the photograph that could make her smile or make her cry, depending on how she was at that particular second. She saw the look that most if not all never saw, the look of daring, of mystery that was in both of her boy’s faces. She never had known
Rosalie “Yes”
Rachael “Handsome young boys, uh is it a recent photo?”
Rosalie “No, not really, it was taken, uh last year, sorry”
The softness of Rosalie’s voice grabbed her attention and her eyes lifted up to stare into the mirror, to look into Rosalie’s face and she saw the pain, the hurt that was there and for a moment or two her own heart ached for this stranger, for this unknown person. She recognized the pain as one any real mother would know, would feel and her heart grew silent, wondering what it was that was troubling this lady, this stranger, and yet even as she wondered, she knew what it was. There was no mistaking the agony and grief of a mother in torment for her children, and her own eyes softened as she looked back towards the photograph, seeing the happy faces reflected there but knowing in her heart that it was only a brief moment, captured at a time before now.
Rachael “The boys, the younger one, he has your eyes it seems”
Here eyes were filled with tears and Rosalie felt the shame welling up inside, wondering for a moment if she could continue or if she would have to get someone else to take this new client, but her heart refused to give in to the doubts, to the panic and as she stared into the mirror and then down towards the photograph, the questions inside became more intense. Her worry over Dakota grew as she suddenly realized who this lady was, as the fear that she was once more heading down the same path she had trodden with
Rosalie “You are Noah’s mother, aren’t you?”